Looking through another set of eyes

[Conscious]

I think people in our country have been exposed to media views that seem to mask our understanding and judgement to a great deal. It is sad that even in a democratic set-up we are confined to the views and outlooks of the Government. Take for instance how we view our neighboring countries. The only news reports we get about Sri Lanka are on the militacies. How many of us know how Columbo looks like or how to spell it. We know nothing more than what is given to us by the media. I am not just blaming Indian media but media in general. I understand the need for media to be cautious and judgemental on what they show keeping the country\'s interests in mind, but there is a line. When CNN shows China, they pick one street in Beijing with a thousand bicycles. I can\'t tell you how warped that view is. I have been to China a hundred times and it is nothing like it. Beijing is a thriving megapolis with parallels to any other city in the Western world. What we think is so heavily based on what is given to us by the media. i think we need to open up and start looking outside the box. I strongly believe that our view of Pakistan is the same. There are people out there that live, look and talk like us. I don\'t see why there should be such a vast difference in the way way we treat ourselves. I may be raising a controversial topic here but why should we think every Pakistani is an ISI agent trying to terrorize India. I read the other day that a well known Psychology professor from Lahore University
thinks we have been brainwashed to think we are different and I think it is absolutely true. Let me ask you a question - Has anybody considered the possibility of being one united country again? When the absolutely impenetrable Berlin wall between East and West Germany went up, there was never even a second of thought that things would ever change. However, even before we knew it, it came crumbling down. Someone has to start thinking different and it\'s got to be now or it will never be.

, 05 December, 2001, reply
I hope that this message is not just dedicated to this page , i wish everybody reads this and gives a thought atleast for a couple of minutes for our nation
vivek, 20 December, 2001, reply
After years of corruption, procrastination, egotism, and lack of motivation, it is becoming really hard to tell whether or not we would have prospered as a nation if the British had not left the country. Many a times I have questioned myself on what we have done as a nation to help ourselves, to grow ourselves, to feed ourselves and the answer invariably comes back null. I apologize if I am touching a few nerves here by questioning our progress and pride, but I feel there is a clear need to do so. Success and good life does not come on a silver platter. An enormous work goes into it, not just from the government, but also the people of the country. For fifty long years, we have toiled with socialistic and anti-capitalistic ideas fearing overthow of the \"Swadesi\' way of life. The country has since undergone exactly the same amount of transformation as an Ambassador\'s chassis in the same amount of time. We have been living in a shell worrying about competition, cultural dilution, and prejudice. Whether or not anyone agrees with me, there is a certain complex we Indians need to overcome that helps proliferate the arrogance we have. I feel we have wedged ourselves into believing inconsequential thoughts about how old our culture is, how advanced the religion is, how intelligent we are, and how Indians are so good at everything they do. Grow up people! WE ARE NOT THE BEST THERE IS! There are people twice and good as we are and ten times as intelligent in countries a hundredth our size and with a tenth of our history (- don\'t quote me on the stats). This is a capitalistic world and we need to go with the flow. I am not at all trying to undermine the effort we are putting in now. I think we are doing as great job (especially in the hi-tech arena), but there is a lot more to do. It is not just producing more software or starting up fancy coffee shops. It is the attitude that needs to change. WE need to think \"change\" and not fear it. We need to think \"clean\" and not litter. We need to think \"green\" and not waste. We need to think \"laws\" and not jump at stop lights. With so much to offer India can be a powerhouse of a nation but if you don\'t build it, they will not come. Start building yourselves and you will build a country with matchless potential. Another thing to keep in mind about attitude is to try not to condescend cultures and countries that have prospered. They might not have the cultural history we have, but whose got more people without food or jobs? Religion and culture means nothing to a homeless man with a family of five to feed. The point I am trying to make here is that although we tend to censure the West for social issues that we think we do not have, there is a whoile lot to learn from them. If we admit the fact that we are behind, we can move on to win the race. If we build it, they will certainly come.
Conscious, 05 December, 2001, reply
Basic human values - Have we forgotten what we really stand for in this maddening rush to try and move ahead in the world? We tend talk about development in terms of computers, pubs, coffee shops, and internet cafes, but is it really moving our nation forward? I think we are blinded and comforted by material changes that are taking place around us. What is really important for a country like ours to move forward is something less tangible but far more important. Take for instance, the way we value life. How many of us actually stop at stop lights when there\'s a red, to let pedestrians cross the road without fear of being run down by some idiot in a hurry to get his/her hair done? How many of us visit these newly established top-of-the-crop pubs, and not drive home drunk? All right, common people excused for now. Let\'s talk about how much our Government values life - how many have us seen road workers on highways and street sweepers with out any safety equipment? How many of us have read articles about fatalities at a construction site because the contracting company felt the cost of fall protection equipment was more than a man\'s life? Unfortunately, in a populous country as ours, we fail to recognize that every other life matters as much as ours. It saddens me to see how many people\'s lives we put at risk everyday and not think about what it really means. The culprits are in every one of us. We have lost the basic respect for life over the years and that is what we need in order to move ahead of the rest. One notch down, there\'s \"concern for others\" that we also desperately lack in. As result of our cultural upbringing, we have grown self-centered, blatantly disregarding what other people think or feel. What is most important to us is really us, then our family, then our caste, then religion, then the rest. I think we need to out the social evils within us before we start thinking about changing the country. We all talk of ideals and how this country can change, but the answer to me lies in every one of us. Unless we, the people change, the country will not. When you walk down streets the next time, make citizen\'s arrests. Let a person littering the streets know he\'s wrong. Tell your friend that jumps signals what it can lead to. Be responsible - tell your friends not to drink and drive. Baby steps now, but we will go a long way. If we build it, they WILL come. Ps: topic trivia: Indian roads kill an equivalent of the populations of the Island of Seychelles (in the Indian Ocean) every year!
Conscious, 10 December, 2001, reply
Life isn\'t getting any better. We need to act now! We take in an equivalent of 30 cigarettes worth of pollution a day just by sitting indoors. To add to that are our friendly smokers that breathe out ETS (Environmental Tobacco Smoke), a type A carcinogen with over 40 compounds proven to cause cancer in humans (not just laboratory rats)! I do admire the Government for have taken steps to ban smoking in public places and safeguard human health. In addition, it is also important that we, the people develop a sense of awareness and consideration for what is around us. An alarming 3000 people die everyday from second-hand smoke based diseases and that is not a number you can ignore. Well, smoking is just few drops in a potentially disastrous flood. Our country has not gone through the industrial revoltion the West did, when they polluted their air, lands, and waters in a very short period of time. Now, that\'s water beneath the bridge. We haven\'t gone through swings like that in our history, but what we are going through is a down trend that will fail to stop falling unless we do something. We can\'t afford to make mistakes like that and that is the absolute truth. We do not have leeway for another industrial revolution. We have to be more sensible in how we use natural resources to our benefit without depleting them. Further, this change will not just come from laws and regulations, but from within each and everyone of us. Every plastic bag you use is stressing the environment. Every time you drive a vehicle, you choke it, and when you stop caring for it, you will kill it. Try to reduce usage of plastic. Take your own bags to the grocery store (- many countries in Europe have been doing it for a while - why can\'t we?). Don\'t litter - wait till you get to a trash can to throw your waste ( and if you can\'t find it, go home and dump it). Try to compact your trash as much as possible. Find out if your municipality segregates trash - do it at home. The bottomline is to develop a sense of responsibility for the environment. Treat it like you would yourself. This basic consciousness is what lacks in our people. Most of us believe it is not upto to us to take care of the waste we produce. It is beneath our dignity to care or worry about it. Again, there is a historical social and cultural element that drives this mentality within us. It\'s time for us to move on and change the archetype. When countries in the West can do it, why can\'t we? If we can keep our houses clean, we can most definitiely keep our neighborhoods and the environment clean. Try to adopt streets or areas and educate people on what we will need to build a cleaner, better and a stronger nation. If we build it, they will always come.
Conscious, 10 December, 2001, reply
hi..... great message a bit preachy... but true nonetheless. If only we weren\'t so spaced out and clueless.... and what the hell..we are just cybercoolies ok? Lets for once do a \"reality check\" and realise that we are cybercoolies..
Rain, 16 December, 2001, reply
Thanks for your comments on the message. I apologize for having sounded a tad \"preachy\". I do think it is more important whether or not we actually practice what we preach, and I am trying to do that in my own way. I am not perfect, but I\'m trying to tread a path of self-realization and self-improvement and I hope the rest of you do the same. What I have realized the past few years is how much my cultural identity has influenced my thought processes. The big question that I still seem to confront is: \"how important is it?\" I feel we have always been influenced to think that we belonged to something or somewhere, be it a country, a culture, a religion, a caste, a sub-caste or even skin-color. But really, how important is our identity to us beyond our names? Why does one\'s religion, or caste form such an important part of who he or she is? We do not ask ourselves these question only because we have lived on one side for too long to even contemplate relating to the other. Further, it brings everything we were brought up with into question - even the traditions and values that our parents imparted to us, questioning which, would quite undoubtedly be considered blasphemous. We are living in constant fear of change; we are living under the shadow of an impending trepidation of becoming a non-believer in the eyes of society. We have therefore in fear, become bigoted - prejudiced against religions that are not our own, races that we hardly know about, and our own people that we think we know so well. When you really think about it, it is incredibly hard to understand what gives us the right to discriminate. I do not think there is just one answer to that question, but the truth is that we are all lead in our own ways to believe we are superior that THAT is a cause. If it\'s within the country, it\'s caste or sub-caste; if it\'s outside the country, it\'s religion, skin color, and social differences. Further, instead of working actively on eradicating this deep-rooted social disease, we are reluctant to acknowledge it (refer: minutes from The International Conference on Racism, South Africa, 2001). I feel the key to this issue lies in recognizing that each and every one of us is a part of the problem. Unless we take a stand, and tell our buddies and families what we think we should be, it will continue to be transmitted inconspicuously like a genetic disease to our following generations, gradually eating through society. It is also important to understand that it is not just our society that depends on it, but also our economy. I realize that is easy to talk about ideals and what our nation should be like, but taking steps towards the ideals is understandably difficult in a society like ours. Maybe, we will all find our own ways to combat the issue. I am trying to live up to the expectations I have placed for myself. I have given up my affiliations to the faith I was raised with, and denounced all associations with caste. I do not feel there is a need for me to look at society through pre-concieved eyes. Whether or not other people do the same is entirely left to their own discretion, but I sincerely hope that we at least not fear introspection with regards to our way of life and possible change. That in itself will help us move towards creating a nation, secular and free of racial and casteist prejudice like our forefathers envisioned. If we all don\'t help lay our society back brick by brick, it will never build. If we don\'t build it, they will never come.
Conscious, 17 December, 2001, reply
bv

[Ret]

Mr/Ms Conscious,
I really admire you if U mean any of those u wrote. Thats a good way of thinking and more important expressing it out. Many people might have the same things in their minds but, they never express.

[Pawan]

Hi,
It is good to know there are concerned citizens. But you should have devided your openion under atleast ten categories. How should I start discussing with and where should I start......
Media is crippled....... accepted.
What are we doing to develop the country, let me guess..... 5.6% growth in GDP does not come fron now where I suppose and mailing down inflation to around 2% is not an accident.
We are doing a lot of things, may be other than sopping at red lights. We are open minded to every culture and nation despite what media wants us to think. Why not take the attitude of India towards China and compare with that of Pak. It is not the media projecting Pak. as a narrowminded piece of garbage but Pak. as a nation it self.
Let us talk more.
It is good.

[Conscious]

Thanks for your messages. I apologoize for the lengthy and complicated note. For some reason, my previous messages got posted along with the latest one. In any case, I am encouraged by the fact that there are rational thinkers out there trying to seek the right way for us to move ahead. Back to the topic, in no way am I trying to underplay the increase in GDP and control of inflation (although this is news to me). All I am trying to say here is that there is a lot more to be done to improve the state of the Union and it is not just the trade and economics that play in. I am questioning the socio-political factors that control the development of a nation. I have said in my previous messages that we are doing good trying to move the economy by focusing on big-$ fields such as computers and biotechnology. I think what is absolutely necessary is the change in attitude towards people, countries, policies, and so-called \"internal matters\" such as the religious and casteist discrimination that have caged us for so many years into an incredibly confused, sectional, and excessively proud groups of people. I maybe digressing a bit here, but the way we deal with this new age economy is not with pride but with the acceptance of the fact that we are very very very far behind and there is a clear need for constant change. I have seen your mention of GDP, but when you play that number as a per capita figure, you will realize that suddenly, the world\'s 5th largest economy is at actually at the bottom of the list of nations. It is a different perspective, I suppose. We need to look at our country and see what it needs in ways of change. The people should get less carried away by why we hate Pakistan so much and more carried away by why we tend to jump stop lights. Maybe, I would never ever win a vote on that line, but that is the blatant truth. We are more externally focused on the trivial issues and less internally focused on the important ones. I heard one of the leaders of the ruling party say about the elections, \"the people of the country want to hear more about terrorism than about economy and that is what we will talk about\". I can vouch for the fact that he was infact talking about a good chunk of the urban population there but not for the millions that are striving to survive. Media to a certain extent helps conjure this nationalistic pride in us that moves us in the wrong direction - the reason could be sale of their newspapers riding on the patriotic stream, or appeasing of the political parties they have mutual interests in. Either way, I feel the freedom of speech and expression in democracies is clearly skewed. Bottomline, it is up to the people to judge their own priorities and move ahead. Let me tell you, you stop jumping signals and throwing trash indiscriminately (no matter how insignificant you may think this is to the economy) and you will see the changes come through. Let me give you an example of Japan and the state of its economy, since I have lived there for a while. One of the main reasons the economy is sinking is not because of numbers but because of socio-political evils that plague the nation. The changes in attitudes of people needed there are quite different from ours but clearly unless that changes, I do not see much of a hope for revival. There is a lesson to learn from every country that we know about. I believe in absorbing the all the good we can get and not discussing what we feel is the bad. Be it Pakistan, the United States, or Japan. We need to learn to get better - and that applies to every one of us. Hope that helps spark some thoughts.

[Ret]

U know guys. Politics is the main obstacle for Indias growth. There are many countries where they have politics like in India but the advantage they have is the population. They have less population. I like China that way where India and China started developing at the same time they are uncomparable now. Despite having many technologies we are lagging behind just b\'cos of some peoples advantages. We need a communistic democracy in our country for some time.

[Conscious]

Thanks for your views. I do apologize for the rather lengthy message that was posted. For some reason, my previous messages ended up along with the latest. In any case, I am encouraged by the fact that there are people wanting to indulge in constructive critisism. I do understand your point of view. I am not in any way trying to put down the work we have done in the recent past to improve the state of the Union - as you put it, the GDP of this country or the inflation (- the numbers of which honestly, are news to me). As I have said in my previous messages before, the primary issues plaguing the nation are not with the economics, but rather with the socio-political evils that seem to co-exist with it. There is way too much of a status-quo on that. I agree GDP has grown over the past years and we have climbed into the top five largest economies in the world, but you look at that number as per capita income and you will see the rank fall to unimaginable depths. I guess what I am trying to say (without completely underplaying the recent efforts by industry and Government) is that there is still a lot more to do. Many of us may think, the only way for us to move ahead is working on building industry and infrastructure. I am trying to get a tad bit deeper and address the \"attitudes that kill\". I was recently speaking to a western businessman on doing business in India and got a perspective I do want to keep in mind while I write this. There is a serious mental block that we as a nation have with cultural and intellectual pride that we fail to recognize. Unfortunately, we do not consciously or sub-consciously think about how it affects our chances of development and competition in this new age economy. Added to that, is the way we look at people of different religions, castes, and countries (even though we think that is something too personal for people outside the country to stick their noses into). It is easy to think people outside know very little about our culture than to realize how much they know from the way we act or behave (both individually or as a nation). The way each of us behave reflects as much upon the nation as the nation upon each and every one of us. You can get proof for each of those right from the horse\'s mouth - me. Bottomline, if we stop jumping signals, stop littering, stop slandering Pakistan, stop priding ourselves in how great India is, stop treating India as a land of many castes rather than as one, we will see not just the GDP numbers but also the per-capita numbers soar. It is time for us to take pride in the work we CAN do and the people we CAN be.

[Conscious II]

I totally agreew ith Conscious,the most powerful freedom the freedom of press has been given to certain individulas with parochial views and vested interests ,who use the power of media to acomplish their agenda.Look at a local english newspaper ofhyderabad ,I dont know what it is up to but if frequently omes up with nude photographs and every year it is very excited about Valentines day and gives a short story about St.Valentin.If u take this as an example ,we will see that its is trying to potray something which doesnt exist at all which in a sense it is trying to create ,by reading such stupid news and articles some really enthusiastic people get carried away an d start thinking that it is their way of life ,such is power of media!! which alas is vested in the hands of some indivduals who make a living out of it!!!OR maybe have a plan to implement.

[agonys_requiem]

how come ppl dnt talk retarded like tht anymore?? all we have are wannabe devils and painful pop singers and ppl who want you to help them with college and raggin... this is just sad... then we retarded goat demons and a sorry ass rock musician who got it on with this lady from across the seven seas.... and then we have a horny syntax.... sigh... not to mention a now dead figure of authority who got his rocks off to some plants... and then a man from the land of the leprachauns whos affinity for all tht is small and pink has me rather perturbed....



this is just sad....



snif...



not really.. snickerr...

[CtrlAltDel]

all we have are wannabe devils and painful pop singers and ppl who want you to help them with college and raggin... this is just sad... then we retarded goat demons and a sorry ass rock musician who got it on with this lady from across the seven seas.... and then we have a horny syntax.... sigh... not to mention a now dead figure of authority who got his rocks off to some plants... and then a man from the land of the leprachauns whos affinity for all tht is small and pink has me rather perturbed....

:lol:



those golden days are gone AR....i dun think they wud ever come back.





btw, woh "horny syntax" samajh mein nahin aaya

[agonys_requiem]

hahahahahahahah... big boss.. i write bout you and you fail to understand it?! or mayb you did.. and now the jokes on me!!!! aiieeee!!!! the tables have turned... the cows have come home.. the cock crowed his last... the pigs played the last hand of poker.. the sailor polished the sail for the last time...



tee hee hee

[CtrlAltDel]

damn!!!!

[mark]

how come ppl dnt talk retarded like tht anymore?? all we have are wannabe devils and painful pop singers and ppl who want you to help them with college and raggin... this is just sad... then we retarded goat demons and a sorry ass rock musician who got it on with this lady from across the seven seas.... and then we have a horny syntax.... sigh... not to mention a now dead figure of authority who got his rocks off to some plants... and then a man from the land of the leprachauns whos affinity for all tht is small and pink has me rather perturbed....

this is just sad....

snif...

not really.. snickerr...

the times they are a changing my friend, out with the old, in with the small and pink. i'll eat someone you don't like, you can eat someone i don't like! where's the fking damage? seriously, only by forcing others to do your will can you demonstrate your power. bend and mold them to fit in with your view of the world, it's easier to change people than it is to change your mind. learn to enjoy the smell of seering flesh, the sound of blood dripping from a metal table onto a marble floor, the wide-eyed look of insanity that torture victims always assume towards the end of the evening. deprogramme, reprogramme, debug. rinse, repeat. keep in mind during your ranting and raving that we are all voices in your head, you fell into a coma 3 hours ago. 20 minutes ago you came up with the "internet" concept, and things have been weird since then. you no longer have to leave the house to fulfill your paranoid delusions, we can now communicate with you through this new medium while maintaining the integrity of the fantasy world you've constructed for yourself. You've taken events from your past, recycled them, constructed elaborate personalities for them all, and moved us around like puppets on a stage. We all all external reflections of your internal inadequacy. of course we're flawed, you created us and you're obviously insane. we all cease to exist when you're not there, like a certain cat in a certain box. if an imaginary friend falls over in the woods and you're not there to laugh at him, will he hurt himself? or can we only feel pain when you want us to? do we dream, do you think? electric sheep, perhaps? can we love, or do we just echo the dark emotions buried deep in your cranium? are we the aborted fetus of a union between fantasy and reality?

[agonys_requiem]

how come ppl dnt talk retarded like tht anymore?? all we have are wannabe devils and painful pop singers and ppl who want you to help them with college and raggin... this is just sad... then we retarded goat demons and a sorry ass rock musician who got it on with this lady from across the seven seas.... and then we have a horny syntax.... sigh... not to mention a now dead figure of authority who got his rocks off to some plants... and then a man from the land of the leprachauns whos affinity for all tht is small and pink has me rather perturbed....

this is just sad....

snif...

not really.. snickerr...

the times they are a changing my friend, out with the old, in with the small and pink. i'll eat someone you don't like, you can eat someone i don't like! where's the fking damage? seriously, only by forcing others to do your will can you demonstrate your power. bend and mold them to fit in with your view of the world, it's easier to change people than it is to change your mind. learn to enjoy the smell of seering flesh, the sound of blood dripping from a metal table onto a marble floor, the wide-eyed look of insanity that torture victims always assume towards the end of the evening. deprogramme, reprogramme, debug. rinse, repeat. keep in mind during your ranting and raving that we are all voices in your head, you fell into a coma 3 hours ago. 20 minutes ago you came up with the "internet" concept, and things have been weird since then. you no longer have to leave the house to fulfill your paranoid delusions, we can now communicate with you through this new medium while maintaining the integrity of the fantasy world you've constructed for yourself. You've taken events from your past, recycled them, constructed elaborate personalities for them all, and moved us around like puppets on a stage. We all all external reflections of your internal inadequacy. of course we're flawed, you created us and you're obviously insane. we all cease to exist when you're not there, like a certain cat in a certain box. if an imaginary friend falls over in the woods and you're not there to laugh at him, will he hurt himself? or can we only feel pain when you want us to? do we dream, do you think? electric sheep, perhaps? can we love, or do we just echo the dark emotions buried deep in your cranium? are we the aborted fetus of a union between fantasy and reality?

ok.. i shall go jerk off to tht cuz i dnt rmr bein soo fkin turned on in a longgg time.. and i shall be back.. with my own brand of politics tht decide how i feel..... arrrggghhhhhhhh... the flood gates have opened.....

[mark]

maybe that's my purpose in life, writing goth porn.



"She stared into his infected eye, gently poking her finger into the empty socket of the other. He screamed in pain, and strained against the ropes binding him to the bed. Release, mercy, i'm begging you. Kill me. Insane babblings of a man who has just gone over the edge, and is screaming into the abyss. The drugs were wearing off, his penis was begining to soften, time was almost up. His right cheek was wet with tears, his left one from when the contents of his eye had exploded upon it. The bed was soaked with every bodily fluid that she had been able to extract from him. Blood, lymph, semen, sweat, bile, cerebrospinal fluid, chyle, chyme, saliva, tears, and what seemed like gallons of urine. as she stared into her son's eye, she found salvation"



thats the intro, what do you think?

[agonys_requiem]

After all.... those ads never did lie... mothers love is the best... or was it tht mothers milk was the best? . It escapes me now....



dammitt!! i shuda thought of tht.. guess m just not thinkin bout ppl on the other side of the white line of sanity.... been a while..... and since we are talkin bout eyes....



Why can't i breathe

Still i see

Dead on the table

Try to move, i'm not able to



They said i have died

I still feel alive

I won't believe their lies

Still see through these

Eyes



Help me, I'm not dead

Wake me from this hell

Tell me I'm alive

Dead



Knives cutting into me

Scalpels rip me

Screaming into deaf ears

Now they stop and see my tears



Help me, I'm not dead

Wake me from this hell

Tell me I'm alive

Dead



I can't stop the visions

Stop the premonitions



My soul can't escape

The boundary of my flesh

My heart does not beat

My spirit does not rest



They said i have died

I still feel alive

I won't believe their lies

I can still see through these eyes

[Lucifer]

maybe that's my purpose in life, writing goth porn.

"She stared into his infected eye, gently poking her finger into the empty socket of the other. He screamed in pain, and strained against the ropes binding him to the bed. Release, mercy, i'm begging you. Kill me. Insane babblings of a man who has just gone over the edge, and is screaming into the abyss. The drugs were wearing off, his penis was begining to soften, time was almost up. His right cheek was wet with tears, his left one from when the contents of his eye had exploded upon it. The bed was soaked with every bodily fluid that she had been able to extract from him. Blood, lymph, semen, sweat, bile, cerebrospinal fluid, chyle, chyme, saliva, tears, and what seemed like gallons of urine. as she stared into her son's eye, she found salvation"

thats the intro, what do you think?

This might not mean much coming from me (since I happen to be one of the biggest fans of your writing on these boards - there, I am out of the closet now) but I think this is your best work yet.



Please do take it to completion.

[mark]

A drop of liquid clung to the needle of the syringe, like the first drop of semen from an erect penis. A cocktail of exotic drugs, the recipe had been arrived at after months of experimentation. She had been careful, always a different city, always using public transportation, finding refuge in randomness. After tonight, none of it mattered.

One drug to paralyze, one to sexually arouse, and one that would heighten the sensation of pleasure and pain. Heaven and hell, opposite sides of the same coin. Administered intravenously, onset in 10 minutes, duration of 1 hour. 30 minutes of heaven followed by 30 minutes of hell. All of her lovers so far had been willing volunteers (at least for the first 30 minutes), pathetically grateful young junkies who’s eyes she would cherish for the remaining 2 hours of her life. This one was different, though. If he had been willing then perhaps the last 6 months of rape, torture and murder wouldn’t have happened.

[ycr007]

Good Gracious Mark!!!! How Nicely You Write!!! Reminds me of Arun Chitnis (Or was it Ajay )



I Can't Say that I Dislike this Stuff,But Don' Exactly Like it also.Somwhow it Conveys to me that all the inner ire and angst buried deep within has to be brought out via a cascading torrents of words like these,However Gross they might be.

[mark]

Good Gracious Mark!!!! How Nicely You Write!!! Reminds me of Arun Chitnis (Or was it Ajay )

I Can't Say that I Dislike this Stuff,But Don' Exactly Like it also.Somwhow it Conveys to me that all the inner ire and angst buried deep within has to be brought out via a cascading torrents of words like these,However Gross they might be.

meh. i hate thinking about getting my eyes poked out, so i end up thinking about it a lot. like picking a scab, you know? but if i do ever go nuts and start randomly slicing people up with knives i guess the forensic psychologists will have a great time dissecting my posts here. oh well, i'm off home to torture small animals, wet the bed, and start fires.