10 best business jargons of CEOs - 'De-jargonised'

[vivek of themavericks]

“The key to success to be a great actor” – unknown.<br> “Only a man with inferiority complex would run behind women” – Atlas Shrugged (I think). <br><br>Now, these are some of the best statements that would take sometime to get into your thought process. But, what many don’t know is that there are loads of such statements passed by the corporate CEOs on daily basis which take the twisted route of logic and get stuck somewhere between, leaving the interpretation to the listener. It takes some experience and pondering to demystify the ‘jargonised’ statements passed by those white collar souls. Since I had taken a pledge to make your life simpler, I therefore present the 10 best business statements – De jargonised.<br>
<br>
Statement 1 – We are looking at newer growth opportunities to leverage our expertise which would add value to our core competence .<br> What they mean – We want to become big.<br> Statement 2 – Our main focus is cost cutting, restructuring in processes and in the entire value chain. Which we expect to pushup the topline.<br> What they mean – We are not making enough profits.<br>Statement 3 – Since we have a global delivery model, all our strategies are customer-centric. This is the reason we feel that we would be able to service the investor’s interest in a more productive manner.<br> What they mean – we lack money, please give some.<br> Statement 4 - Since the downslide of the global markets, there has been a pressure to cut costs and to right size human resource. As, our core business processes are a function of the global markets, the downslide made the bottomline to shrink. Our new strategy involves competitive pricing.<br>What they mean – Our idea blew, we don’t know what to do now <br> Statement 5 - I think we have harnessed all areas of growth and added value to our services. Now, we are exploring the arenas of newer inorganic growth, particularly the M&A way.<br>What they mean – we are for sale.<br>Statement 6 - Our business model revolves around the needs of the customer. Delivering quality to the customer and ensuring and seamless integration of values, vision and strategies to facilitate an ambience of growth, innovation and skills within the parameters of the customer’s needs. This, we feel, would make us the best the business. <br>What they mean – No one knows exactly, what we do and we want to keep it that way. <br>Statement 7 – The global demand for radiator caps has gone up by 6.34% YoY and the demand for cap washers by 2%. We now leverage our production capabilities to the maximum to capitalise in this increase in demand. We hence expect a jump in our top line by 15% and our bottom line by 4%. Our earnings estimate would grow by 4% QoQ.<br>What they mean – Finally we are expecting to make some money.<br> Statement 8 – Since the market for software solutions in USA, particularly of those which have been converted into a software product from the most popular customised software solutions, is showing signs of recession, we are exploring markets like Africa who seek end-to-end solutions.<br>What they mean – Since USA did not buy what we produced, we think Africa will!!<br>Statement – 9 - Since the last 1 year the market for BPO is grown at 110%. India’s key role in setting up outsourcing centers to provide strategically important customer care prompted us to open our new BPO third party process outsourcing center.<br>What they mean – we want to join the band wagon.<br>60% of GE’s calls are processed in Indian ITES centers. Bill Gates donates $400Mn to Microsoft India dev centre. India does bulk of the back office work of major US corporates.<br>What they mean – Finally, years of prayers and worship to the United States of Andhraites by desperate pseudo-patriotic Indians has paid off!!<br>I am sorry about the last one, but it is 100% true.

[Hyderabadi]

Vivek - where did you get this from? Sounds pretty good.... not that you cannot author it ... but what is the source yaar?

[vivek of themavericks]

The statements, were ofcouse passed by the top CEOs like Nandan Nilekani, Jerry Rao etc. But, the intrepretation is mine. Its original and not so copied stuff. I don\'t do that.

[RP (changed name - since there are other]

No insult VoTm. I trust your intellect and your wit. Thanks for sharing wonderful items on these boards. I liked everyone of the items as I too love to read between lines of statements that sound real good but with strings attached to most of them. I guess one of the things I learned from my MBA Program is to \'sound good\' and be optimistic in the face of adversity - and you bet you will be a CEO some day (if you choose to). My unscientific study of executives suggest that they \'believe\' in what they do - even if they collect waste and start a company called \'Waste Management\' .... and then there are those that start companies, cook books, cheat and when exposed, hire an ex-FTC Chairman to (ab)use connections and fix the damage.

[vivek of themavericks]

Thanks, i shall respond that in detail shortly

[erpid69]

well that was a nice deduction vivek - accept my appreciation. To say further on what you have de jargonised, lets assume u turn out to be the CEO of a MNC soon <all the best> what would your statements be like. Would you choose to say anything different. Can you state some examples enivsaging a situation.. Thanks

[Indefeasible]

Crap, tell me the day when Microsoft will invest $400 m. It is all hype, total nonsense. White asses just know to exploit Indians

[vivek of themavericks]

They did not invest $400Mn to Microsoft India developement centre, but gates actually invested $100Mn to MIDC fo expanding the work force of microsoft. This happened when he came here to India.

[vivek of themavericks]

Thanks a lot, as far as these jargons are concerned, well, ona has to learn to these garbage when you get to interact in the business circles on your professional capacity, when you want to convey some aspect of your company\'s performance you bette keep it simple because people holding your company\'s shares don\'t understand you words, however they are sensible enough to get irritated

[vivek of themavericks]

<B> The original message of the board starts below </b>

[10 best business jargons of CE]

“Only a man with inferiority complex would run behind women” – NOT FROM Atlas Shrugged (I am sure).

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Jargon / Hackney All the Time!



Thank You Vivek for Your De-Jargonising What Some CEOs said ...

I have repeatedly heard VIPs' Begin Their Speech(es):" ... By Virtue of the Authority wasted * in me ... " (* for vested )

More of Jargon & Hackney ... A CEO also states " The Annual Report is with You and is deemed read^" (^it may not be ever seen by the Shareholder, in fact) ... Much Time may be saved if they also say," My Speech is Deemed Delivered!"

Greetings for a Great Effort!



HH

[akhilis2cool]

[ The Annual Report is with You and is deemed read^" (^it may not be ever seen by the Shareholder, in fact) ... Much Time may be saved if they also say," My Speech is Deemed Delivered!"

[azazel]

by virtue of the authority wasted in me, i declare this skeletal remains dug out.. ALIVE

[ZC]

[akhilis2cool]

by virtue of the authority wasted in me, i declare this skeletal remains dug out.. ALIVE

but this is a new topic man....

[akhilis2cool]

oh s***



forgot to see the date it was posted...



*eats his own words* buuuuuurp

[ZC]

by virtue of the authority wasted in me, i declare this skeletal remains dug out.. ALIVE

but this is a new topic man....

yes 2002 is very recent

[azazel]

yes 2002 is very recent

hyderabadi parsu, yaar

[ZC]

yes 2002 is very recent

hyderabadi parsu, yaar

and then he realised it

[akhilis2cool]

heheeeeee,

azazel bhai u said it,

hyderabadi parsooon

[vivek]

Offlate i have been in touch with top brass of various Amru firms. Most of these guys are Indian-Americans. Mostly gujjus. They are one who irritate on phone calls.A sample



" Hey can you instead of pasting the graphs in to Microsoft word, change it to Microsoft Excel and may even try embedding the graph into a Microsoft powerpoint ppt as agraphs as in when we click on it we get a Microsoft excel opned WITHIN the microsoft powerpoint slide.. also can you figure out a way to embedd microsoft project spreadsheet into a microsoft powerpoint slide in succession to the slide which contains the embedded microsoft excel spreadsheet... do you think this is something that can worked out?



Me : Ya point taken.. can be done



They : Great then ask XYZ to enter this task as a line item into the action item



me : (in my mind) Ya whatever.