by vivek of themavericks » Thu Nov 21, 2002 4:29 pm
“The key to success to be a great actor” – unknown.<br> “Only a man with inferiority complex would run behind women” – Atlas Shrugged (I think). <br><br>Now, these are some of the best statements that would take sometime to get into your thought process. But, what many don’t know is that there are loads of such statements passed by the corporate CEOs on daily basis which take the twisted route of logic and get stuck somewhere between, leaving the interpretation to the listener. It takes some experience and pondering to demystify the ‘jargonised’ statements passed by those white collar souls. Since I had taken a pledge to make your life simpler, I therefore present the 10 best business statements – De jargonised.<br>
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Statement 1 – We are looking at newer growth opportunities to leverage our expertise which would add value to our core competence .<br> What they mean – We want to become big.<br> Statement 2 – Our main focus is cost cutting, restructuring in processes and in the entire value chain. Which we expect to pushup the topline.<br> What they mean – We are not making enough profits.<br>Statement 3 – Since we have a global delivery model, all our strategies are customer-centric. This is the reason we feel that we would be able to service the investor’s interest in a more productive manner.<br> What they mean – we lack money, please give some.<br> Statement 4 - Since the downslide of the global markets, there has been a pressure to cut costs and to right size human resource. As, our core business processes are a function of the global markets, the downslide made the bottomline to shrink. Our new strategy involves competitive pricing.<br>What they mean – Our idea blew, we don’t know what to do now <br> Statement 5 - I think we have harnessed all areas of growth and added value to our services. Now, we are exploring the arenas of newer inorganic growth, particularly the M&A way.<br>What they mean – we are for sale.<br>Statement 6 - Our business model revolves around the needs of the customer. Delivering quality to the customer and ensuring and seamless integration of values, vision and strategies to facilitate an ambience of growth, innovation and skills within the parameters of the customer’s needs. This, we feel, would make us the best the business. <br>What they mean – No one knows exactly, what we do and we want to keep it that way. <br>Statement 7 – The global demand for radiator caps has gone up by 6.34% YoY and the demand for cap washers by 2%. We now leverage our production capabilities to the maximum to capitalise in this increase in demand. We hence expect a jump in our top line by 15% and our bottom line by 4%. Our earnings estimate would grow by 4% QoQ.<br>What they mean – Finally we are expecting to make some money.<br> Statement 8 – Since the market for software solutions in USA, particularly of those which have been converted into a software product from the most popular customised software solutions, is showing signs of recession, we are exploring markets like Africa who seek end-to-end solutions.<br>What they mean – Since USA did not buy what we produced, we think Africa will!!<br>Statement – 9 - Since the last 1 year the market for BPO is grown at 110%. India’s key role in setting up outsourcing centers to provide strategically important customer care prompted us to open our new BPO third party process outsourcing center.<br>What they mean – we want to join the band wagon.<br>60% of GE’s calls are processed in Indian ITES centers. Bill Gates donates $400Mn to Microsoft India dev centre. India does bulk of the back office work of major US corporates.<br>What they mean – Finally, years of prayers and worship to the United States of Andhraites by desperate pseudo-patriotic Indians has paid off!!<br>I am sorry about the last one, but it is 100% true.