The best real life goof ups in English - twisted interpretat

by **vivek of themavericks** » Fri Dec 20, 2002 4:36 pm

I don’t mean to be rude or make fun of people with weird vernacular, but the following 10 instances in my life makes me smile whenever I recollect. Not that there were only 10, but since as someone in this board suggested that I have been “smitten” . I wish to stick to the same. . Its hard to control the humor bug in you when someone mumbles something that makes sense to him/her but actually becomes a subject of humuor to the listener. I have the following to present based on real life instances while I was present or part of the scene!. 

 Instance 1 – My father’s assistant about his daughter and her course in Intermediate Yr 1 and Yr 2 – “ My dauter did her intercourse sar, first year intercourse she did in ratna Kallege and Second year in tetrahedron. But her performance in intercourses was not up to the mark. But luckily she managed in Eamcet so she got seated” – I was zapped. 
 Instance 2 - A MBA boy pretending to be knowledgeable infront of his Girl friend, Location – A pub in Hyd – “ Boss, when US 64 did not work in USA, how come UTI expect it to work in India”. His GF sipping screwdriver was probably thinking – “ wow what a man”, I went to the men’s room thinking, it better not to know, then know crap. US 64 is Unit scheme 1964, nothing to do with United states of Andraites . 
 Instance 3 - My school inspection – This happened when our sports meet was on and the half yearly exams were approaching . Inspector – “ So young men and women, how are classes?” All of us – “ Sir great, sir!!”. Inspector – “ So no problems??” one girl – “ Sir periods are not regular and exams are coming, lot of tension”. 
 Instance 4 - A small confrontation between two mothers, with one mom blaming the other woman’s son of putting mud in her daughter’s skirt. Mom 1 – “ this is bad manners….” Mom 1 – “ That’s not possible, it would have been verma’s son, my son does not put anything inside girls” – We had to stop our game, it was impossible to control!. 
Instance 5 A girl describing her fiancée’s demand of her getting her hair cut. This woman was average in her English skills “ He is great fellow, but wonly thing is he was to reduce my hair. This is latest fashion it seems to be.” I asked, “ are you ok with it? “ She answered “ what to do, these days boys wants us to cut hair everywhere to stand upto latest fashion”. I then figured what she actually meant. 
Instance 6 I was in a doctors chamber, when the doc called another patient who was suffering from constipation. While describing his problem, the patient said, “ severe problem sir, every morning I go the bathroom and after lot of shaking and trying, something comes out. I then try in the night. My wife is also worried, she is Bp patient”. The doc asked him to switch to telugu.! 
 Instance 7 My friend’s Philosophical granddad. “ Today there is so much pollution and noise and stress that is why life expectancy has reduced. During the days of Mahabharata rishis were able to determine their life duration and those days there was no pollution. Lord Krishna with his big and ever blowing flute and gopikas , life was full of fun!!!. But today, there is struggle for everything!. 
Instance 8 - At a group discussion session about upliftment of women in Indian corporate sector , a young lady was too blasphemous. She said, “ Look, its not that woman are given equal rights in today’s urban society. Clearly census has shown we have lesser women per 1000 than we have men. That shows how women are ostracized in the society. Since men call themselves the stronger sex, why don’t they help the women by putting the right thing in the right place and increase the productivity of women.”. I had a proper point to retaliate but there was too much laughing in my head and there was lot of giggling in the hall too!. This young lady was a IIMB product – duh! 
 Instance 9 - A long queue in SBI branch office for withdrawal of cash, one gentleman came to all of us standing in the queue asking . “ Pen is there….excuse me pen is there…extra?” . The agony of standing in long queue was forgotten . 
 Instance 10 - Not really an English goof up, but worth mentioning – A man walks in cloth store in sultan bazaar here and stood next to me and my pal. He then asked the person to show some underwears “ Saab kuchcha dikhana?” . The man again asked “ Bhaisaab underwears hai na?”, the response was “ hau saab bahut hai, kausa hona bolo”. The man gave a bouncer “ ek dum soft wala dena , panties jaisa soft hona chahiye” – Wooo hoo!. 

As I said I don’t mean no bad to anyone. If you feel that I am person with a corrupt mind, think what would strike to you if someone gives you these kind of bouncers. If you happened to be one of people I described, mail me at vivek@themavericks.net, I have a valid explanation waiting for you.It would be great if you guys also add those that happened to you. It would be fun.

by **vivek of themavericks** » Fri Dec 20, 2002 5:03 pm

My good friend and partner at work, just added this. He and his friend went to a readymade cloth showroom to buy undergarments. The shop guy popped up a peice for 400 bucks, just then my friend\'s pal spoke \" buddy, i wear pant and shirt on top of it, so why show these??\". A smart alec this one!

by **kanta rao** » Fri Dec 20, 2002 5:12 pm

guy writing to his father: dear father, iam in the well and i hope you are also in the same well!!!

another scene:
interviewer: whats your father??
candidate: saar, my father is a typewriter!!

by **vivek of themavericks** » Fri Dec 20, 2002 5:19 pm

Great lets have some more of these stuff, good going!

by **Respectively ???** » Fri Dec 20, 2002 7:17 pm

when we came to this college we came as boys and girls, now we are leaving as ladies and gentlemen

by ? » Fri Dec 20, 2002 7:26 pm

these...i got from those Forwarded emails..........
TELEGRAM #1 A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as : Father, your daughter has been successful in BED.\" ********************* TELEGRAM #2 A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife : \"I wish you were here.\" The message received by wife: \"I wish you were her.\" **************************** TELEGRAM #3 A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came,it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: \"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady.\" ************************************ TELEGRAM #4 A man wants to celebrate his wife\'s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: let\'s put, \"you are not getting older you are getting better\". The salesman asks \"how do you want me to put it?\" The man says, Well put \"You are not getting older\", at the top and\"You are getting better\" at the bottom. The real fun didn\'t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: \"You are not getting older at the top,You are getting better at the bottom\". ************************************************************** TELEGRAM #5 A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent\'s house in Delhi.When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram.When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: \'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye ).

by **vivek of themavericks** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:32 am

Good bunch of jokes, but is there any real life joke incident to talk about guys.

by **vivek of themavericks** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:36 am

That was a decent one, but the change in order..is it deliberate?

by **wife** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 7:14 am

My husband says the exactly same thing whenever he watches \"Victoria Secrets\" commercials==> Why do women spend hundreds of dollars on these undergarments, anyway, they are going to cover them up with outerwear!

by **ha ha ha** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 7:28 am

that wasnt delibrate.........generally we say, \"boys and girls\"....\"ladies and gentlemen\"....dont we ?

by **Kulcha Hyderabadi** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 9:14 am

This one is real. In a motel in Casablanca, Morocco \"Drinking water safe - The Manager personally passes it!

by **Periods:-)** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 4:09 pm

THIS ONE WAS DAMM INTERESTING... one girl – “ Sir periods are not regular and exams are coming, lot of tension”. I have laughed too much...,

by **vivek of themavericks** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 11:30 pm

I got this one from one of you i guess who mailed me to put it up here, wonder why??. The mail said, An original message in a swimming pool \" We don\'t swim in your toilets, so don\'t pee in our pool\". Too good!

by **vivek of themavericks** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 11:33 pm

Absolutely, i mean who would like to go out to show em\' nyway, and even if they go out, who would look (only)at the underwear!!.

by **vivek of themavericks** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 11:35 pm

Thats what i thought

by **Kulcha Hyderabadi** » Sun Dec 22, 2002 9:57 am

On similar lines... Notice in a county pub \"Pay cash. We have an agreement with the local bank. They dont sell beer and we dont cash cheques!\"

by **vivek of themavericks** » Sun Dec 22, 2002 10:41 am

Just yesterday i noticed a funny notice infront of an ATM . It read \"Mellineum Tailors - We specialize in all type of stiching and tailoring warks like hemming, Pikkoing, darning and all types of tailoring warks. We are experts in embradary, and fall stiching warks. Expert service for gents cum ladies\"

by **vivek of themavericks** » Sun Dec 22, 2002 10:44 am

We indians have this insane mentality of showing off sometimes, this is just proven further when one of my friend\'s friend met his new american pal in the loo and asked, \" hey...how\'s it going buddy\"??.

by **kanta rao** » Mon Dec 23, 2002 11:03 am

seen oustide a board in an undertakers shop in mumbai near dadar west...\" when you drop dead, drop in!!\"

by **vivek of themavericks** » Mon Dec 23, 2002 11:13 am

Mom to son, \" Look if you really wanna have the ice cream, go but if you get lost in the crowd don\'t come running to me\"

by **vivek of themavericks** » Mon Dec 23, 2002 11:15 am

I just remembered, another original one. One of my dad\'s friend told something which my dirty mind took it the other way. \" Ya sir, Sharma got married with two childen\". Should i be blammed!!

by **vivek of themavericks** » Tue Dec 24, 2002 3:14 pm

I just recollected a shiek to the front office girl in a 5 star hotel lobby, \"madam, do have whores(horse), i want to do whores riding (horse riding), any place where i can do whores riding\" .

by **neeraj** » Mon Dec 30, 2002 1:24 pm

boy vivek, gr8 man, enjoyed bursting laughing... all the time keep it up buddy, these things will reduce our B.P

Zimple, good yaaa.

by **vivek of themavericks** » Tue Dec 31, 2002 10:59 am

Thanks neeraj, attimes real life humour stays longer than what we get to read and hear.

by DJ » Thu Jan 01, 2004 8:55 pm

there was another one which was reported on lonely planet.

On a road sign in Bangalore or Hyd: english toght,wrotten and spooken!!

haha

DJ

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