Need Suggestion

[AR]

Here goes, my friend is about to marry a girl late this year chosen by his family, unfortunately he found mails that are very disturbing, she had/has some kind of relationship(s), enjoys chat/talk with boys, some mails also give an impression that she met in person and exchanged gifts if it was an healthy chat/emails/phone talk, I don\'t think he(we) would have felt bad about her but some of the content of emails are beyond friendship!, where as my friend is very good at heath, simple, smart at job and now he is in very disturbed state, since what ever she talks(sweet/fun) to him she spoked same words to some people so it looks everything fake and she so good at it any regular guy can fall for her, now my friend is not sure what is next step he got to take, does to go forward excepting her to keep his family happy or to break with her! any suggestions are greatly appreciated if not deviated from actual topic, I found few smart people on this site who always comes up with productive suggestions/ideas/debates, looking forward to hear from you guys/gals!

[Friendofall]

This is quite a common scenario these days. I would suggest that your friend should behave responsibily and maturely to deal with the situation in a manner that does not disrupt the married life further. It is easy to part but the challenge is to turn the friction (per say) into momentum. He should not dwell in her past - accepting a partner but naturally means accepting his/her past - good or bad. An open talk many times clears the shadows and is better than living in doldrums. Hope things take good shape for him.

[ehtram]

he should first inform his family that he found some information about this girl chosen by his parents. He should request them to verify if that is true. If so, then he should ask the opinion of his parents - whether they still want him to marry the same girl?

[neeraj]

wedding is a union of two familis, and two souls.

if the boy or the girl is not 100 pct satisfied with each other, it is better to stall the proposal than going for it for the parents sake and later making their lives and parents lives miserable, with each action of the girl looking with a very suspious eyes.

on the contrary it could be some one mischevious letters also to spoil the girls reputation or some sadistic pleasure.

therefore the boy should have a private talk with the girl and get to know her mind and willingness and he is the only person to decide about his future, remember parents and relatives are there only to seek advise and suggestions, ultimately the decison is always on the boys or girls hands only and there is absolutely no third person involved.

neeraj

[hiall]

this would be a very bad decision ethram....the boy whos goin to marry is not a kid anymore to inform his parents...and asking his parents to dwell into the matter...if u cant do anything good for the girl..then atleast dont do bad...by dwelling in the matter and making unnecessary publicity...i wud request all the readers to think cool`ly....best thing for the boy to do depends on him...if he is generous enuf to overlook her past and start out a new life by discussing with her....then that wud be gr8..afterall no one is good....so why stress on the bad points.....and other side of the coin wud be....the boy saying no to the girl...if he thinks that he cant get along with this situation....and the worst thing that would happen is...the boy accepting ths marriage without his self-content....this wud spoil both their lives....good luck...if u find some thing useful in my message....

[AR]

First Thanks ALL,

Past: Friendofall, hiall
I am for sure he wouldn’t have seen this has problem or felt confidence breach if that girl cared (liked)some one sincerely and things did not worked out as expected and she ended up with him, but the reality is absolutely different to me she is kind of (played)playing with guys, seems she derives some pleasure keeping guys/things under her control, these guys where/are literally begging her to call them and seems she does not care or takes seriously but she keeps in contact with them in an on and off mode, big question is can she changer her attitude after marriage? especially for new brides coming to US internet in only the door of contact to rest of the world(India) !


Inform Family: ehtram
That\'s end of proposal! I know their family for a decade and they are very orthodox, weird thing is my friend is from a wealthy family where as this girl family no where matches them, her pretty face got the proposal ball rolling for wedding! another reason for not communicating to family is they are recovering from a recent family tragedy, and we need more concrete evidence rather then just emails and he his of strong opinion that if he brings this matter into family that\'s the end of marriage he cannot go with that girl, he is very principled and soft guy, rather he\'ll accept her then disclosing to his family, he cannot see his wife having second class treatment from his own family, right now there is no above the parents but down the road can we expect same relationship between parents and daughter in-law?

Neeraj:
I do absolutely agree with you on wife and husband relationship, in regard to true-ness of mails/contents, he logged into his fiancée email to just to find out whether she read his emails and to the worst night mare found the unfortunate stuff, if you say he stepped into her personal life all I can say is it was unintentional! at least if she could have been careful with password he wouldn’t have know the huge secret life she has but the question is for how long she could have kept it as secret?

All:
Other then my friend I am only the person aware about this unfortunate stuff, and we are in big dilemma what to do, we don\'t have any ideas/plans at this point, we are in US don\'t think it would solve or help talking to girl on phone! don\'t know how truthful she would come out even if he talk to her or shall we find more about her talking to the guys she was or is in contact before talking to her? Or shall I suggest him to accept her and be prepared for the worst, but is that worth?

[hiall]

\"\"\"\"Or shall I suggest him to accept her and be prepared for the worst, but is that worth? \"\"\"\".....this would be a very bad decision....just talk to the girl about this.....u cant just rely on emails to doubt her....beautiful girls in india have to flirt a lot...cuz anytime there will b guys trying to impress her.... may shes just having fun with those guys....but had no idea of having an affair with any of them....think...!!!!...hope for the best

[AR]

We are also in same opinion that she might have flirted with boys for fun or kind of young age made/making her to do this sort of things, if he decides to go with her I don\'t think he want to discuss or raise the subject, at this point seems he would go with her, just believing that what she is now is because of her immaturity towards world and family and with a strong hope that right environment and proper guidance will change her attitude and thinking, I don\'t think right words will bring a change in her but my friend got to set an example of living though he his already but can she understand? Seems there are too many unanswered questions, seems we got live rest to destiny and fate!
Thanks All!