"Live-in relationships"... Think again

by **Helen of Troy** » Wed May 15, 2002 12:30 am

Ok.....I must admit that this one\'s not entirely original......but I\'d like you to be totally honest..........Will you marry that one person if he/she has lived-in with some one else at some point of time........will your parents be okay with it ?.....its all very well to give lip-service to controversial issues like these but how many of us actually have the guts to stand up for what we are saying?

by **vinod** » Wed May 15, 2002 12:30 am

hi helen,
what u have asked and said is right.Most of the people we see around say so much but when it comes to them doing that they will try to find excuses.As far as i am concerned,I think that is because of the MCP attitude we have.I feel that heart should be given preference to body.and so i dont find any problems to marry a girl who has lived in with someone else sometime back...as i feel that what we feel for each other is more important...

by **hard coder** » Thu May 16, 2002 12:30 am

thinking about it, yeah you are right helen.

by **Arpan** » Thu May 16, 2002 12:30 am

Tough to comment without sounding sanctimonious here... something like Vinod ended up sounding like... just suffice to say... which male can afford to act like that when most Indian men are born lechers... they start by ogling at the nurse who pulls them out! So there is no right to question anyone here... Like what u see? then why be bothered where it came from man! If one is interested in history, one shud dig up dino bones... not romanti-sexual records... but eventually does any of this matter... MCP\'s will remain MCP\'s... prudes, prudes... and the rest, the rest...

by **nazeen** » Thu May 16, 2002 12:30 am

Well....really thinking about it... Arpan... all men are not born lechers... they become one! lol anyways.
Helen... expecitng ppl not to act sanctimonious on this issue is like expecting pigs to fly. well Arpan , once more, it is easy for u to say \"if u like wha u c... why bothered where it came from\" here is a more important issue of STD\'s .. ok leave that aside... it says somehting abt the persons character... they cant stick by the commitments they make.. and well truly speaking... if i found that my man had a live in relationship which he walked out of...? i would give serious thought to our relationship ,not because of the obvious \"he had sex with another woman\", part, but beccause it shows how uncommitted he is... and well in the indian context.. yes if a gal had a live in relationship.. she is so out! and well for a guy.. it is ok! so what does that say abt MCP\'ism?

by **Satish** » Thu May 16, 2002 12:30 am

Well waht u said is partly right , i guess it is totally situational and cannot be genralised , it should be dealt with on a case to case basis .

by **Arpan** » Thu May 16, 2002 12:30 am

Well Nazeen... more so than the \'Indian\' concept... it is the personal concept... MCP\'s are MCP\'s, whether Indian or not... u also have the \'ooi-maa behenji\' types who wud swoon if u talked abt pre/xtra-marital affairs... depends entirely on what sort of s nut u choose to spend ur whole life with!

by **nazeen** » Thu May 16, 2002 12:30 am

hey arpan.. so what u saying is that... society doesnt make a diff?? if u r.. then u are worng... it is more accpetable to an american or a european to accpept that his woman or her man was with someone else..more than an indian.... i tend to agree with satish when he says that it is a situational case....

by **Arpan** » Sat May 18, 2002 12:30 am

It does... a li\'l... like they say... u call every darn person u know when u get married so that it\'s darn tough to be unfaithful later on... it\'s a safety feature... that\'s all... eventually it\'s u and ur pardner... think otherwise?

by **Helen of Troy** » Sat May 18, 2002 12:30 am

\"Safety feature\" ????....I know of cases where affairs happened inspite of the public display..like u said it just boils down to the two individuals...lets face it...a girl suffers the most if a live-in doesn\'t work out......shunned from social occasions she just has to face the repercussions of her act (pun unintended).......I\'m not a hard-core feminist but guys get away with anything in this country......

by **nazeen** » Sat May 18, 2002 12:30 am

hey helen... i totally agree with u... in india guys totally get away.. hey arpan.. u invite all the ppl u know to yr weeding.. not to make it impossible or harder ot be unfaithful later..its the same concept.... when u rthrow a party dont u invite everyone... just admit it... the success of live in realtionships in india... i dont think so.. though finally it all depends on the 3 ppl involved... the 2 who are living to gehter.. and the entire neighbouyrhoood:)

by **Srinu** » Tue May 21, 2002 12:30 am

MCPism Zindabad. I think its high time guys stood up for themselves. If a guy gets a proposal of a girl who previously had a live in relationship, the guys parents would object. Why do we forget that of the guys parents, his mom is female too. So, to accuse men(only men) having double standards is naive(and itself a double standard). Next, if I like a girl (that I want to get married) and we both live in the same town/city and decide to live together, no big deal. If we then have some serious problems we are not able to iron out, what do we do?? Talk of commitment and live together for the rest of our lives in misery? It would obviously be prudent for both of us to part ways amicably. A \"live in\" is the true test of your relationship. Meeting for a couple of hours at a movie or in the park and putting on your absolute best behavior is not a prelude to a happy married life. But all said and done, Indian society still has a long way to go before it can embrace the concept of \"live in\" relationships. For now, I think I would stick to movies and parks....

, BTW arpan, I DO NOT remember the nurse who \"pulled\" me out.

by **Helen of Troy** » Tue May 21, 2002 12:30 am

Parents form a major chunk of society...the issue of gender when it comes to parents does not arise b\'coz all parents whether male or female will have the same views on \"live-in relationships\" (they all belong to the same school of thought).......if things don\'t work out between you and your girl, will u adopt the same policy for the next prospective girl, ie live together (AGAIN).....will there be an end to this trial and error tactic????...u must understand that u will never find the perfect guy/girl...who says u need to put up a facade for a happy married life.......if your partner is truly in love with u, he/she will accept you for what u are.

by **The One** » Tue May 21, 2002 12:30 am

Hey Srinu......you make it sound so simple.......do u really think live-ins are no big deal???..apply what you said to your life and wait for the reaction of you parents .......they\'ll probably have a fit.....

by **Arpan** » Tue May 21, 2002 12:30 am

Helen! Reality check time... I think u need to get into one hardcore relationship where u get to know some facts of life... dreams stop at the REM stage lady... everything else is a compromise... and with alarm clocks, nowadays even dreams are a compromise

by **Srinu** » Thu May 23, 2002 12:30 am

LOVE!! Another 4 letter dirty word. Thats all it ends at. Why do most of us live in dreams of true love. Now I am not being dramatic (aka amir khan in DCH - that i dont believe in love) but how many \"love\" marriages really click. People get married only to find the person they married is not the person they were in \"love\" with. I am not saying live in relationships are a must. But I am saying it would be good to know your partner as a everyday person(in all moods - no pun intended) and not just make your decision based on a couple of hours that you spend in some park. And go to necklace road, a live in relationship is not the only way to live in \"sin\".

And yeah helen, my parents would have a fit if they ever find me living in with a girl.

by **Helen of Troy** » Thu May 23, 2002 12:30 am

OK......Maybe I got a little carried away with the \"true love thing\"........(damn, I must stop watching those Hindi flicks).......I\'m not as cynical as you are but yes I am wary of the 4 letter word.....I\'ve seen marriages based on \"love\" hit the rocks...but I thought I\'d give it a chance to happen before turning a hard-core cynic..\"......couple of hrs that u spend in a park\".......hey which world are u living in????....are u saying that u\'ll decide on your life-partner after spending \"quality time\" with her in parks/theatres/bowling alleys!!.......if u were to have a long-drawn courtship period...won\'t that give u enough time to judge the person?......why resort to a live-in and lose your reputation? (thats if your reputation is imp to u....)

by **Helen of Troy** » Thu May 23, 2002 12:30 am

Advice being considered.........mister \"been there done that\"........

by **lucifer_in_desiguise** » Thu May 23, 2002 12:30 am

helen...i believe 1 wrong guy, 1 bad realtion should not scare you you away ne body having a realtion atall....
had edison given up at some time, there would not have been a electric bulb now.....
what all i say is grow up and have a proper understanding of what a true live in realtion is all about..... alllda best

by **Krishna** » Fri May 24, 2002 12:30 am

...relationships aren\'t electric bulbs....!!!

by **Srinu** » Sat May 25, 2002 12:30 am

hmmm.... first of all....good to see this discussion still going on.. yes, helen.. my reputation is important to me.
but as u said, you seen many love marriages \"hit the rocks\". i have seen more divorces in love marriages than arranged. so whats this phenomenon?? i believe it would do my reputation no good if i had to go for a divorce. why is a divorce acceptable (as it is nowadays) and not a live in relationship???? arent they one and the same... u live with a person... & if u realize things are not working for you.... break up.... only u dont have a \"legal\" certificate saying you two are consumated in marriage.
i think you misunderstood my earlier msg where i said \"and NOT just make your decision based on a couple of hours that you spend in some park\". Now I am not saying a live in relationship is a cure to all ills. but i believe that it will help understand a person better. if you dont think thats true, i would like an explanation abt the failure rates of \'love\' marriages.... and just to make a point.. i am not in any live in and not interested in one... i just feel that if you are in \"love\" it would be a better way of making your decision.

by **Helen of Troy** » Sat May 25, 2002 12:30 am

No offence meant to you, but I was referring to many like you in my opening message. You won\'t go in for a live-in b\'coz you don\'t want to hurt your parents or for whatever other reason, yet u continue to support the issue. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but I can\'t help say this.....a topic like this is strictly a verbal one with no takers in real life.

by **Srinu** » Sat May 25, 2002 12:30 am

sorry to disappoint you helen. my parents would be disappointed to know i am having a live-in but then they would let me live my life. and as for guts... i really care a damn who thinks what. but what prevents me for going for a live-in is.... will the girl really be ready to opt out if things dont work out... or will it be a another of those hang-over kinda relationship... i dont want to be forced into a relationship by guilt. as long as it doesnt leave scars(for anyone concerned)..... i am ready for it. any takers????

by **Helen of Troy** » Sun May 26, 2002 12:30 am

Getting out of a live-in (if things don\'t work out) and not having any emotional scars????......you\'ve got to be really really resilient for that......more so in the case of a girl b\'coz its a known fact that women are the more emotional of the two genders.....if men are hesitant about the whole thing, women are doubly so b\'coz they have a lot more to lose......anyway, u brought out a valid point.

by **Srinu** » Mon May 27, 2002 12:30 am

so i guess that means...that effectively closes this board. nice one helen.

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