How do I handle this infatuation... if it is one?!?!?

by **bluenile** » Wed Jul 03, 2002 11:38 pm

There\'s this guy who is my immediate neighbour.We never spoke to each other so far and then I realised that he was definitely showing some signs of interest. I never thought much of him until recently and now I have this massive crush on him. I\'m trying hard not to think of it and though it\'s a major ego booster,I\'m hoping that it\'s just a passing phase. But the more I try to avoid thinking of him, the more restless I become and end up walking up and down my balcony to see if his bike is around and if he\'s at home. To make matters worse, the fact remains that we are both married (of course, not to each other).
This is eating me up and I have just this single person on my mind all the while.
And pleeeeeeaseeeee, no sermons on marriage and fidelity and stuff. I\'m not looking for any cheapo thrills.I know that I would be fooish to ruin my marital life or his. But sometimes , things like this just happen and I feel that if I can somehow interact with him and his family and get to know him, we\'ll end up as good friends and nothing more and I\'ll just get over this whole stupid thing. Any suggestions???

by **whitenile** » Wed Jul 03, 2002 11:47 pm

If you want a serious advise - Don\'t interact with him or his family, if you do that then I am sure will end with him in his bed, after that you know better what will happend to you and his family. On a lighter side swap each other, I mean you marry with that guy and your husband should marry with his wife (what a great idea).

by **vivek of themavericks.. remember!!** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 12:57 am

No offense,guys but if you read books like sigmund freud\'s interpretation of dreams,or ayan ryand\'s atlas shrugged or any other psycoanalysis books.You would under go a mental transtion,that would probably make life easier... i said probably but worth shot i would say as far as reading such books goes.I have read such books and i know how simplelife would become.In cases if infatuation theres nothing like the pereto law that would say something constructive to some extent,neither a hypothesis like the murphy would do the majic of clearing the mind.In case of infatuation where in you can`t make up you mind try this.IF YOU ARE A BOY-USE YOU HAND,IF YOU ARE A GIRL-USE YOUR MIND .I said no offense remember!

by **guess** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 4:06 am

bluenile....My advice to u is strictly based on the follwing sentence that u mentioned...so no offence intended....\"\"And pleeeeeeaseeeee, no sermons on marriage and fidelity and stuff. \"\"\"\".......just go and sleep with him.....if he agrees....but beware ..ur husband or his will b watching.....

by **Hina** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 5:15 am

Just put yourself in your husband\'s shoes and think if he was infatuated with your neighbors wife ,what solution would you give your husband? Same solution applies to you!

by **bluenile** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 9:20 am

Excuse me !! I SAID that I dont want to mess up anybody\'s lives including mine in this whole process. I just happened to speak to his wife for the first time yesterday and I made a conscious effort to interact with her so that it would make me realise that she\'s somebody\'s wife too and it wouldn\'t be nice to go disrupting their marriage. And anyway, I don\'t even know this guy\'s name. Least of all, I have no intentions of any sort of physical contact.
Just tell me how to divert my mind. I need help here because he stays next door and I have no other place to go hide and avoid him.

by **lucifer_in_disguise** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 9:41 am

Mrs.nile, I find two things in your case, firstly if your point is to believed you do not desire a physical contact with your neighbour, you are rather longing to make him as your pal, that is never a bad idea, but please make sure you do not \"raise the wrong expectations\" in the process, as you might be aware of the other two people involved.....
Secondly things like these occur, when life becomes monotonous and a sick routine, i think the best idea for you should be to take up a job{ if you are not doing one rt now}, just because it increases your social circle and makes you commited towards something better, a proper professional life {job} is the best substittue to divert your mind, and in the process whats wrong in inviting your neighbours on social occassions etc and be a good neighbours, i am quiet sure once you start talking with ppl all ur phobias will just vanish.....all the best

by **Ucchu Mian** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 2:30 pm

Dear Bluenile, First of all take comfort in the fact the many people face this kind of situation at some point in time in their lives… so you are not alone. Your worry to get out of this situation intact in itself is quite a good signal indicating that you can easily win this little battle if you remain determined.

Idealized infatuation may feel like love and you could easily fall into troubles if you do not apply right brakes at the right time. Do a little analysis of your own self and try to establish what is missing in your life and what you want. Because often this kind of situation arises when there is some vacuum somewhere in your life, as pointed out by Lucifer. Half the battle in taking care of yourself is figuring out what you want – your dream.. (Unfortunately, an obsession with things outside the self does little in meeting one’s own needs – it does however provide a distraction from dealing with inner self. It can be very difficult to get off this merry whirlpool. ). Unless the result of your self analysis ends up in an immoral desire - which you mentioned is not the case - you can easily win the other half of the battle by engaging yourself in the actions that will eventually get you there. You might consider socializing more, moving to a different place, caring your home, husband and children more, trying to remember and take pleasure in the happy moments that you and your husband shared in the past.. – may be this is the right time to take out from the shelf all your marriage photos album and go through them with your husband – do whatever you can to boost your love and passion for your husband – try to think of the moments where you thought he is most wonderful person in the world.. I hope these simple things might reinforce your marriage bond and help you get out of this time swiftly. Anyway, best of luck to you.

by **venkat ranga reddy ravula** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 4:42 pm

hi,when you don\'t feel that you are innocuous,then whats the problem?why can\'t you put things simple?when you strongly say that you don\'t intend to end up in the bed with your neighbour,then how come you make things complex?there is no harm to know people around you and knowing the people does not deteriorate the relations.by the way what do you want to know about your neighbour?you can be close to your neighbour\'s wife and collect the info about him.anyhow what would you get if you know about him?are you sure what you are expecting from him?i would suggest you to make things simple and sort it out and don\'t be idle.

by **Bhaimiya** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 4:56 pm

Ucchu Mian: Kahan teh itney dinno sey Board pey nazar nahee aarien - kya baat hey.

by **bluenile** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 10:58 pm

Mian,Venkat & Lucifer

Thanks for your sensible words of wisdom. But the fact that hubby is away for four full days and I\'m alone at home does not help any. I\'m at my mom\'s the whole day and busy with something or the other but come evening and due to some reasons I have to come back to my place to sleep and I\'m gritting my teeth and walking into my home with my face towards the ground. I just feel like screamingggggggggg.
And yes, I\'ve been watching old home video cassettes...bdays and picnics and weddings and relatives.. for the past 2 hours and been calling up hubby and talking to him. Looks like I\'ll catch up on all my tv soaps and crash.
Yes, I know I need a job but in the current situation, where would I find one???
Thanks again and good night :-)

by **venkat ranga reddy ravula** » Fri Jul 05, 2002 9:49 am

hi,the first line was mis typed.its when you feel that you are innocuous.

by **venkat ranga reddy ravula** » Fri Jul 05, 2002 9:51 am

hi mrs bulenile,
so whats the latest.hahahahahah.what are you doing?is your hubby back home?hope you are fighting well with \"you\"and \"youself\".have patience.all that matters is time.

by **lucifer_in_disguise** » Fri Jul 05, 2002 11:18 am

Nile, dont mix up things..fatigue is diffeerent form infatuation....n what made you eevr think that the married guy next door is a possible answer to all your boredom.....n also from ur first message , you mentioned that he is showing some signs of interest....you have already raised some wrong expectations in his mind towards you.......ok, i shld not go in to ur personal life... but htink n be sure there would be a consensus -ad-idem in what ever you do....n w.r.t to the better things that can be done to avoid boredom, well thats a different proportion altogher.....finally be sure......for the rt question therez always the rt answer from lucifer (in disguise)

by **bluenile** » Fri Jul 05, 2002 3:22 pm

Lucifer in disguise, (that\'s Satan isn\'t it??? wonder why you chose that nick...)...anyways, no I have done nothing to provoke this person. I\'m an extremely average person and even if I wanted to seduce somebody, I wouldn\'t know how to go about it. And my instincts can\'t be wrong....and they are not just instincts..they are flashing stormlights...c\'mon, any woman can sense it when she\'s being paid extra attention.

by **lucifer_in_disguise** » Fri Jul 05, 2002 4:08 pm

nile, cos i prefer to be the king of the hell, rather than be a slave in the heaven....n yup it is friday, time to chill out.....have fun every one....ciao

by **Rakhee** » Sat Jul 06, 2002 6:01 pm

\'Rakhee\' is the best Solution Buddy ! No objection from anybody and it will solve your problem also. \'No Cheers\' !

by **Ur_Nebor** » Sat Jul 06, 2002 6:15 pm

friends do you know who is this bluenile ! Waw !! m sure all of you know this personality very well.. Hey bluenile I got you ...

by **bluenile** » Sat Jul 06, 2002 7:32 pm

Ur_Nebor,

lol....good u got in touch with me

by **Ucchu Mian** » Sun Jul 07, 2002 12:02 pm

Salaam Bhaimiya.. Koi khaas bat nai hai.. chup aisich..kabhi kabhi dil qamoosh baithna bhi bolta.. aur kya haal hai..

by **Bhaimiya** » Sun Jul 07, 2002 1:39 pm

Ucchu Mian: Kya yeh khamooshi koyee toofan ka peygam toh nahi hey.

by **Bhaimiya** » Sun Jul 07, 2002 6:25 pm

Any new development!lol

Who is online