Father In-law Won't Leave!!!

[bigchief with big problem]

I married on November 15th 2003 and everything was going well. My wife Jennifer and I, (both 29) bought a house in February and I went to Texas for work. Jennifer's father, 50 had moved to Tennessee. I got a call while I was in Texas from Jennifer informing me her dad was going to make the move back to Michigan and was wondering if he could move in and live with us until he found a job and a place to live. I said, "It wouldn't be a problem". He moved in the middle of March and still has not left. He's found a job but has done nothing, (in my opinion) to find a place to live. Every night he takes his spot in front of my TV. Every weekend he takes his spot pool side. He comes home with DVD's, an MP3 player and a new cellular phone. He took 2 days off work to go up north to inquire about a job and ended up meeting a girl and spending all the money he had saved or so we believe. He never even went to the dealership to find out about the job. When he called the dealership on the way home they told him they weren't hiring at this time. I am miserable! I've tried to be understanding and patient but I don't know what to do. I started out with the intent of helping my father in-law but I've realized that I'm not helping him at all. I've talked to Jennifer about how I feel but it seems it is just gets swept under the rug. She finally said something to him a week an a half ago and still he has done nothing. This weekend he decided to bring his step daughter down from Bay City. She is five. This of course means he will be pool side again all weekend. I have given my wife an ultimatum either he goes by August 31 or I go. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing but I'm so unhappy I don't even want to be there. My wife believes I should just be more patient. 8 months into our marriage and we are talking about divorce. I feel like I've missed out on our first year of marriage. How do I tell my father in-law it's time to go?

[wizzy]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz *mumble mumble mumble* zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz

[asli_badmash]

How do I tell my father in-law it's time to go?

Stop acting like a PUSSY and stand up for yourself. You are Pussy-Whipped...



There is a time for diplomacy and there is time to whop ass. Looks like you have an errant Father-In-Law on hand.



Ask him to

1. Pay for his stay here. Like rent.. food money. etc.

2. Ask him to clean up the pool if he uses it.

3. Ask him to clean the house; rake the leaves.

4. Now he has a kid at your place. He should pay for the Kid too....

5. Share cable bill.

6. Share Electricity bill.

7. Share phone bill.

etc.. ect...



He knows you are Pussy-whipped and he will ride your ass all the way till his death. Do you want that?



Divorcing your wife is not the solution....You need to know what are your priorities. i.e. Your wife and you.. thats it! You didnt marry the Father and if he is going to behave like a teenager.. then he should pay for his own ass.



~badmash~

[bigchief]

I am not pussy wipped! That has nothing to do with it. You must not be married or have been in to many relationships otherwise you would realize that you don't burn bridges you have to cross. The problem is not having balls to tell my father in-law to leave. If I get shity it may affect my marriage in many ways in the long run. Resentment that can arise from husband and in-law fighting can make things terrible for the future. I appreciate your response but unfortunately I have to throw it to the waste side.

[azazel]

give ur pa-in-law Raj's number.. tell him she's a hot chick..



if not tht, i suggest u do as Asli Badmaash said..stand up n make yer pt! u said u were thinkin of gettin a divorce if the current situation is not resolved, yet ur worried abt the long run incase u have to go thru what AB said u should! its best to sort it out now or get some more patience

[rabbithole]

here's ma 2 cents



change the lock of yer home n dont give him the keys



it mite work

[asli_badmash]

I am not pussy wipped! That has nothing to do with it. You must not be married or have been in to many relationships otherwise you would realize that you don't burn bridges you have to cross. The problem is not having balls to tell my father in-law to leave. If I get shity it may affect my marriage in many ways in the long run. Resentment that can arise from husband and in-law fighting can make things terrible for the future. I appreciate your response but unfortunately I have to throw it to the waste side.

Listen dude... I may have been wrong in calling you pussy-whipped.. maybe you are not. And I am not talking about burning bridges. I am talking about what you can do to get your Father-In-Law to be responsible for his actions. You F.I.L is behaving like a teenager. Spending money irresponsibly and leading an easy life.



You are the Man of the House... you are responsible for what happens under your roof. If people cant be responsible for their actiosn you are responsible to show them how to... how ever senior they are.



Sure, I am not saying you should fight with your father-in-law.. but if your in-laws being in your house interfere's in your marraige/life then you should probably speak up.



But its your choice and you are responsible for your life. Best of luck.



~badmash~

[Bigchief]

Well your all probably right. It's just hard to swallow because I just got married and I wasn't planning on having this sort of trouble. Wanted to have a good relationship with F.I.L. but I care more about my wife and I. I like the Idea of changing the locks! But anyways thanks for the input, will do some serious thinking about confronting him.

[asli_badmash]

Well your all probably right. It's just hard to swallow because I just got married and I wasn't planning on having this sort of trouble. Wanted to have a good relationship with F.I.L. but I care more about my wife and I. I like the Idea of changing the locks! But anyways thanks for the input, will do some serious thinking about confronting him.

Best of luck.. I think you know what to do!

~badmash~

[azazel]

yep.. go break a leg

[Bimbette]

TALK!



Just let it be known to ur FIL what you think. Mulling over the way things are headed will not help. Talking to a spouse's parent (in a situation like this) is a delicate issue but sweeping things under the carpet won't help.



Whats ur wife's take on all this now ? I do hope things work out for you. Good luck!



PS Divorce? Not worth it. Quit thinking about it.

[The Rainmaker]

just TELL him!! a lil politely.. but clearly. why did divorce come into the picture/??

[dumpster]

just TELL him!! a lil politely.. but clearly. why did divorce come into the picture/??

kick his ass and tell him to take his booty & shove it up!! wat is ur FIL thinkin of himself??? only desi FILs can act funny but amru FILs shud nt be allowed 2 fuk around wid desi SILs.

[Lucifer]

Call for me! I shall set him right, one way or another!

[Can Relate!]

Man, you just told my story! My Father in law was struggling in a big city to survive. I suggested to my wife that he move in with us...we live in a small town and it is very affordable. The idea was that he''d get backon his feet and find an affordable apartment and work. Well, it's been months now. He got welfare and hasn't left Facebook since he got here. Literally, he wakes up, goes to the family computer and owns it, browsing the net for about 8 hours. Wife cookws and cleans, and even brings him his morning coffee while he browses. If this isn't bad enough, he's only given us 100.00 since he got here. We have three small children and my income is the only income. When I approach her about it, she gets defensive..."Fine, I'll tell him to leave...will that make you happy?" I am seriously on the edge and have told my wife that if it isn't addressed, or dad doesn't at least try to help out with bills, one of us has to go, and it just might be me. I sympathize 150% with you man.

[Amadeus38]

You have to somehow get your wife to see things clearly and take a stance with you. My own situation may start to change for the better...only because I decided not to be defensive about it...I calmly told my wife "Hey...We work hard to run this house. It costs money and time to run this home. I like your father, but don't you think things are a little one-sided? Wouldn't you like to have some help with things instead of doing everything, financially and otherwise?" She finally
agreed with me. She's afraid that she'll burn a bridge with her dad, but as it was already mentioned in this post...if someone is being that selfish, they need to be called on it. If you and your wife can approach it as a unified team...much like dealing with children, you may make some headway. I know exactly how you feel, trust me. No-one wants to be the one to ruin a party...but in your (an mine) case, the FIL's party has to come to an end. Oh...and if you really want to play hardball, there are a number of subtle things you can do that will put the ball back in his court...
don't cook more dinner than you and your wife can eat...don't wash his laundry. Keep his separate from yours. Keep less food in the house. Set your PVR to record something constantly, so he can't own the remote. And my favourite...I did this because FIL sits on facebook no less than 8 hours a day, thus constantly being in the livingroom and taking over the family computer (so much for the alleged job and apt. searching) I have a laptop of my own...I installed a remote keylogger in it. Since my computer is linked to the family computer, I set the keylogger to send all info from the family computer to mine. Sometimes I'll block his facebook page, sometimes I'll just disable his internet from my pc. It sounds evil, but it works. Not a very loving solution, but it gets him out of our hair for awhile when he can't log into the net. I just tell him "Oh, it's an old PC...it acts up alot. Best of luck again, to you.