aussiegal wrote:I have been married to my husband for 12 years and now find out he is having a second affair on me. His profession puts him right in the path of women looking for a lover while they are still married as well. I ask him why he has done it a 2nd time and he says there are too many temptations out there and he does not mean for it to happen.
This same guy has been married before and played up on his 2 previous wives. He tells me that I am to blame but of course that is the answer they always give you.
Can anyone out there advise me what to do. I told him to get out "he says he won't because he is married to me and plans on staying with me" He is a sicko I feel and I just wonder how to get out of this marriage. We have lots of little grandchildren who will be devastated if this does happen.
I have asked him to go to a counsellor with me again he says "there is nothing the matter with him". I looked at him awhile ago and I'd swear he is sitting on the edge of a heartache/stroke. I don't feel much better myself.
Hey everyone I just need someone to talk to and some sound advice.
Help me!!!!
Problems:
1. Fidelity - past history of affairs and current affair
2. Career - is around women, ego and personality
3. Children/Grandchildren - you want family to be stablized
4. Commitment - cannot commit to counselor, discussion or even to you
5. Excuses - makes horrible excuses, and
blames you
Solutions:
1. The recommend route to deal with people who are unfaithful in a relationship is through marriage counseling, group therapy. Obviously, he vehemently has said no - time and again. At this point, I would recommend you seek a divorce lawyer and discuss your options. By speaking to a legal expert who sees cases like yours all the time, he/she can be trusted to give you sound advice - and you can best decide how to approach leaving this relationship/salvage it.
2. I understand some careers are such that they have the flattery and flirting. And, lets face it - everyone is susceptible at some point. But, also recognize that a husband's duty to a wife should come first.
3. I have read your posts and replies to others. Not once have you mentioned that you want to STAY in the marriage because you WANT to. You have only mentioned that it is for the children. Pretty damning evidence of what your true feelings are. Clearly, you are unhappy because he MAKES you unhappy, why pursue a relationship while making YOURSELF unhappy? Will leaving him make you love your grandchildren any less? And what sort of message are you sending them by staying in this relationship?
4. There are only so many chances a human deserves in a lifetime. After repeated requests your husband declines to accomodate your feelings and disagrees to couseling. What makes you think he deserves you now?
5. Look at his past history with women! After two failed marriages, he married you. Seems like both the other marriages were his fault (because of his affairs). Third time's the charm? I think not.
I understand that you have been married 12 years and I commend you on it. What you are facing in this relationship is called abuse. Its pure psychological and emotional abuse! Please make a decision soon - whether you want to stay or leave because once you have you have a clear path to follow. Also, look for any group's that offer help on domestic situations such as yours. They are a great resource and comfort for those who are conflicted in marriages.
Jaan
(I am sorry for such a long post. Hope everything works out well for you. Good luck.)
