Where is our culture heading to...

[Broken Heart]

This is my true story. I was engaged to a girl 2 yrs back, before heading for higher studies and when I am back to India for marriage, after successful completion of my studies, I had a huge shock in my life!!! She said I am not willing to marry you.



Before engagement I told her, that it will take time as I am going for higher studies and marriage is only possible after my completion of studies, she said ok...and we had wonderful exchange of words and promises in these 2 yrs, and when I am finally back to get married she said no. I was bit amazed at that point, but I was not sure as to what the reason was. As she told this news when our parents and there parents are trying to fix the auspicious day for marriage, I sensed that this was not the right time to ask her to explain the reason, see I was still believing her, as expected there parents were scolding her. So i asked her to meet me the next day and justify the reason for saying no.



To my suprise I was told the next day, that she is married to a colleague at her workplace.



I am really suprised by this act. I heard many stories about NRI's breaking the relationships, but I guess it's the other way now. Is this the new trend of India...

[Zorro7]

Relax ....

May be someone better is chosen for you.



Well the pt is...

Now the trend has moved to No Patient.

Ppl cant w8.

They want everything fast...AFAP.



Who will w8 for 2 yrs...in patience.



The other side is..

Ur relationship might have given it a start.

Generally women are cautious to talk with men.

but since she is engaged... they are ready to talk n Xplore...



newayz dude.. relax...

As I said earlier.. Some 1 better is chosen for u....

[Broken Heart]

yes ur completely true...I am not at all worried abt her saying NO to me.



But don't you think that a human being should have some morals & ethics, man she talked to me for 2 years and when I am back to India, she just said "NO".



Just think for example, if I have written an exam (with confidence) and got failed in that, I am expected to know the reason why I am failed. Just felt that I wasn't treated as a human here.



Well the pt is...
Now the trend has moved to No Patient.
Ppl cant w8.
They want everything fast...AFAP.

Who will w8 for 2 yrs...in patience.



Well Zorro7, I have waited patiently...I Guess!!! If she is married the next day...it's true that she is having affair well in advance, in that case she would have told me before. Having trusted her I wasted my percious time...don't you think so.

[VJ]

Well Zorro7, I have waited patiently...I Guess!!! If she is married the next day...it's true that she is having affair well in advance, in that case she would have told me before. Having trusted her I wasted my percious time...don't you think so.

Then you are fooled or u have become scapegoat for her timepass



@VJ

[Zorro7]

"Well Zorro7, I have waited patiently...I Guess!!! If she is married the next day...it's true that she is having affair well in advance, in that case she would have told me before. Having trusted her I wasted my percious time...don't you think so

Yeah .. its difficult to digest what she has done.

Its humiliating and painful... I can understand.



On the other hand....

U might have realized by ur 2 yr conversations that

she loved u or not. just believing that she is engaged to you

n she will only love you or be to you...isnt quite right on ur part.



n again...I say



What she has done isnt correct.....

n ytf should u feel bad.....

if u r good @ morals n ethics.... many women will like u for sure.



Think of present and future not about the past.

These kind of setbacks happen.. even to kalam it happened(if u have

read Wings of Fire)



As the saying goes...

" Good girls like bad guys... n bad girls like gud guys ... j/k"

[dhakkan]

im xtremely sry bt wht happened with u.......as she xplained u tht she alrdy got married to some 1 at her work place n as u said tht u hv been in contact with her wen u wer abroad......some one very truely said even the GOD has never been able to understand women

[VJ]

Where is our culture heading to?

It's giving its way to the next generation



@VJ

[wiredbeats]

This is my true story. I was engaged to a girl 2 yrs back, before heading for higher studies and when I am back to India for marriage, after successful completion of my studies, I had a huge shock in my life!!! She said I am not willing to marry you.

Before engagement I told her, that it will take time as I am going for higher studies and marriage is only possible after my completion of studies, she said ok...and we had wonderful exchange of words and promises in these 2 yrs, and when I am finally back to get married she said no. I was bit amazed at that point, but I was not sure as to what the reason was. As she told this news when our parents and there parents are trying to fix the auspicious day for marriage, I sensed that this was not the right time to ask her to explain the reason, see I was still believing her, as expected there parents were scolding her. So i asked her to meet me the next day and justify the reason for saying no.

To my suprise I was told the next day, that she is married to a colleague at her workplace.

I am really suprised by this act. I heard many stories about NRI's breaking the relationships, but I guess it's the other way now. Is this the new trend of India...

Don't blame the culture...culture is fine the problem is with you. You just can't do some advance booking with human beings man!!..they are not show tickets to stay all the time

[Zorro7]

?s the meaning of engagement .... dude ...

lol..

[dhakkan]

like v do advance boking for a movie next week the same way v do engagement to marry a gal aftr some time.........but wen u book a ticket once its 4 sure tht u gonna watch the movie dat day on dat seat but in engagement as u saw in our frnd's case

[exhydi]

Before engagement I told her, that it will take time as I am going for higher studies and marriage is only possible after my completion of studies, she said ok...and we had wonderful exchange of words and promises in these 2 yrs, and when I am finally back to get married she said no. I was bit amazed at that point, but I was not sure as to what the reason was. As she told this news when our parents and there parents are trying to fix the auspicious day for marriage, I sensed that this was not the right time to ask her to explain the reason, see I was still believing her, as expected there parents were scolding her. So i asked her to meet me the next day and justify the reason for saying no.

To my suprise I was told the next day, that she is married to a colleague at her workplace.

You really have to wonder...this girl was engaged to you for 2 yrs, kept in touch with you actively and THEN say no when both sets of parents are present? Two things pop into mind.

- How come she didn't say no BEFORE the meeting and spare the embarrasment to everyone.

- She has SOME guts to say it in front of everyone!

[Broken Heart]

Don't blame the culture...culture is fine the problem is with you. You just can't do some advance booking with human beings man!!..they are not show tickets to stay all the time

I am sorry if you got offended by me blaming the culture...it's true that she is just an individual in the community.



And you are true, human beings are not show tickets...if u think they are, I would have merely bought 2 more just in case one doesn't work out.



I am very much happy that she said NO to me before marriage, but the only concern is that she didn't even care to tell me why, after those wonderful 2 yrs. Don't you think trust & truthfulness is important here, she kept stabbing me from behind.

[Broken Heart]

?s the meaning of engagement .... dude ...
lol..

Engagement in my opinion is "an agreement made by two individuals with the concern of their parents upon some vows leading to a marriage".



Thats my way of understanding, I would like others to make their own opinion on the above, after all I guess I have misunderstood that one.

[Broken Heart]

You really have to wonder...this girl was engaged to you for 2 yrs, kept in touch with you actively and THEN say no when both sets of parents are present? Two things pop into mind.
- How come she didn't say no BEFORE the meeting and spare the embarrasment to everyone.
- She has SOME guts to say it in front of everyone!

Well let me have a guess here.



Thing one - When she called me and said that she will meet me, I said come to Vinayaka temple...as she took me to that place when I asked her long before...can you please take me to your place.



Thing Two - I have to say that she do got some guts. And for her that was the last day, last hour, last minute...to act so.

[zorro7]

I know whats engagement....



Its sort of advance booking only showing ur commitment... .



Even in case of movie shows... shows might get cancelled after advance booking... n they dont even bother to tell the reason .. like the case with our buddy...

[I is eloquent]

I feel for you Broken. I am not against the decision she made. It is a good thing she blurted out her response even at the last minute. Just imagine if you had to go through having actually married her and then have her whining about a divorce because she is in love with someone at her workplace.



Now, what pisses me off about her is the way she went about things. From the looks of it she seems to be a very cunning oppurtunist. Why would she keep in contact with you for 2 years as if nothing was wrong? Yeah, because you were her fail-safe plan. If it didn't workout with her lover then she would always use you as her parachute since you were engaged with her. She has no excuse wasting 2 years of your life fully knowing the outcome of how your engagement would end. If you ever get a chance to meet her, I recommend you give her a heartfelt sincere slap. Get it ALL out. Many will whine about "never hit a girl" philosophy but to tell the truth, if they want equality with men then they need to step up to the plate and stop whining about getting slapped for the sh1t they pull sometimes.

[FT]

what a pity... I just promised myself that I will not whack another netizen in public forums...



I will have to break it now.



Empathize with broken hearts, et all, but I have to see how much this 'I is Eloquent' will not whine, and take it like a man.



Dude, 'I is for Ediot', did your parents teach you by application of violent behaviour in your presence that physical violence is cool as part of a relationship?



I doubt that. I am certain, that the values you grew up with will dictate, violence is not cool. So, why propagate it?



Broken hearts need a kind ear. Not necessarily an immediate solution. This is not your intermediate math problem to be solved.



Life's travesties sometime are not problems, they are opportunities to learn something new.

[I is for Ediot]

Hah, I knew I was going to strike someone’s nerve somewhere. Thanks for the jabs; I take them in full jest.



Let’s address the points in your rant, shall we?

Now you bring up that “I support violence in a relationship”. That is but your strawman. Broken heart wasn’t in a relationship and I suggested “A” slap not “beating the crap out of her until she bleeds” on a regular basis. Now that would have been violence. A slap is something that hurts the pride more than anything and in Broken Hearts case his action would have been more justifiable for being cunningly deceived for two long years. I wonder if you wouldn't cry foul about avoiding violence if someone stole two years out of your love life.



At any rate, you say he needs a listening ear and not a problem solver. I made a statement with “If you ever meet her”, think you can compute the probability of that happening anytime soon? An “immediate” problem solver would have been, “Go to her house, stalk her and slap her”.



I’ve seen too many of my friends who were supposedly involved in a loving relationship. To be more specific, back in college one of my friends was after a girl for 4 years. Needless to say he screwed up his precious study time and went after her. Right now the girl is in U.K. happily married to someone else while this dude is pumping gas in Florida. Violence is not always wicked. It is also justifiable at times. Oh yeah, believe me when I say there IS righteous anger. Some people need to be let know that they hurt others. What do you suggest that Broker Heart do? Write a sad song about it and move on with his life while the girl who perpetuated the crime of breaking his heart walks hands free without a scratch?

Life's travesties sometime are not problems, they are opportunities to learn something new.

I agree. I am just trying to make sure that the girl in question gets to learn something new from it instead of drawing the conclusion “it’s ok to screw people over”. May be you believe in kissing karma that somehow someday it will teach her a lesson not to play with peoples lives. Dude, I am more of a “do unto others as others have done unto you” kind of person.



Sorry for the long post. Was bored out of my mind at work.

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

I suggested “A” slap not “beating the crap out of her until she bleeds” on a regular basis. Now that would have been violence. A slap is something that hurts the pride more than anything and in Broken Hearts case his action would have been more justifiable for being cunningly deceived for two long years.

I agree.



Given that we've heard only Broken Heart's version, if that is true, the girl has committed a serious crime.



I personally believe the biggest crimes in the world go unreported and unpunished by any judicial system, and they have to do with the heart.



When a person is robbed, he does not suffer for years in suicidal depression - he recovers in a few days. The robber still gets several months to several years in prison.



When someone is murdered, he does not suffer for years in suicidal depression - the murderer still gets 14 years, or even death.



There are zillions of crimes listed in the IPC for which punishments are prescribed, and very few of them come close to the trauma caused to the victim that a heartbreak can result in. In addition, the victim becomes unproductive, screws up his career or studies, and becomes a pain to his near and dear ones because of this, extending the misery.



The point is, most of us recognize the enormity of a crime by the number of years in prison it entails. If there were no judicial system, most people would have no pecking order for crimes - we know murder is serious since it is punishable by death or life imprisonment, the harshest punishment. That is what makes it big in our minds.



Society, unfortunately, still does not recognize breaking someone's heart through cheating as a crime. It is a crime that cannot be seen - or understood by people who haven't been through it themselves - and that makes it go unreported.



And since it is not legally classified as a crime, several times even the victim does not realize that a crime has been committed against him/her. He just puts it down to his own misfortune - the way you'd treat the hurt caused by an accident where you accidentally slipped and fell in the bathroom and fractured your backbone.



If the world were evolved enough to be able to quantitatively measure mental trauma (and if it were possible), and the punishment for a crime were made directly proportional to the mental trauma that it has caused in the victim(s), then people who cause heartbreaks through cheating, as in the case above, should get the harshest punishment - perhaps a lifetime of rigorous imprisonment. And it should be publicized.



Oh, a slap is nothing, FT.



Such judicial recognition (I know it is impractical, I am talking of an ideal world) would dramatically bring down such crimes, simply since people now know that it is a crime, for God's sake.



That said, a punishment, in my opinion, should be awarded only for 2 reasons:



1. Reform the perpetrator

2. The crime is high-profile



In my opinion, there is simply no point in punishing someone who is remorseful, will never again do what he did, and is ready to do whatever it takes to remedy the damage to the extent possible. (That is also why I hate karma, even if I believe in it.)



This should be the course of action if no one will ever know of the crime or the punishment. If, however, several people are aware of the crime, then punishment should be awarded even if the above is true - society should know that you cannot get away. For, implemented punishment is an effective deterrent.

[Bimbette]

I can't begin to imagine what you would have gone through Broken Heart. Really sorry about what happened.



Like someone said you can only thank your stars that the girl didn't marry you and then show her true colours. As much as people rubbish it, the karma theory is bound to catch up with the girl.



You at your end should just take care to see that you keep yourself/your mind busy. Take care.

[Broken Heart]

She has no excuse wasting 2 years of your life fully knowing the outcome of how your engagement would end. If you ever get a chance to meet her, I recommend you give her a heartfelt sincere slap. Get it ALL out.

Yes, I am doing it for sure from the bottom of my heart.

Many will whine about "never hit a girl" philosophy but to tell the truth, if they want equality with men then they need to step up to the plate and stop whining about getting slapped for the sh1t they pull sometimes.

That was my attitude earlier "never hit a girl", and she knows it too. But using this to her advantage made me change my attitude. If I don't act accordingly she thinks its OK to dump somebody just like that without justification.

[Broken Heart]

Given that we've heard only Broken Heart's version, if that is true, the girl has committed a serious crime.

My version is true as it happend and I am waiting, to be heard from that girl, to this day. What's your version of story, did I do anything wrong.

When a person is robbed, he does not suffer for years in suicidal depression - he recovers in a few days. The robber still gets several months to several years in prison.

When someone is murdered, he does not suffer for years in suicidal depression - the murderer still gets 14 years, or even death.

There are zillions of crimes listed in the IPC for which punishments are prescribed, and very few of them come close to the trauma caused to the victim that a heartbreak can result in. In addition, the victim becomes unproductive, screws up his career or studies, and becomes a pain to his near and dear ones because of this, extending the misery.

Well said Mr. Portuguese Man-Of-War, You have almost stolen my words. I would also like to add one more thing.

If any of your dearest dies you will feel depressed, that they left you, for some time knowing that some day somebody has to end like that.

But here in my case, its so irritating to me that this person is still living and leading a good life, while I am crestfallen.

As you have guessed I am in a state given in bold letters above. If she said to me anything, whether it's her fault or mine. I would have been the happiest person by now, instead she is making me think every day, have I done anything wrong. I am feeling guilty of myself.

[Sher]

She has no excuse wasting 2 years of your life fully knowing the outcome of how your engagement would end. If you ever get a chance to meet her, I recommend you give her a heartfelt sincere slap. Get it ALL out.

Yes, I am doing it for sure from the bottom of my heart.

Many will whine about "never hit a girl" philosophy but to tell the truth, if they want equality with men then they need to step up to the plate and stop whining about getting slapped for the sh1t they pull sometimes.

That was my attitude earlier "never hit a girl", and she knows it too. But using this to her advantage made me change my attitude. If I don't act accordingly she thinks its OK to dump somebody just like that without justification.

This is not right yo!!!...why would u hit her??? if u feel that she hurt ur soul ...then maybe u should juz try and forget coz there might be someone who would mend it right...What she did was prolly wrong...but she would've tried tellin this to u n failed and finally when it was a do or die situation she aleast gathered the courage to be truthful...reading all the convos it looks like ur ego has been hurt badly...but remember the last time u did something wrong...didnt u get forgiveness??? dont hate for that...thank her for helpin u realise that she was never meant to be urs or if it makes u feel any better, she wasnt worthy of u at all and no i can bet that this is not the new trend of our culture...hahaha

[Some of Me]

And imagine the kind of outcry and bashing that would have been there if a guy dumps a gilr like that? Why is the society so sympathetic towards women criminals - associate some kind of reasoning to excuse her behavior or just say that you are better off without her and all.



Bottom line is this is a fast becoming reality in our society where people play opportunists and play with hearts and emotions and get away with it. They are the worst criminals...

[vakibs]

I thought this thread is about the judge issuing arrest warrants for richard gere and shilpa shetty. Nobody on this forum is concerned about this !!



I mean, I want to say what the f!ck !!!!



I am seriously ashamed of the current state of affairs in India. What the hell is going on people. "Hurting Indian sensibilities" .. Bullshit.



Look at the walls of the temples when you go to pray next time. You will find every posture of sex in lurid detail - including exotic copulations between humans and horses.



We were the country that gave the first textbook of sex to the world. Now this becomes a taboo here !!



Gere is one of the good friends of India. He is a practicing Buddhist and he is very spiritual. These idiots who are protesting don't know the ABCDs of religion. He just gave a peck on the cheek of Shilpa Shetty, nothing overtly sexual. This deserves an arrest !!??



Shame on us, really !!