Mixed Religion Marriages

[Nessa]

hi

I need some positive advise...I am a hindu girl for south africa and in love with a muslim guy. we have been together for the past 7 years. Our wedding date has been set for this October...but had to be put on hold due to his family



whilst we were together, we have decided to keep our respective religions, but please the family by having a small hindu and muslim wedding. my family knew all bout this... but his didnt have any idea. then all the questions from his family started...they wanted to know when i was going to convert...it was his plan to stay quite about the whole thing... i was against it and wanted them to no.



his mum was always sweet with me and always asked in a nice way and i always evaded from it. my bfriend always told me not to worry and that his mum will be fine with everything. his mum seems to be the quite 1 but its his brothers, they are always questioning him.



recently he went to his brothers place for a wedding and that is when all hell broke lose...they told him that it is a sin for us to be together and that he must chose between me and them(Family)...



his brothers wife called me to say that if i didnt convert, there is no way we can get married, and if he did marry me he is not be a muslim, he would also not beable to touch his mothers body when she dies... what i dont understand is that he is not leaving his religion so how can he not be a muslim....is this true...they have twister his mind so much. my entire life is put on hold because he has to make a decision.

i do realise that which ever 1 he chooses... he will still lose 1.

the problem has been happening for the past week... but the bond between us is so strong and he does not want to let just as much as me.



is anybody out there that can help...are some of the things his familys saying is true?

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

I do not know about Islam specifics, but I would not think it would advise anyone (your BF) to hurt someone else for life (you) so as to be able to follow some religious tenets. I think religious principles were made to protect people from potentially harmful acts of others, not subject them to them. So perhaps these are things that family is making up since they want you to convert.



He seems to be a fair guy. Let's hope things shape up well .

[Nessa]

Thank you for your advise....i was thinking the same thing...his family is making up a few things! cause when i spoke to muslim friends of mines... they all say that it is not true! i really do hope that things would work out!

[Niveditha S]

Seven years is a long time to keep family in the dark. Anyways, better late than never. there is always a struggle before settling down. 1. Bonding is good in its place. It has to be a unit decision. One does not lose family. When asked to chose between two eyes no human being can. We are praying for you. Himmat karo. Be brave and walk ahead. It is important that you walk together and everything will fall in place. I am not saying leave your families, but be firm on what you feel is good and believe in it. Believe in love. Love is god. All the best.

[Nessa]

Thank you for those kind words! you have just made my day! We have just decided to turn to God and pray that his family would except us or should i say me for who i am...I find the thought of converting so difficult... i dont know how some people do it... but i guess its a choice! thanks again

[Whatever]

Let Me Ask You One Thing



Do You Want To Convert? From your heart? Not just becuase you want to marry that guy?



If you Keep yor religion what upbringing would you give to your childrens?



or you want to give them a choice?



Your future Inlaws biggest concern is their Next generation! what they are thinking is..if you stay Hindu or whatever your religion is, You might raise your kids following that religion. becuase doesn't matter what father's religion is.. but mother's are the one who teach their child what direction to go to!!



If thats what they are worried about..its up to you how you would explain them about this situation. if its still doesn't work out.. i say don't waste your time after someone who is not worth trusting! if you don't want to convert your religion.



I think you two should talk to each other first about this and let the famly Involve.



I Hope i make sense what i am trying to say...

[Nessa]

thank you for that... between the boyfriend and myself we have decided that the first child will be brought up the muslim way and if we are blessed with a second then that child will go my way... but the kids will be exposed to both religions... and if one day they choose to go in a different way the we, the parents will have to accept this! I do realise that this is a hard road but hey we have come a long way... and i guess everything happens for a reason!

[Whatever]

You Sure will confuse your kids there Lady



Look Like you well prepared for everything. why worry about his parents? just go head and tie the knot! Rest will come along once you are married. Good luck with your Marriage!!

[Nessa]

thank you for that

[rf]

Daily before go to sleep, pray to God with all sincerity to show u the right path. U will surely be shown the right path. Then take the decision.

[Nessa]

thank you... I do that every night and even during the day! I guess that is the reason for our relationship still going strong! I think god is already showing me the correct way!

[Bimbette]

This is a difficult situation.



I have a very close friend whose dad's a christian and mother's a hindu. Though the boy's parents were keen on converting my friend's mom to Christianity the fact remains that it left a bitter taste in her mouth and she brought up her children as Hindus.



If your guy can't stand up for you and say "let the religion issue be left by the wayside" (to his family) then you are getting ready for a bumpy ride ahead. What is important is that both of you decide:

1) Each continues to follow his/her own religion after marriage.

2) One converts to the other's out of love not out of force.



If your parents are progressive enough and are not forcing him to convert to Hinduism why should his parents/brothers force you?



I know this is a delicate situation and needs careful handling. 7 years is a long time. I think you need to rationalise your thoughts and convey them to him first. He should be able to see your point of view and convince his family.



Converting to another religion is not like having a meal and getting done with it! To be able to have that faith in another religion (after having grown up with certain other religious beliefs) will require an effort and genuine devotion.



Bringing up one kid as a hindu and another as a muslim is shutting your eyes to reality.



Sorry if facts have been presented to you in a harsh manner. I hope things work out for you and for your bf. And yes please keep praying too.

[Nessa]

hi! thank you for your advice! I know that i have a long and bumpy road ahead...I have put all my trust and faith in god and know that god will help us make the right decisions. Just recently I thought that our relationship has come to a dead-end... Cause his family was making him to make a choice between them and me... as much as everybody was telling him to make a choice... it was a difficult choice to make!!! anyways... I think that god has helped us thru this cause we are still together and are planning our wedding reception... I think that if god didnt want us together we would have been history! I guess when children are involved... we will turn to god again!



thank you!

[Niveditha]

hi Nessa

how are things going? Is situation any better? Your guy has to be strong to take this forward. Standing by each other is really important



Love of a womans heart

will have the whole and not a part

it is to her in natures plan

more than ambition is to man

her life, her love her very breath

with no alternative but death



If wedding and reception dates are fixed...let us know.

Also - Do you know shah rukh khan and gauri -bollywood couple who have their children follow both faiths and are happy

take care

[Nessa]

thank you for those beautiful words and for being so encouraging!

Our problems are almost sorted out and we have decided to get married as planned! We want to get registered and have a reception afterwards. you know I always beileved in one thing... no matter what you do, everything happens for a reason... so i guess that I am meant for this guy and he is meant for me!

GOD put us together!!!



thank you again!!!

[Niveditha]

Congratulations. Glad to hear. Still praying you will have a happy life..both of you.

[Bimbette]

Hey Nessa, its heartening to hear that. Good Luck and God Bless!

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

Congrats!

[Nessa]

thank you all for being so happy for me

[swamy]

islam never accepts the marriage with hindus

hi
I need some positive advise...I am a hindu girl for south africa and in love with a muslim guy. we have been together for the past 7 years. Our wedding date has been set for this October...but had to be put on hold due to his family

whilst we were together, we have decided to keep our respective religions, but please the family by having a small hindu and muslim wedding. my family knew all bout this... but his didnt have any idea. then all the questions from his family started...they wanted to know when i was going to convert...it was his plan to stay quite about the whole thing... i was against it and wanted them to no.

his mum was always sweet with me and always asked in a nice way and i always evaded from it. my bfriend always told me not to worry and that his mum will be fine with everything. his mum seems to be the quite 1 but its his brothers, they are always questioning him.

recently he went to his brothers place for a wedding and that is when all hell broke lose...they told him that it is a sin for us to be together and that he must chose between me and them(Family)...

his brothers wife called me to say that if i didnt convert, there is no way we can get married, and if he did marry me he is not be a muslim, he would also not beable to touch his mothers body when she dies... what i dont understand is that he is not leaving his religion so how can he not be a muslim....is this true...they have twister his mind so much. my entire life is put on hold because he has to make a decision.
i do realise that which ever 1 he chooses... he will still lose 1.
the problem has been happening for the past week... but the bond between us is so strong and he does not want to let just as much as me.

is anybody out there that can help...are some of the things his familys saying is true?

[Nessa]

well maybe for some muslim it wont be but my Fiancé has accepted it and to us, that is all that matters! I have some muslim friends who are extremely supportive to us and they understand our situation! by the way are you muslim?

[Crazy_Gunner]

@swamy



its nt abt Islam accepting a Hindu, its abt a person accepting another person. n i dont understand hw irrational ppl can when i read wat his bros n sis in laws

have to say abt ur marriage

[rama krishna]

in india they are common. Ours is multi relligious, soverign secular democratic republic country. We must encourage that type of marriages