Hyderabadi jokes!

[berkut]

Katmals? They are spread all over the city. Unlike usual Katmals( bed bugs) which suck our blood at night, Hyderabadi Katmals are a breed apart who does similar work during day time. Mind you their sting might cost you anywhere between Rs 50 to Rs 500/-. Well those not familiar to Hyderabad might wonder who Katmals are and what the word symbolizes? It is nothing but a friendly pseudonym for Hyderabadi Traffic Policemen.
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<br>They are most active in doing or rather undoing their job. One just cannot help seeing them at every other junction of the city, especially at the end of the month. The following is a typical conversation when they end up catching a scapegoat (Bakhra!!)
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<br>Katmal:Licence nikalo..
<br>Bakhra:yelo saabb(with a triumphant look)
<br>Katmal: (albeit disappointed)teek hain.Insurance Kaha hai?
<br>Bakhra:yelloo Saab(with a secret smile)
<br>Katmal:Pollution Check kidar hai???
<br>Bakhra:Nahi hai saab (with a sheepish look)
<br>Katmal:Chalo Inspector ke paas
<br>Bakhra:Suno saab,apan apan settle karinge
<br>Katmal:teek hai 300 rupya nikalo
<br>Bhakra:Utna nahi hai saab
<br>Katmal:Teek hai 200 nikalo
<br>Bhakra:Saab bilkul nahi hai
<br>katmal:Aabe chal inspector ke paas
<br>Bhakra:Saab toda adjust karlona
<br>Katmal:Teek hai 100 rupya nikal
<br>Bhakra:Saab mere pareeshani samjo
<br>Katmal:Aare bahut ho gaya.Chal abe challan likata hu..
<br>Bhakra:teek hai saab raklo 50 rupya
<br>Katmal:Finally he pockets it saying Kya Zamana aagaya.. Chal put yaha se
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[berkut]

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is pappu. His father is ambitious to educate pappu. Pappu goes to school located in Tappachaputra. Its principal is educated in Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class! There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows:
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<br>Teacher: Kal inispector ayenga. Kochanna (questions) puchenga.
<br>Sab acha padkar ana.
<br>pappu: Iski maaki. Kyon to bhi ara inispector? Kya kochana puchta?
<br>Teacher: Abey tou kal school ana hi nai. Tu tera moo khola tou gaalian ati.
<br>Teroku main absent nahin daalata.
<br>So our pappu is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.
<br>Father: Yeah kya ischool hai, yaa paan dibba? Gaand pe laath maartoon sale.
<br>agar tou ischool nahin gaya tou.
<br>pappu: Baba, meri teacher ne bola nakko aou bolke.
<br>Father: Usku akahal nayye. Begum suno. pappu ischool nahin jayenga kate kal. Agar ino ischool nahin gaya tou kaisa padenga? Isko tou ischool janahin hain. pappu, agar tu kal ischool nahin
<br>gayana, teri haatha pairaan thod deta hoon.
<br>So pappu cries and finally agrees to go to school.
<br>Next day in school:
<br>Teacher: Arey teri maaki. Nakko aou bolen tou kyoon aya?
<br>pappu: Meri baba gaand phoodtu bolen ischool nahin aya tou.
<br>Teacher: Uffo? Teri baba boolein? Teek hain. Last bench pe baitna our
<br>inispector aya to jarra chup jaana. Dikhna nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karengana to meri noukri jayengi.
<br>So pappu goes to sit in the last bench and hiding behind a tall guy.
<br>Inspector comes for the visit.
<br>Inspector: Addab.
<br>Teacher: Addab saab. Bachen acha padreen saab. Kochana pucha answeraan yuun bolte.
<br>Inspector: Bachoon batou. Hamari body mein sabse najook cheez kya hain?
<br>Teacher: Arey imtiyaz tu bata.
<br>Imtiyaz: Saab, Khaleja saab.
<br>Inspector: Woh kyun?
<br>Imtiyaz: Saab, khaleja hota tou sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya na, kuch bhi nahin hota saab.
<br>Inspector: Bahut acha. Our koyi?
<br>Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata.
<br>Akram: Saab brain saab. Brain ko khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rahata saab.
<br>In the meantime pappu is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him.
<br>He thinks pappu is hiding because he does not know the answer.
<br>Inspector: Woh laast bench pein jhuk ke baitaan na usaka naam kya hain?
<br>Teacher: paa paa ppu.
<br>Inspector: pappu betein tu bata answer kyan hain?
<br>pappu: Saab main bola tou teacher marengi saab.
<br>Teacher: Aisa kuch nahin saab. Abey pappu maloom hain tou bolna.
<br>pappu: Saab answer Gaand hain saab.
<br>Inspector/Teacher: Abey kyaan to bhi bolra?
<br>pappu: How saab. Waahan pe delhi mein baamb phat thi. Yeahan Hydrabad mein apna gaand phat thi. Wahaan new city mein gadbadaan shuru hotein.Yahaan old city mein bhi apna gaand phat thi,gadbada yehaan phailta bolkein. Uttaa kyoon saab, mein yeah answer bolra na, meri
<br>teacher ki aur meri phatri!
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[berkut]

<br>facets of hyderabadis
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<br>Hyderabad : The word \"Bindaas\"in Hyderabad lingo conveys \'hajjar\' meanings, it may mean: take it easy,cool,breaking the conventional, and above all it reflects the Hyderabadi attitude. This attitude manifests itself in every day life of the Hyderabadi. Well to trace it back one has to go down memory lane to the Nawabs who ruled Hyderabad .The Nizam of Hyderabad was once considered to be one of the richest man in the world and has set standards for a care free & laid back life and this legacy has been passed on quite effortlessly to the present generation of Hyderabadis who indeed take quite a lot of pride in exhibiting their bindaas culture. In no other city of India will one see the kind of leisure time that\'s available over here. People in the metros of India are on a running spree all the time while in Hyderabad everything seems to at a \'bindaas\' pace. At weekends all the people gather, justifying that they need to take a break from their \'bindaas life\'(\'boy o boy\') and the outcome is that all the restaurents,theatres,parks and every other amusement centers of the city are occupied. Even the Tank Bund road is closed for traffic to accommodate the crowd. Any exhibition that is organized in the city is assured of a house full crowd. You wont believe it, the other day when there was a flower show organized at the Public garden, there was a one kilometer queue and people stood for hours to have a \"dhekko\" at the flowers.
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<br>Here\'s a glimpse into the various facets of the bindaas Hyderabadi
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<br>A Hyderabadi on the road
<br>It some time looks stranger than fiction when a Hyderabadi while driving on the road feels that he is the \'king of the road\' and the traffic rules are meant (only )to be broken, so don\'t ever cross the path of a Hyderabadi when he is on the move. In case if you cross his path, he invariably tries to get into an argument as if \'raking up a fight is in the blood\' of Hyderabadi.Even if he is wrong, as the proverb goes \"barking dogs seldom bites\", he tries to get you by neck but the crowd around him stops him by holding his hands while he vainly tries to get his hand over you (a Hyderabadi seldom gets into fitscuffs )so don\'t worry you won\'t be beaten but you have to bear the choicest abuses in the
<br>Hyderabadi slang.
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<br>The Potti Patana Hyderabadi
<br>So far so good, the other aspect of a hyderabadi life style or rather estyle is \"potti patana\". It is the favorite pastime for some while for others it is a fulltime job. A Hyderabadi would try all the tricks in the book and outside the book to get hold of the woman of his dreams. With the girls of the generation next it is \"potta patana hai\". If people in rest of India were carried over by the movie \"Hyderabad Blues\" that it is taboo for guys and girls to be seen in public together,then they are going to have a culture shock if they come to Hyderabad.So don\'t believe those confused desh returned non-real Indian (NRIs).If you don\'t believe me have a dhekko on the Necklace Road -the scene would put to shame even the overly romantic French.
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<br>Bindaas Batein
<br>The bindaas attitude of Hyderabadis is personified in the numerous cafes of the city where in you get to see a whole lot of bindaas Hyderabadis sipping tea for hours together. One might wonder as to how these people have all the time in the world to indulge in such long sessions. There is so much of time available with folks over here that at times you have to literally ask them to go for want of peace.
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<br>The filmi Hyderabadi
<br>Hyderabad has got the maximum number of theatres in India thanks to this vast bindaas population of the city. Can you believe that a small cross road over here boasts of almost one dozen theatres which are just a stone throw away from each other. Mind you, you will still have to buy the tickets in black over here. Most pictures run for over 100 days and people take hell a lot of pride in talking about the movies. \"Kya picture hai baap\". \"Picture tho mast hai\". The advance booking is over even before it actually begins.
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<br>Hyderabadi Baitak
<br>Leave alone weekends, the \"baitaks\" over here are the order of even the weekdays. whenever a group of men meet together then its three cheers to their friendship and the corks are in the air. If pubs were given permission over here, then Hyderabad for sure would have one in every other lane. The best part is any good or bad, wonder or catastrophe, in this world is appended with a four letter slang word at the starting. The more you write the lesser it will be about the Hyderabadi baitaks.
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<br>The height of Hyderabadis
<br>The bindaas attitude of Hyderabadis can very easily be tested by asking them just two questions. All that one has to do is just get on to a bus stand on the road and just pick up a friendly conversation with a typical Hyderabadi and ask him as to when the next bus would come. The instant reply you would get is \"Abhi ata\" (it will come just now). You wait and wait and the bus never comes and you ask him when it would come and he will say again the same thing. Meanwhile you would have wasted an hour or so waiting for the bus to come. Actually when an Hyderabadi says \"Abhi ata\", do take it for granted that it would come an hour or two later. On the other hand if you ask him as to when the last bus passed by ,he would say \"Abhi gaya\"(it just went), while in reality it would have left hours back.
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[arch]

L..O.....L............................. that was so very nostaligic berkut !! yes, it is typical of our khatmals and our bakraas !

[raj]

[raj]