To Drink/Smoke or Not?

[VJ]

Right from my childhood I was a very simple and honest person grown up by watching all the terrible incidents in my life. I had to be in my limits all the time. And sometimes I liked that. It gives a measure of oneself.



I'm too depressed that I couldn't make many good friends just because I always had to stay in my limits and couldn't cultivate any habits such as drinking alcohol, smoking, etc. There were times when people neglected me just bcos I don't drink and smoke. It was very hard on my part to digest those incidents.



From then on I always kept asking myself "Kya insaan cigarette ya Daroo peene se bura ban jatha hai // Does drinking alcohol or cigarette makes a person bad" or "Kya insaan cigarette ya Daroo Nahin peene se Acha Nahin ban saktha hai // If a person doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't it make him good". Those were the sort of questions troubling my mind for many years.



Believe it or not! Incidentally I started to smoke and drink due to some of my depressed and personal reasons. On a few occasions I felt Iam ok with everyone. But still, some questions pop up "Y am I doing it", its giving me a negative impact on my image and also on my health. By the time Iam habituated I lost everyone due to some unwanted quarrels between us. Now I drink and and smoke sitting alone. Hah this is worst life.



I sit for long and long thinking about the life I'm living. It sucks. Its very boring. And sometimes when I drink and smoke I feel its suicidal. I quit everything(Smoke/drink) for a few weeks. Iam feeling better again. But again, I feel I might miss the social life with my friends or the parties with my loved ones. What do I do? How do you guys manage such a situation?



@VJ

[Akshay]

(not) smoking/drinking makes you neither "bad" nor "good". The only thing they make you is unhealthy.



You got to remember one thing first: no one cares if you do or do not drink/smoke. If you feel part of the crowd only by drinking/smoking then do it in social settings. Stop doing it when you are alone. One way to stop smoking/drinking when alone is to not purchase them and hence never have access to them outside the social setting. If you seriously crave for a smoke/drink when alone then buy a pack/bottle have a fag/sip and throw that stuff away. It sounds silly but it works. Very soon lonely smoking/drinking becomes financially inviable.



This is the only one life you are ever ever ever going to live. You have two choices: 1) wallow in self pity and wait for someone else to uplift your mood. 2) occupy your mind and body with something other than yourself and enjoy the small things in life. Do justice to yourself by picking (2).



Life sucks only if you keep it empty. Go smell a flower, see the stars in the night, wakeup for sunrise, go to a friend's place, go for a movie, read a book, watch/play a sport, work on your bike/car, prepare for a competitive exam, take up someone under your guidance...there are way too many things available to do other than sulking.

[Bimbette]

Akshay's right. There's so much to do in life instead of sulking.



I'll give you a personal example. Every once in a while, I hang out with a few friends who drink. I don't. If I do go with them to a pub or a lounge, I order for a fruit punch/mocktail. My friends respect my decision and I've never thought of 'fitting in'. Maybe it will take you time but you too should stick to your guns of not drinking, smoking, if you don't feel like it.



It seems that you've got stuck with the wrong circle of friends. Sorry if this sounds judgemental, but if your so called friends want you to drink and smoke so that you can be part of their group then you are better off without such 'friends'.



If there's a park near your house, go for a walk. So what, if you are doing it alone. Try reading a simplified version of the Bhagvad Gita (if you are a hindu). I've just begun reading one by Swami Chinmayananda. If you can start doing yoga, that will be great.



The next time you are at a traffic signal or on the road, take a look at the beggar children who run up to your bike/car or the handicapped destitutes who are on the footpath. We are so much better off and we need to be grateful for so much.



Do a good deed VJ (like taking an old set of clothes and giving it to a poor man), it will make you feel good.

[VJ]

Bimbette Wrote " if your so called friends want you to drink and smoke so that you can be part of their group then you are better off without such 'friends'. "

Yeah may be u r right. The true friends are those who can admire the likes and dislikes of other people.



I somehow tried to control myself to drink, made it occasional though. When it comes to smoke, when I go out to drink some tea and when I see a Pan shop my mind tends to force me to buy one or I get a feeling as if the cigarette is calling me to smoke. Sounds funny, isn't it. But this is how its going with me. Then I tried to buy something else other than cigarette like meetha pan, cool drink etc. It was only for a few days. I started to smoke again after a few days, but not as many as I used to before.



@VJ

[Cragg]

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing , I have done that a lot of times.

[VJ]

Damn! Iam finding it difficult for myself to stop drinking and smoking. I was overloaded on a couple of occasions and started shouting in the mid nights. My owner of the house reminds me of that next morning. Thank god he didn't ask me to vacate.



These stuff sucks. How do I control myself ???????????????????Any medicines to control HANGOVER......



@VJ

[mango]

chug chug chug!



its all about personal preference and responsibility. i think everyone should be allowed a vice or two, but the person must be responsible so that it doesnt adversely affect others - in my case, i choose not to smoke.

[Bimbette]

Damn! Iam finding it difficult for myself to stop drinking and smoking. I was overloaded on a couple of occasions and started shouting in the mid nights. My owner of the house reminds me of that next morning. Thank god he didn't ask me to vacate.

These stuff sucks. How do I control myself ???????????????????Any medicines to control HANGOVER......

@VJ

Extreme as it may sound, why don't you find out more about Vipassana. I know this french lady (a chain smoker) who, when in Hyderabad, signs up for this course every year.



If you really want to shake off the habit, you'll do it.

[man4u]

VJ , You dont seem to be that bad. Drinking and smoking isnt bad. But having people saying "to be one among us you have got to drink" around you is bad. I think you need to take a call there.



Personally I do drink and smoke but drink once in year ha ha ha , and smoke everyday. I would say that its nothing more than self control and a CHOICE.

[VJ]

Yeah! U r right. Its all about self control. But its tough, mind u .



@VJ

[Cragg]

Yeah! U r right. Its all about self control. But its tough, mind u .

@VJ

forget self control for 5 mins , have one cigarette In btwn.

[man4u]

In btwn ....? did you mean?

[CRagg]

In btwn ....? did you mean?

Get ur dirty mind out of the gutter I meant in btwn_________

[VJ]

Sorry! Started to smoke again. Kuch yaadein aise satare mujhe ki main control nahin kar pa rahan hu. Kya karoo kambakt ye dil hi aisa hai. Jo hoga dekha jayega.



@VJ

[Brigitta]

Real friends care about you and if they see you are doing something (smoking or drinking too much for example) that is bad for you then if they care about you they won't encourage you to harm yourself.



Maybe these people would feel isolated if they were the only smoker/drinker so rather than take a long hard look at their own willpower and behaviour they take the path of least resistance and make you feel isolated instead so they don't feel so bad about themselves.



You can't change other people but you CAN change how you react to them and how you let them make you feel. When they encourage you to smoke it isn't THEM that increase their lung-cancer risk.



It's selfish and irresponsible to encourage other people to take up bad habits, if you end up with lung cancer from it it's not THEM that suffer, it's you.



At the end of the day we can only be responsible for our own actions, others will make their own decisions and you have to think about what's best for you.



I used to drink and smoke heavily, I quit when I was pregnant but it isn't fair to force our own bad habits on others

[VJ]

Brigitta Wrote

It's selfish and irresponsible to encourage other people to take up bad habits

At times its not necessary to encourage others to take up bad habits. When living with people who already have such habits one tends to get the taste of it and gets started automatically. It's bad in such case. And in a depressed mood like I'm in, its obvious about one getting addicted to such stuff. In either case the latter one is the unfortunate.



@VJ

[Cragg]

The first cigarette

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after a few years

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A weeks butt collection

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The habit

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The possible side effects

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The desperation

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The extreme cases: 1

[Cragg]

Case

[Cragg]

another possibility