Who is confused?

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Here I am, starting a thread in the NRI forum on public demand. I couldn't think of a topic, so reproducing an article here...which I feel belongs here.I was first introduced to the term ABCD when I moved to Chicago. “American Born Confused Desi” – how appropriate, I thought. For those of you who're not familiar with the term, it is used across the US to describe Indian Americans – kids born and brought up in the US. First, of course, I thought the term was unique to our college campus, but as I chatted with numerous strangers across the country over IRC (this was the early '90s you know!), I realized, everyone knew ABCD.

The British equivalent of the term, I'm told is “coconut” – brown on the outside, white on the inside. Obviously, there is a negative connotation associated with these terms…and so I knew better than to use the word coconut in front of Ameesh -- my cousin, who was born and brought up in England. But I didn't even realize when the term ABCD slipped out during a discussion a bunch of us were having, and Ameesh, who was not familiar with the acronym, asked me what it meant.



“So what would I be? EBCD?” he asked.



“Well…or BBCD, if you prefer British instead of English…” I thought I was joking and he'd be able to take it lightly too.



But when one feels that the essence of who they are is being attacked – their upbringing, values, orientation, schooling system…there are very few in the world that can take it lightly right away. I'm sure he was a little offended, but in a more analytical tone, he asked me, “Why confused? Why does the C stand for Confused?”



The rest of us, who were mostly FoBs (Fresh off the Boat – term used for new immigrants, also derogatory in nature) tried to come up with an explanation for why we thought ABCDs were confused.



What is it? What defines a true Indian? It is not language, because a number of ABCDs speak their mother tongues just as well as English. It is not religion either – they've been going to temples with their parents every week, more regularly than I've ever been. Cricket? That seemed to be one of the factors. ABCDs generally didn't know the game or the names of Indian players. But that can hardly be the definition of being a true Indian.



I didn't know exactly what it was, but I came up with a litmus test. If you didn't know what “Mandir and Mandal” meant, you weren't a real desi. Like I said, this was the early '90s, and the Ayodhya Ram Mandir movement and Mandal Commission – and the student movement against it – had dominated the political news in India for the last few years. Anyone who didn't know about these matters would've been unable to participate in a discussion with a bunch of Indians.



So, that's it. Current Affairs. That's what makes an Indian, Indian? If you read the newspaper, you're truly an Indian. That can't be right either.



As I continued to think about this, I came up with a few more things. Let us take the example of divali – arguably the largest festival in India. My memories of divali are all about candles, tons of sweets, rangolis, strong stench of sulfur fumes from the fireworks in the air and a continuous rumble of firecrackers that went on till late at night. Most of my ABCD friends talked only about the cultural show put on by Indian Association of Northern Illinois and Network of Indian Physicians in Chicago and so on. Their concept of divali celebration was nothing more than a bunch of dances performed in an auditorium by some kids, with the latest Hindi movie songs playing in the background. Most of them had Christmas trees at home during Christmas, but had never put up lights for divali. They celebrated Christmas more 'properly' than they ever celebrated any Indian festival. These guys are totally confused, I thought, they don't even know what a real divali is.



It has been a number of years since. I now have a 4-year-old nephew in Delhi, who has been going to a pre-nursery playschool called `Play Station' down the road for about a year. First, the name Play Station made me chuckle every time I heard it. But gradually I got over it.



Kids start learning words – even saying them out just after they're a year old. Obviously, they learn words that are spoken around them first. So even before they get to a pre-nursery school, they're talking as fluently as you and me.



The tradition at our house has always been of speaking Hindi. So my nephew knew “laal” for red, “neela” for blue and “baingani” for purple. When he came back from Play Station, he said “sun” instead of “sooraj” and “yellow” instead of “peela”.



My father wasn't very pleased with this transformation. When he asked why Nachiketa was using English words all of a sudden, Nachiketa innocently told him that's what he was taught in school -- the sun is yellow. They did reach a compromise – when Nachiketa was in school, he could say yellow, but at home, he should continue to say “peela”.



Nachiketa was sitting on my bed, playing with his toys, and he decided to count how many little cars he had. “One, two, three, four and five!” He was so proud! And I said, that's right – you've got five cars…only I said it in Hindi, and used “paanch” instead of five. He looked at me with a confused look on his face, and said, “No, five!”



All of a sudden, I thought: Oh my god! This kid will grow up in this house where everyone insists on speaking Hindi, but he will also grow up in this society that will expect him to learn English. Will he even be able to keep the words separate? Will he know that five and paanch are the same thing? Will he be able to learn any Indian language properly at all? Are we confusing him by teaching him one thing at home, while the “system” is teaching him something different in school?



I got back to Seattle in early November, and all around me, I could see preparations for the holidays had started. Jewelers were advertising once again and DVDs were being released before the shopping season really picked up. It didn't take too long for me to remember the dilemma I went through last year at this time -- should I put up Christmas lights and decorate my house or not?



All the neighbors will. But I don't celebrate Christmas. Why should I put up lights? Heck, I didn't decorate my house for divali – why should I decorate it for Christmas? Wouldn't it be wrong? But then, I don't want to be the only house in the neighborhood that's all dark. And as a Hindu, I believe there is only one god, so what's the harm in celebrating the birth of Jesus? That doesn't deny the significance of Krishna.



But it is not just divali and Christmas…what about August 15th? What did I do to celebrate India's Independence Day? I surely went and watched the fireworks on July 4th. Is that unpatriotic? Or, is it OK to celebrate the American Independence Day because, after all, they kicked out the English too? I'm confused -- I didn't go vegetarian during navratri, should I eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day?



The biggest question that I seem unable to answer is who is confused? Are the ABCDs still the confused ones? After all, they know what they do for divali, and they know how they celebrate Christmas. They've probably never read any Indian literature, but they speak Gujarati with their parents and English everywhere else.



On the other hand, isn't the entire Indian urban society confused about who they are and what they want to do with their culture and heritage? The tremendous pressure of westernization is overwhelming a 5000-year-old civilization. People from Hawaii proudly say, “Aloha is both hello and good bye!” So is namaste. But why do we invent words like “su-prabhatt” and “shubh-raatri”? There are no English words for shikanjvi and jal-jeera. Must we create an Indian equivalent for everything western? Our kids learn how to say “Good Morning” at Play Station before we teach them to say “jai ram ji ki…” and who names a school after a video game system, anyway?



Or is it a whole generation of Indians (including me) who've been in the US for so long now that, instead of the benefit of “best of both worlds,” we are beginning to forget where we come from? Aren't these the people who are really confused? We want to hang on to what makes us Indian, but we must adapt to our new lives and societies that we live in. We get irritated when our mothers want to put up a matrimonial ad in the newspaper for us, but we can't get ourselves to ask a pretty girl out on a date. We make fun of our traditions and rituals, but the first place we go with our BMWs is the temple to get a pooja done.



In addition to ABCD and FoB, I was introduced to yet another term when I first came to Chicago. DCBA - Desi chalaa banane Amareekee (Desi trying to become American). Soon after, I heard a different interpretation of that acronym, one that I am personally becoming more and more acquainted with every day – Desi Confused by America. I'm finding out that even those of us who are conscious about our changed circumstances can't help but get caught in between the forces of east and west.



Being in two boats at the same time is a tricky situation. Both ABCDs and DCBAs have to deal with this dichotomy. One was born in the US, but her parents insist that she must learn Indian cultures and values, and the other left India to come to an alien world, where he finds himself uprooted and disoriented. Each tries to strike a balance between the two as well as he or she can.



What Nachiketa is going through is only slightly different from the 'displaced' ones. The educated, urban Indian society has chosen to put itself in the same dichotomy. We give so much emphasis to learning English and adopting western lifestyle and ideology that we're beginning to lose the knowledge we have possessed for millennia. By removing Sanskrit from our everyday lives, we have lost ayurveda. A number of modern Indian languages are now under threat as well, and with it their literature and philosophy. Kids know more about Shakespeare than they'll ever know about Kalidas. Some may know that Chaanakya wrote Artha Shastra, but how many really know how it is different from Adam Smith's economic theories?



No wonder I couldn't come up with a convincing list of items that makes a desi a true Indian. It seems to me that our society has decided to not maintain any qualities that differentiate it uniquely. We don't teach the truly Indian stuff to people who grow up in India – how can we expect anyone else to know what it means to be Indian?



How many people growing up in Delhi know about daal baati that is so popular in Rajasthan? How many people in Mumbai can even name a few districts in Chattisgarh? In a country of 16 (25?) languages and 3000 dialects, how many people know more than three languages? Have we Indians -- as a global society -- chosen not to learn about ourselves? Have we chosen to do just the same that everyone else does? Is there hardly anything that differentiates an urban citizen of India from an Indian born and brought up in Chicago? Then who is really confused?



By : Agastya Kohli



URL : http://www.sulekha.com/expressions/articledesc.asp?cid=307103

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Oops....so sorry for the mistake. The essay starts after the second sentence in my post. The first words in teh essay are....



I was first introduced to......

[SimarikSmokin]

Wow hp this was an intresting post i would have never written anything as intresting as you. You Rock!

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Wow hp this was an intresting post i would have never written anything as intresting as you. You Rock!

That wasn't me SS....It was someone else whom I don't even know.

[SimarikSmokin]

I know you told me, but still you know you always write something intresting. and plus you have a great Penmenship did i spell it right?

[rabbithole]

nice read HP...keep it up

and SS i think its penmanship...but is'nt that associated to handwriting..calligraphy? am not sure

[Alexis]

Rabbithole, youre right about what penmanship means.

[azazel]

interesting.. having never experienced the dichotomy mentioned here, i cannot really speculate on anything.. i think confusion only arises when u think there is a danger of losing ur identity.. u have to be comfortable with who you are not try to become someone you are not just because u have to fit in..

[malakpetmasala]

man, you yanks are cranks.

[azazel]

man, you yanks are cranks.

what??

[asli_badmash]

man, you yanks are cranks.

what??

Yanks = Yankees (people from Ny or US)

Cranks = Either looney or Stupid.



Use of crank is very subjective!



~badmash~

[azazel]

ty, i got tht dude..

wht i was abt is, why'd he post tht here?? i didnt read the whole thread again..

[OneMinuteCooler]

I know I'm a bit late at this, but that's a really interestng article!

[asli_badmash]

ty, i got tht dude..
wht i was abt is, why'd he post tht here?? i didnt read the whole thread again..

Ohhh... About the thread... I didnt go through the whole thread myself. I was like.. Scan first line.. 2nd line... Ahh screw it too much to read. I should go eat that pie in the fridge and maybe some cheesy poofs.



Do we have Attention Deficit Disorder(A.D.D) AZ?

[azazel]

Do we have Attention Deficit Disorder(A.D.D) AZ?

naah, just a short attn span..

btw, hand me some of 'em cheesy poofs..wilya??

[IgiveAdamn]

Calling Indian kids that are born and brought up in USA ABCDs is completely justified. They certainly are confused. Besides it's much better than them calling Indian students PIGS ( Poor Indian Graduate Students). Yeah that's what they call us.

[SimarikSmokin]

ok my sisters call me abcd sometimes

[Alexis]

Calling Indian kids that are born and brought up in USA ABCDs is completely justified. They certainly are confused. Besides it's much better than them calling Indian students PIGS ( Poor Indian Graduate Students). Yeah that's what they call us.

Wrong place to mention this, but IGAD, I just happened to read your signature. My reaction?

First this:



Then:

[Igiveadamn]

Calling Indian kids that are born and brought up in USA ABCDs is completely justified. They certainly are confused. Besides it's much better than them calling Indian students PIGS ( Poor Indian Graduate Students). Yeah that's what they call us.

Wrong place to mention this, but IGAD, I just happened to read your signature. My reaction?
First this:

Then:

Yeah, wrong place like you said. But it's ok with me as long as I am receiving some appreciation!!:)

[SimarikSmokin]

i don't get it

[malakpetmasala]

i don't get it

some things are better not understood! or u ll have to think too much which might as well get u back to ur sick bed.

I dont think u ll want that right now. Do u?

[Alexis]

i don't get it

some things are better not understood! or u ll have to think too much which might as well get u back to ur sick bed.
I dont think u ll want that right now. Do u?

Yeah SS, in this case, ignorance would be bliss.

[CtrlAltDel]

i don't get it

some things are better not understood! or u ll have to think too much which might as well get u back to ur sick bed.
I dont think u ll want that right now. Do u?

Yeah SS, in this case, ignorance would be bliss.

too much ignorance is not bliss....

SS...if u want i can PM u the explanation.........what say Lexi? she's ready for it?

[Alexis]

i don't get it

some things are better not understood! or u ll have to think too much which might as well get u back to ur sick bed.
I dont think u ll want that right now. Do u?

Yeah SS, in this case, ignorance would be bliss.

too much ignorance is not bliss....
SS...if u want i can PM u the explanation.........what say Lexi? she's ready for it?

She'll gross out! So dont, Andy!

[CtrlAltDel]

She'll gross out! So dont, Andy!

OK! let her learn things at her own pace...