Poor Husband suffering from in-laws behaviour

[Poor Husband]

maybe she is fed up of yr submissive and silent behaviour....change yrself and be more assertive (not aggressive or violent).

Yes u r right, but i can't do anything except keep quite.



Do you want me to say sorry and apologize again..



If I do the same thing , she will never mend herself and will try to take silent revenge on me again and again.

[CtrlAltDel]

maybe she is fed up of yr submissive and silent behaviour....change yrself and be more assertive (not aggressive or violent).

Yes u r right, but i can't do anything except keep quite.

Do you want me to say sorry and apologize again..

If I do the same thing , she will never mend herself and will try to take silent revenge on me again and again.

:roll: i said "assertive", "firm" and "decisive"....what do u need to apologize for...?

[Poor Husband]

Hi ,



Am I doing something wrong ?

[CtrlAltDel]

for starters stop calling yrself "poor husband"...



self pity wont get u anywhere....u only become a laffing stock in front of all.



take firm and assertive decisions while speaking to yr wife and give her an ultimatum. yr softness and SRKness wont make her respect u as a husband.

[Poor Husband]

Hi All,



Today I am feeling happy, you all have supported me and browsed the topic everyday.And all of you analysed my situation and gave very heartly suggestion also. I Thanks You All of you.



I have learnt to accept myself. I accept myself for what I am. Now I started to love myself. As I knew my world is within me only. And I knew nobody knows me better than me. I should keep myself happy without taking other's love and affection. If i'll not take care of myself in this sistuation than who will ?



I found the strength in me, the energy reservour is inside me only.

Now I accept the pain, I accept the loneliness and I accept everything that follows me. But I will love myself .



I love my wife but I should not accept my wife's conditional love. As I don't want that love , if I accept her love my life will be full of pain.



I am a very lovable person, everybody likes me , everybody likes my simplycity my truthfullness. Everybody knows my softness.



I found my real personality when I analysed myself yesterday night.

I saw what my future will be after few years. And I found everything is fine.



The best thing I found is I have sterted to love myself and I started to accept myself . Now I must do something to my newly found love.



Thanks to you again.

Sekhar

[CtrlAltDel]

i am sorry to pour cold water and say that u sound like a defeatist loser.

Now I accept the pain, I accept the loneliness and I accept everything that follows me.

turned a masochist, have u? how is this helping u?

...if I accept her love my life will be full of pain.

so u have given up on her? u have only 1 option now if u want mental peace: divorce. either that, or show some spine for god's sake.

I am a very lovable person, everybody likes me , everybody likes my simplycity my truthfullness. Everybody knows my softness.

u r living an illusion. people tolerate you coz they can take advantage of your "softness" or rather "meekness". they know that they can s c r e w you whenevr they want and u wud accept it smilingly or just sulk in a corner.

having that thing hanging between your legs doesnt make u a man...its your attitude and how u take on life that wud make u one. did u ever wonder why u dont get respect frm yr wife?

the suffix "poor" is going to remain attached to you: Poor Husband, Poor Man, Poor Employee, Poor Whateva... u can as well change yr initial to 'P'.

The best thing I found is I have sterted to love myself and I started to accept myself . Now I must do something to my newly found love.

only thing u can do now is to date your right hand when ever u feel lonely

[Betty]

CAD, you are really p-i-s-s-e-d off with the guy!!!



PH, I don't understand what's wrong with you. You first came to this board asking for advice on how to continue living peacefully with your wife and daughter without interference from your in-laws , if I understood correctly. Now, when your wife wants to come back to you, you are saying weird things like

I love my wife but I should not accept my wife's conditional love. As I don't want that love , if I accept her love my life will be full of pain.

In fact, I didn't even understand what you are trying to say.



What CAD said abt women and wimps are true to a large extent. To add to it, I'd say - in rare cases a woman might choose to marry a wimp because their motherly instincts are aroused and they thing: first, they can mould him and second, they might be able to make a big difference in his life and make his life better and make him happy etc. etc.

However, once married, if the woman finds the wimp still a wimp, she starts getting fed up. She might even ask other people, i.e. her parents to interfere because she thinks that the husband is, to put it mildly, practically a good-for-nothing.

Loving yourself is a good thing, everyone should do so, but drawing weird conclusions are silly and ridiculous.



I have started feeling that maybe we should do as Luci said, and kill the thread...

[CtrlAltDel]

CAD, you are really p-i-s-s-e-d off with the guy!!!

"pissed" is an understmt he is beginning to irritate me. i have a low tolerence for self pitying and weak ppl like him.
in the beginning i really felt sympathy for him, but now i thnk we wud be better off sympathyzing with his wife

....first, they can mould him...

:D thats wat almost all women think when they marry...and its the duty of the husbands to resist

I have started feeling that maybe we should do as Luci said, and kill the thread...

...but P.Sekhar wud keep reviving it looking for sympathy and support

[Poor Husband]

Hi All,



I think you misunderstood what I think.



it's true I am softhearted, but as a man I should be firm and asertive and decisive.



If my wife wants to come to my house she could have come after giving a lession to her parents. But I can't stay hopeless as she is silently taking revenge on me.



If I put myself down at this moment, how can a wife, a woman live with a person who is so soft.



One cannot expect respect from a wife, if her husband is so dependent on her love.



TODAY IS OUR MARRIAGE ANNIVERSARY. But I don't expect a call from her.



Her parents spoiled her by coming to my house regularly and taught her all these dirty politics and now she is with them and encouraging her with their money power.



Do you think if she comes to my house or if I bring her forcefully, she will stay with me happily. She has so many conditions, that I should cut my relationship with my parents and brother's sisters, I have to wash my in-laws feet etc etc.



When love becomes conditional it's not a love at all, we should keep away from that kind of love.



But my intention is not to stay away from my wife and daughter. I want to bring her as a lifetime partner .



AS I SAID, FRIENDS I SAW MY FUTURE YESTERDAY NIGHT, AND I FOUND EVERYTHING IS FINE WITH ME.



To achive that , I have to keep myself happy..I don't want to be a poor husband. I want to change myself. I have to accept everything , I have to take responsibility for all that is happening. So that gradually I will forget to react those pathetic moments.



Once I can keep myself happy, I will not play tennis . i.e if I give up my opponent cannot play tennis with me.



Thanks

Sekhar

[Poor Husband]

Hi,



All of you think that I am a very weak person.



Yes I agreed I was before, but circumstances have taught me a lots of thing.



I my post ( which u think as irritating), do you know how much strength and courage is required for a person like me to change .



Dear all I am feeling happy in these days, because of self-meditation.

Now I want to live in a new life with full of joy and new hope.



I know I can give my wife and daughter a good life in future. I know I am a good person. I know I am a good husband also. Because my wife knows it very well. The problem with her is that she respects her ego and obey her parents words.



That doesn't matter with me at all. I will live in my own world, and one day I'll bring my wife into my world also.



In my own world there are lots of greenery lots of flowers lots of tiny birds



AND I HOPE THIS THREAD WILL BE KILLED SHORTLY ..

[Happy Husband]

Hi All,



I am happy , I am feeling happy on the marriage day.

I am not a confused person at all.



I hope I can celebrate with you with all the happiness I have..



Thanks...

[Betty]

Paging CAD....where are you?

See what you made PH (turned HH) do...you made the guy make 3 posts....and that too with the 'I am happy message'...

Your comments required...

[CtrlAltDel]

he has posted he is happy.....let him be....

i dont want to post here any more....



let this thread die plz

[Happy Husband]

Hi CAD,



Please don't take anything personally...

You are a good person with a sharp mind. You analize everything very well.



I would like to share your thought with this thread.



Positive thinking is not bad , if my calls me on the today( marriage anniversary day) , I'll not say anything bad..yes I'll tell her I am fine here and I am going to celebrate the day in a good restourant.

[CtrlAltDel]

arre...nothing was taken personally...why shud i?



i have already said that i get irritated by whiny and weak people.



now that u sound more optimistic, its good...but still u have to show some spine to yr wife....all the best





...and Happy Anniversary........have fun in the restaurant...dont worry if u r alone....invite some friends and have fun.

[The Jackal]

Happy Aniversary man.

[Happy Husband]

~~~~~~~~~~THANKS TO ALL~~~~~~~~~~~~



Right now I am in my offfice, by 7.30 PM I am going for a dinner with some of my friends here.



Hopefully we'll have some drink ...



All my Colleagues demanding party everytime, which is common in hyderabad.They have a list of pending list of party for every moment.



In February I got promoted to Senior Software Engineer in my company. And I entered into my new house also. They have also included these two big events. My credit card will take some extra load today.

[Pic of Poor Husband]

See me today...

[san]

Dear Happy Husband



I am very happy you have found happiness - in yourself - did u say? Surprised you didn't find that much earlier...



Better late than never.

[CtrlAltDel]

WHY THE F U C K DO YOU CALL YOURSELF "POOR" ONCE AGAIN?????

[san]

That's because it's an old pic. We'll see new pic of HH after the party...won't we?

[Happy Husband]

Hi ,



The party is over, it went well.

Now I am at my home..



Till now I haven't received any call from my wife..



But there is no problem at all.. I'll give some more time to her.

[haawa]

I love my wife but I should not accept my wife's conditional love. As I don't want that love , if I accept her love my life will be full of pain.

When love becomes conditional it's not a love at all, we should keep away from that kind of love.

Hmmm... it sounds to me that You are putting conditions on love yourself... Unconditional love is Just that UNCONDITIONAL.. even if you expect the person you love to give you Unconditional love in return... that means your love is NOT unconditional... expecting somthing is the same as placing a condition...



QUESTION FOR EVERYONE: DO THEY HAVE MARRAIGE COUNSELING IN HYDERABAD???



If not I suggest you get a Visa to US and come on the Dr. Phil Show .. you can write to him at http://www.drphil.com/ he helps many couples by fixing what is wrong with each individual..



CAD is right .. you have to show some spine .. I don't understand men being so soft... no man in my life is like that ... not my dad, my brother, cousins, or husband...



You can't try to please everyone I think when you say that ..you are happy now..? is that true.. ? or are you just saying that because you are trying to please this messege board... because people are getting irritated by you not taking control of you life...?

[Happy Husband]

Hi,



As haawa said, I am just trying to please myself. And to some extent I have been succeeded.



Can you think, how difficult it is - being happy after so many problems and suffering .



Yes I am not expecting conditional or unconditional love from my wife. As I am expecting nothing from her.



I am expecting so many things from myself. I want to gain lots of strength, patience, power to forgive, power to love etc etc. To achive these I have to keep myself happy.





YES, YESTERDAY NIGHT MY WIFE CALLED ME 4 TIMES. BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY A WORD. I WAS ASKING HELLO HELLO ... EVERYTIME



I felt the pain for 5-10 minutes as I didn't understand What could be her intention by doing this.



But I managed everything ... and I am fine now.



My wife and daughter will come to my house very soon. As I know they are in very much tension . All people over there have started hating my in-laws and my wife. They can't go outside and staying in their house only.



Also I came to know that they have stopped complaining false things to others.



After all if a wife runs away from her house with her parents. It's a very bad thing. No husband can bear this....



BUT THEY DIDN'T EXPECTED MY NEW PERSONALITY. A MIX OF SOFT AND STRONG PERSONALITY.

[haawa]

BUT THEY DIDN'T EXPECTED MY NEW PERSONALITY. A MIX OF SOFT AND STRONG PERSONALITY.

Good for you... I just wanted you to read this and analiyse this if you can see your self in the following roles then I wish you best of luck with your marriage:



The Role of the Man in the Family



According to Dr. Phil, if men want to be successful in their marriage and family life, they have to change and broaden their definition of what it means to be successful as a man. Being a good provider, protector, leader and teacher is a privilege that comes with responsibilities that many men aren't aware of.



A Provider

Most men believe that being a good provider means supporting a family financially. It means much more than that. A man should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family. In order to do this, he must recognize that there are other currencies, in addition to money, that need to be provided.



A Protector

This means more than beating up the guy next door if he insults your wife. It means protecting her self-esteem and self-worth as well as your children's. It can also mean protecting your way of life and guarding against any threats to the things that you and your family value.



A Leader

Instead of waiting for your wife to take the initiative when you are having problems, take the lead. Get in the game and create what you want in your family instead of whining about your family situation. Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. It's a 100/100 partnership. That means you give 100 percent. And remember, you get what you give.



A Teacher

What are you teaching those around you — especially your children — with your behavior? It's important to provide a good example for your children, loved ones and community with both words and deeds. Set high standards and teach by doing.