Poor Husband suffering from in-laws behaviour

by **Poor Husband** » Fri Nov 28, 2003 12:37 pm

Hi,
 
 I am really getting mad day by day because of my in-laws. they are rich, they are frequently coming to my house and taking my wife and daughter.
 
 They also warn me take any action against them. The main problem is my wife loves her parents. So I am just suffering and waiting for the time. The time when my wife will understand her own life, her husband and her actual family..
 
 Need advice...

by **CtrlAltDel** » Fri Nov 28, 2003 12:46 pm

\"Poor husband bhai\"...u see, in the Great Indian Culture, when u marry somebody, u marry that somebody\'s family too. u r not alone.
 why dont u try to get a job outside hydbad (or India)...?
 i bet my In-Laws\' property that your In-Laws wont follow you there...
 since your inlaws r rich...dont fight them...u may get a bad deal in their Will...!
 remember: You are an Intelligent man....since the old saying states that: \"If your Father is poor its your fate, but if your Father-In-Law is poor its your Stupidity\"

by **happy married guy** » Fri Nov 28, 2003 12:47 pm

Poor guy,,
 
 cool it dont despair... afterall in-laws are your parent inlaws, cause you are part of your wife and she is part of you.. when you expect her to adopt to your home culture.. your parents, your sisters etc andx treat them like her own parents.. why not the same when it come to you... why dont you accept the change and treat her parents, her brothers,sisters as your own... see once after wedding the boy and the girl gets two home, meaning her inlaws home and her parents home, which also applies to the boy, afterall wedding is an union of two families...
 
 you say your wife side is very rich.. all the more better for you man... cheer up and live happily

by **Poor Husband** » Fri Nov 28, 2003 1:27 pm

Thanks.. you know I am not that much poor, I am a software enginner here.
 
 Actually I don\'t want to hurt my wife. She feels very happy with her parents. The problem is that she doesn\'t feel the internal pain of her husband. Now she left my house two months back along with my one year daughter.
 
 I remember them a lot here. Always requesting her to come back . But my in-laws suggests me to ignore your parents and family then only you can take my daughter.
 
 This I confirm you that we have no problem from my parents side. Thay never want a single penny from my salary.
 
 My dad is a govt doctor , a selfless person, gave free treatment to poors and he has a very good reputation in our family . But my father-in law is a rich businessman . Plz don\'t think that he gave me lots of things.. We never demanded anything and they didn\'t give me nothing.Chapter close.
 
 The problem is that they want to see her daughter , alwasys daughter only . Never want to see her as a BAHU.
 
 I am bearing these things for last 2 1/2 years. But when my time will come..
 
 You know , a sensitive person like me, want to improve my career , how it is possible.
 
 Living in a lonely life, wife doesn\'t understand me.. In-laws warn me to lodge complain in police if I forcefully take my wife and daughter from their house.
 
 I am reading lots of stress management books, but still i cannot bear the pain...

by **Poor Husband** » Fri Nov 28, 2003 1:30 pm

Yes you are right.. please tell me some thing how can I mould my wife towards my life. She is also a matured woman, but never give respect to my parents. She always ingores them. Initially I discussed with here regarding this. But nothing happend. Now I never discuss about my parents with her.

by **happy married guy** » Fri Nov 28, 2003 2:09 pm

Poor guy,
 
 I could help you with the following suggestions please.
 
 1.talk to your wife in private and discuss in lenght about your family ( meaning you, wife, daughter only) future.
 2.talk to your inlaws, and tell them you would set up a nucelar family...so your wife would be independent.
 3.since you are in S/W you have a bright future, so why dont you try any foreign assignments or atleast for a transfer to some other city.
 4.if your inlaws wants to see your daughter as daughter and not bahu.. then they should not have married off to you .. anyway happend has happend.. now you need to talk to them nicely.. please be very patient, do not take anyhasty desions!!!!!
 5. you could possibly take you wife to a family coucellor to discuss the problem bare thread...
 
 All the Very best, hope to hear a good news about the reunion///////

by **happy married guy** » Fri Nov 28, 2003 2:12 pm

one point i forgot,,, you father-inlaw cant thretnd you that he would go to the police cause you have married legally and not harrased your wife or demanded any dowry...

by ZC » Fri Nov 28, 2003 2:57 pm

Ek kaam kar, 6 months Ghar Jamai ban jaa, 6 months tere biwi......bahu ban kar rahegi. laphad ech katam.

by **SPEEDY** » Sat Nov 29, 2003 1:43 pm

SAME PROBLEM WID ME AS WELL.
 
 I PREFER LOVE MARRIAGE, B\'COSE ITS ONCE HAPPENING IN THE LIFE TIME.

by **Poor Husband** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 2:44 pm

Even mine is also a love marriage. I was in touch with my wife for 5 years before marriage. But I have never seen her or met her . As she was in other cities. I used to contact with here by letters and phone calls.
 
 Here parents also supported her to build the relationship. And they always advise me not to tell anything to my parents. At that time I was blind in love.
 
 Now I realise, we have a one side pure love. God only knows about the other side ...

by **happy married guy** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 3:54 pm

Hi poor hubby,
 
 I cant now understand my your mail about the position.. you now say it was a love marriage and your inlaws also supported it... by then why is there a problem now,, as the coin has two sides ,, tell me your part, what mistake you did for them to be ofended to you.. and normally no sane woman would leave her husband and would stay with her parents for a indefinite period, cause its a bad remark for them... if you could tell me your other part, possibly i could give you a good solution to live happily together...

by **Coolnut** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:26 pm

MY Girl is harrasing me

by **poor_husband** » Tue Apr 12, 2005 4:47 pm

Hi,

I stayed with my wife after compromise and stayed with my finger crossed.. My in-laws were driving my house..they even didn't allow my family ( parents brothers sister's etc )

If my family come to my house to attend any function or sometyhing my wife say harse words to them in front of me.

We are a well educated family ( my father is a Class One doctor all my sister's husband are in very good position one is in Maneger in HAL and another is also a doctor)

I am also a software engineer and my younger brother is also a software engineer.

we didn't open our mouth against them ..as we did't like to argument with those stubburn people.

Just last week my father-in-law came to my house along with his family( my wife called him ) they stayed in my house for 10 days theatend me . as a result i didn't talk with hem as usual. and they forcefully taken my wife and daughter.

Now they are still heatending me to lodge complain in police if I do something against them..

I think I have to stay alone in my life..need suggestion...

by **Kavita** » Tue Apr 12, 2005 5:47 pm

tode din sab ko chod ke akele jiyo lekin gam me nahi. Sab ke hosh thikane ajayenge.

Take a break from all this and keep yourself happy. Move to a different location. Dont worry about your daughter, she will always be Your daughter. And your wife, if she has anything left in her head, she will come running to you.

by **funkydude** » Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:20 pm

no offence dude, but I think you seriously need to work on reasserting your position with your wife. Right now you don't even need to care about what her family thinks. How much you spend on her and how much you give to your parents is no business of theirs. As long as you are treating her properly and are a good provider, you have certain protections under the law, which includes custody of your kid.

If your wife does not understand you, you need to let her know your options and how serious you are about taking them. i know its not pleasant, but sometimes it is neccessary.

by **Betty** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 4:19 pm

Kavita wrote:tode din sab ko chod ke akele jiyo lekin gam me nahi. Sab ke hosh thikane ajayenge.

Take a break from all this and keep yourself happy. Move to a different location. Dont worry about your daughter, she will always be Your daughter. And your wife, if she has anything left in her head, she will come running to you.

I second that.

Take a project in a different city, different country preferably. It is of course difficult to stay away from your kid but as things stand now, you are not staying much with her anyway.

But be careful never to sign anywhere or agree that the fault lies with you, i.e. don't create grounds on which you can be sued.

by **mark** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 4:38 pm

thats odd, my understanding of the situation in India is that when a woman is married her primary obligation is to her husband and his parents before her own. did i totally get the wrong end of the stick here?

by **CtrlAltDel** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 4:46 pm

mark wrote:thats odd, my understanding of the situation in India is that when a woman is married her primary obligation is to her husband and his parents before her own. did i totally get the wrong end of the stick here?

u r right...but there is always an exception to every rule!

by **The Jackal** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 5:45 pm

CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:thats odd, my understanding of the situation in India is that when a woman is married her primary obligation is to her husband and his parents before her own. did i totally get the wrong end of the stick here?
u r right...but there is always an exception to every rule!

To be precise:An Anomolly.

by **mark** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:23 pm

The Jackal wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:thats odd, my understanding of the situation in India is that when a woman is married her primary obligation is to her husband and his parents before her own. did i totally get the wrong end of the stick here?
u r right...but there is always an exception to every rule!
To be precise:An Anomolly.

To be picky: An Anomaly

by **Betty** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:31 pm

mark wrote:thats odd, my understanding of the situation in India is that when a woman is married her primary obligation is to her husband and his parents before her own. did i totally get the wrong end of the stick here?

No, that crap about primary duties are still fed to some women when they are being brought up.....something like 'to be a dutiful wife and wash your husband's feet is the only reason you were born', etc....

In any case, or rather in this case, when you don't want to share your daughter with any man in her life, you should not be marrying her off...this behaviour is really odd...

by **mark** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:47 pm

Betty wrote:
mark wrote:thats odd, my understanding of the situation in India is that when a woman is married her primary obligation is to her husband and his parents before her own. did i totally get the wrong end of the stick here?

No, that crap about primary duties are still fed to some women when they are being brought up.....something like 'to be a dutiful wife and wash your husband's feet is the only reason you were born', etc....

In any case, or rather in this case, when you don't want to share your daughter with any man in her life, you should not be marrying her off...this behaviour is really odd...

ok cool. it was a rather conservitave Keralan that told me that. when i told him that his society was matriarchical until recent times he ignored me

by **lizard king** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:53 am

mark wrote:
Betty wrote:
mark wrote:thats odd, my understanding of the situation in India is that when a woman is married her primary obligation is to her husband and his parents before her own. did i totally get the wrong end of the stick here?

No, that crap about primary duties are still fed to some women when they are being brought up.....something like 'to be a dutiful wife and wash your husband's feet is the only reason you were born', etc....

In any case, or rather in this case, when you don't want to share your daughter with any man in her life, you should not be marrying her off...this behaviour is really odd...

ok cool. it was a rather conservitave Keralan that told me that. when i told him that his society was matriarchical until recent times he ignored me

I totally agree with u, Indian society on an apparent scale is very very matriarchial. the woman is the boss of the house.

but again, the same way, most of the Indian men think they own their women.

by **Poor Husband** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 1:11 pm

Hi Guys,

Thanks to all who have suppoted me in this emotional moment.

I have decided to live alone for few months. Before that I wanted to teach a lession to my wife.

So one last week I called my wife ( telephone ) and told her that I want a divorce from you.. we can't live together..as you also don't want to come here . As she cannot live without her parents and brother..

I told her that I am coming to you house within 10 days with all required court paper. You have to sign it.

If you and your father lodge a police complain also I am ready to go to jail, at least I can live happliy there without any tension. I told her you can do whatever you do..but i want divorce.

-------------

And it worked..that day she called me at least 150-160 times .. said forgive me forgive me etc etc.. I want to come to your house I want to live with you..

But I think I should you continue with my decision for another 3-4 months..

Now I am feeling OK as I have thrown her out from my mind and heart.

I will wait for another 3-4 months.. as I cannot beleive her suddenly. So I let her stay there with the pain that divorce may happen ... so that her parents will also realise the situation that finally they are breaking their dauthers house.

AM I DOING RIGHT THING..GUYS PLEASE SUGGEST ...

by **CtrlAltDel** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 2:01 pm

i hope she doesnt browse this forum

Poor Husband suffering from in-laws behaviour