Hi guys,
I'd really appreciate your advice. I'm a Hindu Telugu boy from North America, in a city with a large Andhra/Hyderabadi population. I'm interested in this Hyderabadi Muslim girl in my city, and I know she is interested in me too. However, before I make the move into the relationship department, I was wondering about how conservative Hyderabadi muslim families are?
I mean, I've grown up mostly with Gujarati/Punjabi people and don't know much about how our culture is. I don't usually talk to my parents about relationships so I want to ask them last. My gujarati friends tell me not to go for a muslim girl as they'll try to convert you, etc. She seems really reserved but her parents give her a lot of freedom, and she mentioned that they've lived here for a few decades so I'm thinking they must be pretty westernized too. After all, she seems to know a lot about Hindu culture/religion and mentions that her parents also watch Telugu movies.
What do you guys think? Are Hyderabadi muslims more liberal than say other Indian muslims, is it common for muslim hyderabadi girls to marry Telugu hindu guys? Would they disown the girl (I'm not the type to convert to another religion, though I would respect her beliefs)? I thought this would be the perfect place to ask such a question...
Thanks a lot guys, and I hope you can help me out here.
Regards,
Raj
Hindu-Muslim marriage among Hyderabadis!
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an intresting question raj!
most of my friends have been goin thru the some similar situations but m advice always goes this way... for the time being u seem to b intrested in the other person by imaging only the good about your future but u ought to consider evrythin outside the dreamworld which u get into
mostly in muslims the parents don't agree with such proposals as its forbidden in islam to marry some1 who is outside their religion and keep such contacts with a person who isn't at all related to one (be it a man or a woman). If you marry someone with outside ur religion then firstly the main reason for the conflicts that wud occur bw u both is gonna b the religion....
two things wud probably occur whn one marries a person of another religion
FIRSTLY, if the girl is religious enuff then she wud certainly like to convert u to her religion but u say that u rnt that type of person who wud convert... this will lead to fights among u n da result wud b an unhappy marriage or separation.
SECONDLY, if the girl isnt religious enuff then you wud b marrying a wrong girl cuz just think this girl never bothered to investigate things about her religion and understand the religion, she neglected her god so how cud she ever understand u... one day or the other she will even neglect u as well... it wud b just for a temporary satisfaction or whatever that she wud b marrying u if she accepts to ur proposal
you must be knowin' that one's religion counts a lot while the upbringing of their children so if u marry her then she being a muslim wud do the upbringing of ur children her way and its always that the children are influenced more by their mother than their father....
its not simply that u both seem to be intrested in in eachother now.... more important is YOUR FUTURE.... THE FUTURE OF YOUR KIDS! just think how would your child feel when he/she is being looked in an awkward way by classmates who come to know that the parents of this child are of diff religions.... believe me, it happnes as i had a friend who'd been suffering from depression cuz of this...
ne wyz.... the bottom line is.... A COMPLETE NO NO!
cuz such marriages do not last long.... either one of the partner will have to change their identity n in this the other one to me is considered as selfish cuz in a marriage one needs to love the other the way how they r withought makin da alterations for wrong....
the next biggest disadvantage with such marriage is...just for a person, you will hafta cut-off the realtionship with ur parents who should mean a lot to their child... and i've seen in most of the cases that if a child hurts his/her parents for fulfilling any of his wants n desires, he/she never stays happy!
a normal person even needs to think about the society in which he/she lives.... if there r no probs with nethin then its always the society that creates a BIG fuss....
so.... i advice u to search a better girl from ur religion who wud give upbringing to ur children the way your mother did!
n abt that muslim girl... well, both of u can stay friends.... the need for being wedded is not necessary!!
GOOD LUCK!
most of my friends have been goin thru the some similar situations but m advice always goes this way... for the time being u seem to b intrested in the other person by imaging only the good about your future but u ought to consider evrythin outside the dreamworld which u get into
mostly in muslims the parents don't agree with such proposals as its forbidden in islam to marry some1 who is outside their religion and keep such contacts with a person who isn't at all related to one (be it a man or a woman). If you marry someone with outside ur religion then firstly the main reason for the conflicts that wud occur bw u both is gonna b the religion....
two things wud probably occur whn one marries a person of another religion
FIRSTLY, if the girl is religious enuff then she wud certainly like to convert u to her religion but u say that u rnt that type of person who wud convert... this will lead to fights among u n da result wud b an unhappy marriage or separation.
SECONDLY, if the girl isnt religious enuff then you wud b marrying a wrong girl cuz just think this girl never bothered to investigate things about her religion and understand the religion, she neglected her god so how cud she ever understand u... one day or the other she will even neglect u as well... it wud b just for a temporary satisfaction or whatever that she wud b marrying u if she accepts to ur proposal
you must be knowin' that one's religion counts a lot while the upbringing of their children so if u marry her then she being a muslim wud do the upbringing of ur children her way and its always that the children are influenced more by their mother than their father....
its not simply that u both seem to be intrested in in eachother now.... more important is YOUR FUTURE.... THE FUTURE OF YOUR KIDS! just think how would your child feel when he/she is being looked in an awkward way by classmates who come to know that the parents of this child are of diff religions.... believe me, it happnes as i had a friend who'd been suffering from depression cuz of this...
ne wyz.... the bottom line is.... A COMPLETE NO NO!
cuz such marriages do not last long.... either one of the partner will have to change their identity n in this the other one to me is considered as selfish cuz in a marriage one needs to love the other the way how they r withought makin da alterations for wrong....
the next biggest disadvantage with such marriage is...just for a person, you will hafta cut-off the realtionship with ur parents who should mean a lot to their child... and i've seen in most of the cases that if a child hurts his/her parents for fulfilling any of his wants n desires, he/she never stays happy!
a normal person even needs to think about the society in which he/she lives.... if there r no probs with nethin then its always the society that creates a BIG fuss....
so.... i advice u to search a better girl from ur religion who wud give upbringing to ur children the way your mother did!
n abt that muslim girl... well, both of u can stay friends.... the need for being wedded is not necessary!!
GOOD LUCK!
whn u make a mistake, don't luk bk at it long. Tk da reason of the thing into ur mind n thn look 4wrd. Mistakes r lessons of wisdom.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
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jquader - Registered User
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Hey,
Thanks for your input. Perhaps I should have been clearer in my previous post, my parents have been clear to me that they'd accept anyone I choose regardless of race/religion, it's just that I don't want to discuss who I date with them at this point in time. As far as the girl is concerned, she is a really sweet and decent human being, and does practice her religion to an extent. And here in N.America noone will look down on you for being of mixed religious background. I'm more curious about how Hyderabadi culture in general perceives inter religious relationships? Since Hyderabad is 40% Muslim in a state that's 90% Hindu, then wouldn't the muslims there be more integrated with hindu culture and thus more likely to have people in their families of different religions? What proportion of muslim families have hindus (non-converts), or who are accepting of hindus marrying in?
Thanks in advance..
Raj
Thanks for your input. Perhaps I should have been clearer in my previous post, my parents have been clear to me that they'd accept anyone I choose regardless of race/religion, it's just that I don't want to discuss who I date with them at this point in time. As far as the girl is concerned, she is a really sweet and decent human being, and does practice her religion to an extent. And here in N.America noone will look down on you for being of mixed religious background. I'm more curious about how Hyderabadi culture in general perceives inter religious relationships? Since Hyderabad is 40% Muslim in a state that's 90% Hindu, then wouldn't the muslims there be more integrated with hindu culture and thus more likely to have people in their families of different religions? What proportion of muslim families have hindus (non-converts), or who are accepting of hindus marrying in?
Thanks in advance..
Raj
- Raj
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i have heard and known of many cases of succesful hindu-muslim marriages but in all of them one of the 2 converted. the only 2 instances i have heard of where both partners maintained their religious identities and had a successful marriage are Emperor Akbar-Jodha Bai and Shahrukh Khan-Gowri 
IMO, u cud face lots of problems in future esp after u have a child, in case both of u decide to maintain yr respective religious identities.
parents are not a problem, even if they initially disapprove, they will usually come around a few yrs later, esp if u present them with a grand-child.
u need not bother abt society since u live in US. for us here, its a pain we have to endure.
IMO, u cud face lots of problems in future esp after u have a child, in case both of u decide to maintain yr respective religious identities.
parents are not a problem, even if they initially disapprove, they will usually come around a few yrs later, esp if u present them with a grand-child.
u need not bother abt society since u live in US. for us here, its a pain we have to endure.
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings 
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
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CtrlAltDel - God!
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I say, forget the damn religions, forget the damn conversions and marry happily
PS: The writer urges that the above msg should be taken in a lighter vein, and it only converys what the writer wanted to say on an intercaste marriage, the writer doesnt mean or doesnt know that it will be the right thing for you
PS: The writer urges that the above msg should be taken in a lighter vein, and it only converys what the writer wanted to say on an intercaste marriage, the writer doesnt mean or doesnt know that it will be the right thing for you
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RK - Registered User
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Raj some of my thoughts,
It is pretty much guaranteed that if you were in India you would face problems to a larger extent with inter religion marriages. But in US, I do not see an issue as long as both you and the girl like and understand each other. Sayng that, following are the noticeable impacts:
your relation with your wife: If both of you are comfortable with the other's religion then this should have no problem. Hopefully you can sustain such positive companionship. If not then it might start causing problems. But I do not buy that the girl has to be religious enough to be good and seek to convert you if she is religious enough. I think each of you can be as good as the other is by seeking your own spirituality via your own religion while letting the other choose his/her own path. Other than the religious aspect I think everything else should be normal.
Your relation with your wife's relatives: It is possible that the girl's parents are not amiable to the idea of an inter religion marriage. In this case you will see issues with respect to the girl's relatives and family and to that extent you will not enjoy a positive experience of that aspect of married life. They could potentially harass you continually to convert or divorce or they could even threaten and do mischief. Or, on the more positive note they could start to accept you and their daughter as husband wife and live happily. There is risk but it is to be expected and weighed.
issues for kids: As you are in US your kids WILL NOT face any social issues unless you expect to get them married in an arranged fashion within your or her community when they grow up. I doubt you intend to since you yourself are seeking independent marriage. In addition your kids might grow up without extended family exposure if the marriage is against the wishes of the community. How your kids grow and handle their dual religion ancestry depends on how you raise them. I am sure you will find similar parents as time goes by.
But the fact that you have posted the question on this board makes me feel you are very keen on her and given a lot of thought. I would say go for it. 10 to 15 years down the road who know how societies and people change, just reflect back how it was 10 years back and you will notice tremendous changes in peoples lifestyles, perceptions and acceptance levels.
You live only once. If you trust and care for your lady love don't go through it with a broken heart and suffer for the sake of religion, relatives and societies.
My best wishes...
It is pretty much guaranteed that if you were in India you would face problems to a larger extent with inter religion marriages. But in US, I do not see an issue as long as both you and the girl like and understand each other. Sayng that, following are the noticeable impacts:
your relation with your wife: If both of you are comfortable with the other's religion then this should have no problem. Hopefully you can sustain such positive companionship. If not then it might start causing problems. But I do not buy that the girl has to be religious enough to be good and seek to convert you if she is religious enough. I think each of you can be as good as the other is by seeking your own spirituality via your own religion while letting the other choose his/her own path. Other than the religious aspect I think everything else should be normal.
Your relation with your wife's relatives: It is possible that the girl's parents are not amiable to the idea of an inter religion marriage. In this case you will see issues with respect to the girl's relatives and family and to that extent you will not enjoy a positive experience of that aspect of married life. They could potentially harass you continually to convert or divorce or they could even threaten and do mischief. Or, on the more positive note they could start to accept you and their daughter as husband wife and live happily. There is risk but it is to be expected and weighed.
issues for kids: As you are in US your kids WILL NOT face any social issues unless you expect to get them married in an arranged fashion within your or her community when they grow up. I doubt you intend to since you yourself are seeking independent marriage. In addition your kids might grow up without extended family exposure if the marriage is against the wishes of the community. How your kids grow and handle their dual religion ancestry depends on how you raise them. I am sure you will find similar parents as time goes by.
But the fact that you have posted the question on this board makes me feel you are very keen on her and given a lot of thought. I would say go for it. 10 to 15 years down the road who know how societies and people change, just reflect back how it was 10 years back and you will notice tremendous changes in peoples lifestyles, perceptions and acceptance levels.
You live only once. If you trust and care for your lady love don't go through it with a broken heart and suffer for the sake of religion, relatives and societies.
My best wishes...
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire, philosopher (1694-1778)
- Akshay
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Chaiyan Chaiyan Chayian Chalo Chaiyan Chaiyan Chaiyan.........
Get married and find out dude ?
If its successful lead a happy life.
If it turns out to be a dud, curse yourself for putting yourself there.
Simple end of story.
============================================
Having said that, let me get back to usual DQ stuff. A break down of your POST.
Ah ahem i guess its pretty much upto you now. Do what you wannna do, taking things the way the come, sipping on ........
Get married and find out dude ?
If its successful lead a happy life.
If it turns out to be a dud, curse yourself for putting yourself there.
Simple end of story.
============================================
Having said that, let me get back to usual DQ stuff. A break down of your POST.
raj wrote:Hi guys,
Hiraj wrote:I'd really appreciate your advice.
Will you heed as well or only appreciate?raj wrote: I'm a Hindu Telugu boy from North America, in a city with a large Andhra/Hyderabadi population.
CHIKAGOOO se ho kya>raj wrote:I'm interested in this Hyderabadi Muslim girl in my city, and I know she is interested in me too.
Ladka Ladki Raji....okai.raj wrote: However, before I make the move into the relationship department, I was wondering about how conservative Hyderabadi muslim families are?
So you want to get a clearance from the "conservative Dept" before applying in the relationship department?raj wrote:I mean, I've grown up mostly with Gujarati/Punjabi people and don't know much about how our culture is. I don't usually talk to my parents about relationships so I want to ask them last. My gujarati friends tell me not to go for a muslim girl as they'll try to convert you, etc.
Hmm so you have half a mind to heed to your Gujrati friends?
Relegious conversion - Gujrati - oho boiling topic hain baap...raj wrote: She seems really reserved but her parents give her a lot of freedom, and she mentioned that they've lived here for a few decades so I'm thinking they must be pretty westernized too. After all, she seems to know a lot about Hindu culture/religion and mentions that her parents also watch Telugu movies.
1. She is reserved
2. Her parents given her lot of freedom
3. Both seem to have westernnized views? (What does this mean ? Non Indianized views is it?)
4. Knowing about Hindu / culture relegion and watching Telugu movies?
So by this do you want to take it for granted that they will be prepared to convert for you ?
Let me rephrase your question, a lot of people know about Saudi Culture and also see Osama bin Laden when he is flashed on CNN, does this mean that they will marry their daughters of to Osamas Son?raj wrote:What do you guys think? Are Hyderabadi muslims more liberal than say other Indian muslims, is it common for muslim hyderabadi girls to marry Telugu hindu guys?
Common, no I dont think so dude. Have seen only one such case all my life (to add to that the marriage broke down miserably, and both have turned into relegious bigots after this botched attempt)raj wrote:Would they disown the girl (I'm not the type to convert to another religion, though I would respect her beliefs)?
Depends,
I have a Muslim bloke whos married a conservative Hindu Girl, the parents have not seen her face till date.
I have a Catholic friend who married a protestant girl the parents have not seen her face till date again.
Both these cases are from Hyderabad, given the social framework of the city there is every likelihood the girl will not see her parents anymore.raj wrote:I thought this would be the perfect place to ask such a question...
Thanks a lot guys, and I hope you can help me out here.
Ah ahem i guess its pretty much upto you now. Do what you wannna do, taking things the way the come, sipping on ........
Tu jo sachchi hai larazti kyun hai aye zaban bol de darti kyun hai
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http://kaamwali.fullhydblogs.com
qalb men khowfe khuda hai tere phir zuban sach se jhijhakti kyun hai
http://kaamwali.fullhydblogs.com
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DQ - Level 2 Star User
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SECONDLY, if the girl isnt religious enuff then you wud b marrying a wrong girl cuz just think this girl never bothered to investigate things about her religion and understand the religion, she neglected her god so how cud she ever understand u... one day or the other she will even neglect u as well... it wud b just for a temporary satisfaction or whatever that she wud b marrying u if she accepts to ur proposal
I beg to differ. Religion does not make one a better person. Being religious and being moral are 2 different things. Atheists do lot of good too without the crutch of religion and they never went on crusades nor indulged in conversions nor killed and maimed anyone.
May be religion was necessary at certain times in human history to civilize the savages. But it has served its purpose. In modern times Religion can only create a self righteous hypocrite nothing more.
90% of the world is religious and look at where it is taking us.
[Apologies for digressing - just random thoughts]
- OB
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OB wrote:SECONDLY, if the girl isnt religious enuff then you wud b marrying a wrong girl cuz just think this girl never bothered to investigate things about her religion and understand the religion, she neglected her god so how cud she ever understand u... one day or the other she will even neglect u as well... it wud b just for a temporary satisfaction or whatever that she wud b marrying u if she accepts to ur proposal
I beg to differ. Religion does not make one a better person. Being religious and being moral are 2 different things. Atheists do lot of good too without the crutch of religion and they never went on crusades nor indulged in conversions nor killed and maimed anyone.
May be religion was necessary at certain times in human history to civilize the savages. But it has served its purpose. In modern times Religion can only create a self righteous hypocrite nothing more.
90% of the world is religious and look at where it is taking us.
[Apologies for digressing - just random thoughts]
intelligible random thoughts indeed
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RK - Registered User
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Re: Hindu-Muslim marriage among Hyderabadis!
Im Muslim and living with my family in North America as well.
Inter-racial marriage has its owns problems, but they are pretty much successful. But when the 2 are of different faiths, I think there would be more problems. Of course this all depends on how mature they are, and to what extent they would go to compromise and give in. Parental pressures and discouragements will also have to be dealt with tact.
The deal with having kids and deciding which God they should worship would take a toll on the parents, grandma and grampa, and the innocent child as well.
Its hard to convince someone that there would be no love lost when they face these problems and make their choices and decisions.
Its nice to believe that love conquers all. But when you take off those rose-tinted glasses and look at the world for what it is------it'll make you have second thoughts and doubts.
Look dude, you say you love her and she loves you. If you believe in your heart that you can make it work, then go by your gut feeling.
But be forewarned that not every mixed marriage is like the SRK-Gauri one.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Inter-racial marriage has its owns problems, but they are pretty much successful. But when the 2 are of different faiths, I think there would be more problems. Of course this all depends on how mature they are, and to what extent they would go to compromise and give in. Parental pressures and discouragements will also have to be dealt with tact.
The deal with having kids and deciding which God they should worship would take a toll on the parents, grandma and grampa, and the innocent child as well.
Its hard to convince someone that there would be no love lost when they face these problems and make their choices and decisions.
Its nice to believe that love conquers all. But when you take off those rose-tinted glasses and look at the world for what it is------it'll make you have second thoughts and doubts.
Look dude, you say you love her and she loves you. If you believe in your heart that you can make it work, then go by your gut feeling.
But be forewarned that not every mixed marriage is like the SRK-Gauri one.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Whenever you can't sleep
May you be treated to a song
And heaven cracks
A song falls softly from the light of heaven.
May you be treated to a song
And heaven cracks
A song falls softly from the light of heaven.
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Alexis - Level 2 Lord
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I didnt mean to say "Good luck" twice! I dont want you to think I said it twice cuz I feel you need more than the usual amount. Yeah, whatever.
See ya.
Yeah, whatever.See ya.
Whenever you can't sleep
May you be treated to a song
And heaven cracks
A song falls softly from the light of heaven.
May you be treated to a song
And heaven cracks
A song falls softly from the light of heaven.
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Alexis - Level 2 Lord
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Hey everyone,
Thanks for all the great replies, some of them were well thought out and intelligent. I've had a chance to talk about it with my family, and it seems they support me. I talked to the girl about it too, and we are on the same wavelength. I won't go into details on a public forum but I'll tell you guys this. I feel very confident that whatever happens, we'll be strong enough to handle it and no matter what she'll have the love and support of my family. If kids are on the cards in the future then I'm sure we'll give them the freedom to choose as neither of us are hardcore religious, just cultural/spiritual. We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
Thanks for all the great replies, some of them were well thought out and intelligent. I've had a chance to talk about it with my family, and it seems they support me. I talked to the girl about it too, and we are on the same wavelength. I won't go into details on a public forum but I'll tell you guys this. I feel very confident that whatever happens, we'll be strong enough to handle it and no matter what she'll have the love and support of my family. If kids are on the cards in the future then I'm sure we'll give them the freedom to choose as neither of us are hardcore religious, just cultural/spiritual. We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
- Raj
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Raj wrote:Hey everyone,
Thanks for all the great replies, some of them were well thought out and intelligent. I've had a chance to talk about it with my family, and it seems they support me. I talked to the girl about it too, and we are on the same wavelength. I won't go into details on a public forum but I'll tell you guys this. I feel very confident that whatever happens, we'll be strong enough to handle it and no matter what she'll have the love and support of my family. If kids are on the cards in the future then I'm sure we'll give them the freedom to choose as neither of us are hardcore religious, just cultural/spiritual. We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
Truck loads of congratulations
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RK - Registered User
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Raj wrote:Hey everyone,
Thanks for all the great replies, some of them were well thought out and intelligent. I've had a chance to talk about it with my family, and it seems they support me. I talked to the girl about it too, and we are on the same wavelength. I won't go into details on a public forum but I'll tell you guys this. I feel very confident that whatever happens, we'll be strong enough to handle it and no matter what she'll have the love and support of my family. If kids are on the cards in the future then I'm sure we'll give them the freedom to choose as neither of us are hardcore religious, just cultural/spiritual. We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
You are one sacha ashiq and definitely DA MAN and she DA WOMAN. Though I am an agnostic, I will pray you both an awesome life filled with happiness.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire, philosopher (1694-1778)
- Akshay
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OB wrote:SECONDLY, if the girl isnt religious enuff then you wud b marrying a wrong girl cuz just think this girl never bothered to investigate things about her religion and understand the religion, she neglected her god so how cud she ever understand u... one day or the other she will even neglect u as well... it wud b just for a temporary satisfaction or whatever that she wud b marrying u if she accepts to ur proposal
I beg to differ. Religion does not make one a better person. Being religious and being moral are 2 different things. Atheists do lot of good too without the crutch of religion and they never went on crusades nor indulged in conversions nor killed and maimed anyone.
May be religion was necessary at certain times in human history to civilize the savages. But it has served its purpose. In modern times Religion can only create a self righteous hypocrite nothing more.
90% of the world is religious and look at where it is taking us.
[Apologies for digressing - just random thoughts]
Religion surely counts in makin' ones character as well as min-set.... n i dont find it right to change my statement
this doesnt meant that i wanna say "Atheists can never do better"... what i acctually mean to say is that if one considers himselfherself under one religion then they ought to enquire things abt their religion as well n whn they fail to do so and take themselves for wrong which has been prohibited in their religion then they don't have the rights to call themselves under that religion cuz IT WOULD SPOIL THE NAME OF THE RELIGION!
such ppl shud better call themselves atheists n do whatever they want!
OB... u need to get the right concept before talkin anythin'.... u simply can't blame the religion for crap happenin' in this world... religion doesn't teach any1 to do violence or go for the bad .... if one knows n tries to know abt his/her religion then they can certainly make themselves a better human! (which wudn't ever happen) as ppl now have become more selfish n r much intrested in fullfillin heir desires w.o. takin god (whoz given them this life) into consideration....
how can u think we r completely civilised now.... so that u dont have the need for the religion.... as i already said, religion doesnt only makes u a civilised person, it shows u the right in evrythin u do IF U BOTHER TO UNDERSTAND IT CLEARLY!
Anywyz....
dis topic is gettin out of the subject now
whn u make a mistake, don't luk bk at it long. Tk da reason of the thing into ur mind n thn look 4wrd. Mistakes r lessons of wisdom.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
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jquader - Registered User
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- Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:07 pm
Raj wrote:Hey everyone,
Thanks for all the great replies, some of them were well thought out and intelligent. I've had a chance to talk about it with my family, and it seems they support me. I talked to the girl about it too, and we are on the same wavelength. I won't go into details on a public forum but I'll tell you guys this. I feel very confident that whatever happens, we'll be strong enough to handle it and no matter what she'll have the love and support of my family. If kids are on the cards in the future then I'm sure we'll give them the freedom to choose as neither of us are hardcore religious, just cultural/spiritual. We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
well... i can simply say that "MAY GOD SHOW U TAKE U AS WELL AS UR WUD B WIFE ON A RIGHT PATH FOR A BETTER FUTURE 4 BOTH OF U AS WELL AS UR KIDS"
whn u make a mistake, don't luk bk at it long. Tk da reason of the thing into ur mind n thn look 4wrd. Mistakes r lessons of wisdom.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
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jquader - Registered User
- Posts: 236
- Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:07 pm
Raj wrote:Hey everyone,
We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
Aha!!! Somewhere did your religious self creep into the matter. Boy gets a hindu name cuz he carries your legacy that you would never like to go outside your religion. Isn't that true???
whn u make a mistake, don't luk bk at it long. Tk da reason of the thing into ur mind n thn look 4wrd. Mistakes r lessons of wisdom.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
da past cant be changed but da future is yet in your power.
-
jquader - Registered User
- Posts: 236
- Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:07 pm
Hmmm ..I think he is in process of getting Married and U people are discussing what name's should be given to his children's .'arey yaro itni jaldi kya hain
When life knocks you down you have two choices-
stay down or get up...!!!!
stay down or get up...!!!!
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Imran Khan - Registered User
- Posts: 225
- Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2003 11:30 am
in such weddings, all issues including that of children wud have to be discussed right in the beginning to nip any future trouble in the bud. they have done the right thing.
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
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CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
as long as both agree to and abide the terms and conditions theres nothing raang in itjquader wrote:Raj wrote:Hey everyone,
We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
Aha!!! Somewhere did your religious self creep into the matter. Boy gets a hindu name cuz he carries your legacy that you would never like to go outside your religion. Isn't that true???
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
I used to care, but things have changed.
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akhilis2cool - God!
- Posts: 11476
- Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:43 pm
- Location: Camp Swampy
jquader wrote:Raj wrote:Hey everyone,
We've even discussed kids, a little premature I know but it's better to go into it with the longterm in mind. If it's a boy he'll get a hindu name and if it's a girl a muslim name.
Thanks, bless you guys.
Raj
Aha!!! Somewhere did your religious self creep into the matter. Boy gets a hindu name cuz he carries your legacy that you would never like to go outside your religion. Isn't that true???
quader bhai, they have chosen their path. Be supportive and please don't nitpick deamons where there are none. Let them do what they want with their lives.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire, philosopher (1694-1778)
- akshay
- Registered User
- Posts: 262
- Joined: Sat Aug 27, 2005 3:58 pm
- Location: ramcastle
RK wrote:I say, forget the damn religions, forget the damn conversions and marry happily
PS: The writer urges that the above msg should be taken in a lighter vein, and it only converys what the writer wanted to say on an intercaste marriage, the writer doesnt mean or doesnt know that it will be the right thing for you
That one's straight from the heart
!!!Me agree....and as I find you have decided...jsut go for it dude...better to stay with each other and face problems if any come your way than to not give it a chance at all and regret it later....
Loads of congratulations!!!
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betty - Level 1 Star User
- Posts: 580
- Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 1:41 pm
OB wrote:SECONDLY, if the girl isnt religious enuff then you wud b marrying a wrong girl cuz just think this girl never bothered to investigate things about her religion and understand the religion, she neglected her god so how cud she ever understand u... one day or the other she will even neglect u as well... it wud b just for a temporary satisfaction or whatever that she wud b marrying u if she accepts to ur proposal
I beg to differ. Religion does not make one a better person. Being religious and being moral are 2 different things. Atheists do lot of good too without the crutch of religion and they never went on crusades nor indulged in conversions nor killed and maimed anyone.
May be religion was necessary at certain times in human history to civilize the savages. But it has served its purpose. In modern times Religion can only create a self righteous hypocrite nothing more.
90% of the world is religious and look at where it is taking us.
[Apologies for digressing - just random thoughts]
I second that....moreover how is someone being religious or not related to someone neglecting or not neglecting her husband?
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betty - Level 1 Star User
- Posts: 580
- Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 1:41 pm
CtrlAltDel wrote:in such weddings, all issues including that of children wud have to be discussed right in the beginning to nip any future trouble in the bud. they have done the right thing.
Yes. My daughter's name is zannat and son is zahid (If I remember correctly)
May the Fries be with you!
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Mayavi Morpheus - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3201
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2003 7:42 am
- Location: 30° 27' North ; 91° 08' West
Congratulations
Dude ... first of all congratulations.
My personal opinion, you made a smart move. And wish you the very best of luck and strength to go through with it. If you have love, respect, understanding, the willingness to compromise and communicate with each other, differences in religion or not, you would be successful.
I am pretty much in a similar situation. I am a born Hindu, while my fiancee is a Muslim girl. I don't practice religion at all, at my fiancee is not at all fussy about it either. We have our ups and downs, like any couple. But religion seldom is an issue so far. And since we are not in India, I guess it should be all the more easy to get along.
Religion has its pros and cons. It gives a peace and a sense of strength to know that there is someone above you, watching over you. That is the case, if you apply relifgion with common sense. If we go through what the scriptures say, we will still be practicing untouchability, murdering our own girls in the name of honour, treat blacks as outcasts. Oh wait, we still do that. It is common sense that matters. As some other guy put it earlier, 90% of us belong to some religion. Look where we are going, especially by following the religious leaders or the Republicans. Even the marriages that happen to strict religious guidelines end up with the girl burnt alive for dowry or with the guy having a mistress on the side. You get the point.
What you both should do, is take things slowly. And yet make sure that you don't skip some very important topics. Official religion for the children, prayers and practices, circumscision, Hajj, etc., all these need to be talked about. Come to a firm understanding, and never change your stand once the decision is made. If it is extremely difficult to make, then let the child make it for you. If the child is too young and the decision has to be made now, make him/her pick one from all the options. If the decision could wait, let the kid grow up and then let the kid make the decision. Always keep in mind, what you want is not to put one religion or one practice over the other. Instead what you want is for a better future for you and your family.
There are problems in ALL relationships. Every single one of them. If problems creep up, don't blame it on religion. Avoid the topic completely. Blame it on the Indian cricket team, but not this. Trust me, it will pay off later and you will laugh over it.
Well, all of us here are relationship experts. So take what we say with a pinch of salt. And apply your own reason and thought.
My personal opinion, you made a smart move. And wish you the very best of luck and strength to go through with it. If you have love, respect, understanding, the willingness to compromise and communicate with each other, differences in religion or not, you would be successful.
I am pretty much in a similar situation. I am a born Hindu, while my fiancee is a Muslim girl. I don't practice religion at all, at my fiancee is not at all fussy about it either. We have our ups and downs, like any couple. But religion seldom is an issue so far. And since we are not in India, I guess it should be all the more easy to get along.
Religion has its pros and cons. It gives a peace and a sense of strength to know that there is someone above you, watching over you. That is the case, if you apply relifgion with common sense. If we go through what the scriptures say, we will still be practicing untouchability, murdering our own girls in the name of honour, treat blacks as outcasts. Oh wait, we still do that. It is common sense that matters. As some other guy put it earlier, 90% of us belong to some religion. Look where we are going, especially by following the religious leaders or the Republicans. Even the marriages that happen to strict religious guidelines end up with the girl burnt alive for dowry or with the guy having a mistress on the side. You get the point.
What you both should do, is take things slowly. And yet make sure that you don't skip some very important topics. Official religion for the children, prayers and practices, circumscision, Hajj, etc., all these need to be talked about. Come to a firm understanding, and never change your stand once the decision is made. If it is extremely difficult to make, then let the child make it for you. If the child is too young and the decision has to be made now, make him/her pick one from all the options. If the decision could wait, let the kid grow up and then let the kid make the decision. Always keep in mind, what you want is not to put one religion or one practice over the other. Instead what you want is for a better future for you and your family.
There are problems in ALL relationships. Every single one of them. If problems creep up, don't blame it on religion. Avoid the topic completely. Blame it on the Indian cricket team, but not this. Trust me, it will pay off later and you will laugh over it.
Well, all of us here are relationship experts. So take what we say with a pinch of salt. And apply your own reason and thought.
-
Whiz - Registered User
- Posts: 26
- Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:08 pm
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