Humor...or something like it.

[cooljack]

in dat case wat do the unmarried ones say ...????

how would i know? no experience in these matters

wen r we gonna meet again?

:? if u r asking abt the next FHDB meet...theres a seperate thread for it...

nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, u got me wrong



anyways dats the answer for ur question in dat case wat do the unmarried ones say

[azazel]

anyways dats the answer for ur question in dat case wat do the unmarried ones say

to aisa kaho na.. had me for a sec there.. *phew*

[xylocaine]

Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeha yeha yeahh.....



haaaaaaaaaaaaaa huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu hhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii



hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy haaahaaaaaaaaaa hyyyyyyyyyyy



Apun photo host karna aur post karana sikh gaya................. heeeee



apun happppy huaaaaaaaa....

[akhilis2cool]

mere paas subeh se pehli baar free time hai

[CtrlAltDel]

Wife: Oh, come on.

Husband: Leave me alone!

Wife: It won't take long.

Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.

Wife: I can't sleep without it.

Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?

Wife: Because I'm Hot.

Husband: You get hot at the darnest times.

Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.

Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate.

Wife: You don't love me anymore.

Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.

Wife: (Sob-Sob)

Husband: Alright, I'll do it.

Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?

Husband: I can't find it.

Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!

Husband: There! Are you satisfied?

Wife: Oh, yes, honey.

Husband: Is it up far enough?

Wife: Oh, that's fine.

Husband: Now go to bed and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself.

[akhilis2cool]

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which one to marry.



He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.



The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so

much.



The man was impressed.



The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and so me expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves

him so much.



Again, the man is impressed.



The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously,the

man was impressed.





The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.



Simple question: whom does he marry?







Scroll down only after u have thought of the answer.













































He married the one with the The Largest Breasts.





Men are Men...!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

[akhilis2cool]

There was this "Husband Shopping Center" where a woman could go to choose from among many men, for her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in +ve attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.

> >

> > So, a couple of girls go to the place to find men ...





> > First floor, the door had a sign saying "These men

> > have jobs and love kids."



> > The women read the sign and say "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?". So up they go.



> > Second floor says "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking" Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?



> > Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."



> > Wow! say the women. Very tempting !!! But,there's more further up! And up they go.



> > Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs,love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."



> > Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!



> > So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please."

[ZC]

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which one to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so
much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and so me expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves
him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously,the
man was impressed.


The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Simple question: whom does he marry?



Scroll down only after u have thought of the answer.



He married the one with the The Largest Breasts.


Men are Men...!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

Similar one was.......Whom will u hire as a receptionist/PA ?.....one who is sexy !!

[azazel]

What is the difference between girls aged : 8, 18,28,38, 48 58 and 68? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

[rock_26iin]

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:



Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"



At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.



Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.



His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.. It's the best I could do for you from here."

[CtrlAltDel]

This is the private diary of a Viagra housewife...



Day 1

Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.



Day 2

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.



Day 3

This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.



Day 4

A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.



Day 5

What absolute bliss!!



Day 6

Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.



Day 7

This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy.



Day 8

I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.



Day 9

No time to write. He might catch me.



Day 10

Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whiskey! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over...



Day 11

I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.



Day 12

I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth, shaving my legs or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous...



Day 13

Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the jerk.



Day 14

I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me!



Day 15

I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did.



Day 16

The jerk has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.



Day 17

Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference... Christ! Here he comes again!



Day 18

He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!

[rock_26iin]

A farmer buys a Mercedes of the new E-class, from Three point motors. He is anoyed about the price of the extras that are not standard equipment.

A while later the director of Three point motors buys a cow from the same farmer for his hobby farm.



The farmer makes the following invoice:Invoice:



1 cow (standard version) baseprice $ 2.400 2 colours (Black/White) extra $ 150 Leather upholstery $ 100 Milkreservoir for summer and winter use $ 50 4 Milk taps @ $12,50 each $ 50 2 Bumpers, finished in Horn @ $ 17,50 $ 35 Fly swatter, semi automatic $ 30 Environmentally friendly exhaust catalist $ 60

All terrain and weather boots $ 100

Brake system 2 circuits (Legs front and rear) $ 400

Multi tone horn $ 135

Eyes, HALOGEN $ 150

Multiple fuel use possibility $ 1.250

------------

Total for cow as ordered $ 4.910

[CtrlAltDel]

:D resurrecting a fave thread with this joke:





They had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.



So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be rightback."



"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.



"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."



The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Belgium, Japan, India, etc.



The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop, but at the bar... you know... they have frozen glasses... "



He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.



The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but... at the bar... they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"



"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.



"But my sweet honey, at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that... "



"You want dirty words, cutie pie? LISTEN UP, _! DRINK YOUR FU**ING BEER IN YOUR GO_DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFU**ING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW. YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, A_SHOLE?"



And they lived happily ever after.





Now Isn't that a sweet story?

[Kenny]

good one, CAD... heard it bfore tho



Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son, for college admission. Accidently, he dropped the photograph to the floor of the bus.

When Santa tried to pick it up the photograph slipped under a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift your saree? I wanna take a photograph."

The rest is history.

He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him, in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him. He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he could stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay."

So Banta went to the next house and asked, "Do you have any grown-up daughters? I wanna stay for the night."

The rest is history.

[CtrlAltDel]

resurrecting an ol' fave thread:



BORED MAN'S CHAIN LETTER



This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!



Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.



Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose

name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the

bottom of the list.



When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.



At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine has already received 184

women, of whom four were worth keeping.



REMEMBER this chain brings luck.



One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.



An unmarried Spanish man living with his widowed mother was able to to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.



You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!



One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.



Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the bottom of the list below!



Bill Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



Billy Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



Billie Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



B. Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



William Jefferson Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



W. Jefferson Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



W. Jeff Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



W. J. Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



W. Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



William J Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



Wilhelm Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



Willie Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



Will Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



Mr. Hillary Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017



Mr. Slick Willie Clinton

780 3rd Ave

New York, NY 10017

[Jaan]

keeping the ball rolling...



A teacher was explaining her strict rules for missing the important test for next class.

"Unless you are on your death bed, I am not going to accept any fake and weak excuses such as I ran out of gas, I had to drop off my sister, I had a game to attend to, I forgot my pencil etc. for missing next week's exam."



A smart alec in the back of the room, raises his hand and says, "What if I can't come because I am EXTREMELY tired due to sexual satisfaction?"



The class laughs aloud, and everyone can see that this will be embarassing for the teacher. Undaunted and without blinking an eye, the teacher promptly replies, "You can still write with your other hand."

[CtrlAltDel]

rolling the ball some more....*



Insurance man Ray returns from the bar and tells his latest girlfriend that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ray asks for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.



About six hours later, the insurance man says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, she agrees and they do it again.



Later, as the insurance man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches her shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die?" She says, "Of

course, dear." And they make love for the third time.



After this session, she rolls over & falls asleep. the insurance man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps her, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could .?"



At this point the girlfriend sits up and yells, "Listen Raymond, I have to get up in the morning ... You don't."

[Sharjeel]

*a lil more roll added...



Mr. Sampson, a sixth grade science teacher asks his class, "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"



Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way.



"Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"



Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"



Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mr. Sampson.



"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."



"Very good, Sam. Thank you."



Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:



First, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework.



Second, you have a DIRTY mind.



And third, I fear one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."

[Jaan]

* throwing the ball across the river...ok maybe not that far...



A woman had three old daughters and each of them gets married on the same day. Each has her honeymoon on the same night in three different rooms in the house.

Since her daughters got married really late, the mother wants to make sure that everything is all right and she goes to the each door to hear everything is all right.

At the first daughter's door, she hears god awful screaming from her daughter. She is scared by this.

At the second door, she hears loud laughter from her daughter. She is puzzled by her behavior.

At the third door, she hears nothing. She is confused by no sound.



In the morning, she asks each of her daughter what happened and this is what she says, "Daughter, I heard screaming, why?"

"Well Mother, you taught us is it hurts then I should scream. And it hurt a lot last night."

"I heard laughing from your door, why girl?"

"Well Mother, you taught us to laugh if anything tickles, and it tickled a lot last night."

At last, she asks, "Child, I heard no voices from you, is everything ok?"

The third daughter replies, "Well Mother, you taught us not to talk with my mouth full."



Jaan

[Lucifer]

Et tu Jaan?

[Habitual Perfectionist]

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."



Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:



"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"



Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'



This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.



A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.



"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."



The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"

[Jaan]

Et tu Jaan?

Bole to? What?



Jaan

[CtrlAltDel]

2 middle-aged unmarried sisters were running a fairly successful drug-store. one morning a man in obvious discomfort comes up to their shop and says "i need help. when i woke up this morning....dunno wat went wrong...my erection's not going away....i think i somehow got a permanent erection. what can you give me for this?"



the sisters excuse themselves and disappear in the back room for a minute. then they come out and one of the ladies tells him: "ok...we can give you 50% partnership in this business, a car and board n lodge free in our flat"



***********************



little Girl: "Mommy is it true that babies come out from where boys put their "things" in...?"



Mom, taken aback: "why...y.y.yes dear?"



little Girl: "but wudn't the baby break my teeth, coming out?"

[Lucifer]

Bole to? What?

Jaan

Kuch khaas nahi... had nothing to post and had this great urge to still do so!

[CtrlAltDel]

One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the usual lengthy round of "Good Nights," she went upstairs.



Immediately, all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each

others shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy's turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see

in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was doing.



After a minute or two he hollered down, "She's taking off her blouse!" and this was echoed down the stack "taking off her blouse," "she's taking off her blouse," "blouse is coming off," "taking off her blouse," etc.



Next Grumpy yelled, "She's taking off her skirt," which was followed by the echoes "taking off her skirt," "she's taking off her skirt," "skirt's coming off," "taking off her skirt," etc.



Of course the next line from Grumpy was, "She's taking off her bra!" and the echo chorus went down the line.



Then, "She's taking off her panties!" which again cascaded down the dwarf tower.



Finally, Grumpy looked around and from his vantage height saw someone coming through the woods, so he yelled, "Someone's coming!"



And from the next dwarf down to the bottom dwarf was heard, "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too."