Humor...or something like it.

[ycr007]

[CtrlAltDel]

JEEEZUS!!!!!



There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:

1. He called everyone "brother"

2. He liked Gospel

3. He couldn't get a fair trial.



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.

2. He lived at home until he was 33.

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion.



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been

Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.



But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus could have

been a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.



**************************



The elderly couple walked into the doctor's office and said, "Sonny, we just met a few days ago, and we have a special request. We'd like you to

watch us make love." The doctor thought that was odd, but he agreed. The couple took off their clothes and went at it on an examining table. When they were through, the doctor said, "I didn't see anything unusual. In fact, You've both got great stamina for your age." The couple thanked him and left.

To the doctor's surprise, they arrived for another appointment and made the same request. The doctor again told them they were fine. But when they came back a third week, the doctor said, "I think you're both being overly cautious. There's no need for you to come here to make love."

The elderly man said, "Yes, there is, Sonny. You see, we're both married to other people, so we can't screw at home. A motel room is $50. You only

charge $40, and Medicare covers 80% of that!"

-----------------------------------------

[Arti]

The Best and Happy way to Good Health



Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?



A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Cheers! Bottoms up!



Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?



A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?



A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good



Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?



A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?



Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?



A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



Q: Is chocolate bad for me?



A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!



Q: Is swimming good for your figure?



A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?



A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - a samosa in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!"

[ycr007]

Here are some less-known facts about Bruce Lee.............



1. Favorite vegetable

* Mu Lee

2. Favourite Lunch

* Tha Lee

3. What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?

* Kha Lee

4. Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?

* Saa Lee

5. Favorite Breakfast

* Id Lee

6. Favourite festival

* Diwa Lee

7. Favorite Actress

* Sona Lee

8. Favorite Music

* Qawa Lee

9. Most interesting job?

* Coo Lee

10. When did Bruce Lee die?

* Fina Lee

11. How did Bruce Lee die?

* With a Go Lee

12. Favorite hill station

* Kulu Mana Lee

13. Nick name?

* Mawa Lee

14. Favorite Hindi movie?

* Gharwa Lee Baharwa Lee

15. Favourite cricketer?

* Saurav Gangu Lee

16. Favourite Pet

* Bil Lee

[ycr007]

Bihar Driving License...

=======================

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM



NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.

He will give you the licen.





For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.





1. Last name:



(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no



(Check karet box)



2. First name:



(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Other



(Check karet box)



3. Age:



(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no



(Check karet box)



4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable



5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right



6.Occupason:



(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_)

Un-employed



(Check karet box)



7. Number of children libing in the household: ___



8. Number that are yours: ___



9. Mather name: _____________ __________



10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)



11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)



12. Dental rekard:



(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other

-__________ Give egjhakt color



(Check karet box)



13.Your thumb imparesson :

____________________________



(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do

not copy thumb impression also. Please

provide your own thumb impression.)



PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS



Use th! umb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht

hand,

use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use

thumb on lepht hand.



NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.



WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

[CtrlAltDel]

A gay man, Raj, died and went to heaven. At the Great Gate Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Peter decided to let him in. "Follow me." he said, opening the gate and walking in.



After some walk, Saint Peter's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something Raj just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.



Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you'll go straight to hell! Follow me, we're almost there."



After some more Peter dropped his keys again, and again, Raj jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but decided to give Raj one last chance.



Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay Raj, having no self control jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends Raj straight to hell.



A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off.



"Why is it so cold down here?" Peter asks.



"Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.

[Arti]

Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby

in One month.



Developer is a Person who thinks a single woman cannot deliver a

baby in nine months.



Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine

babies in one month.



Client is one who knows that it takes a man, a woman & nine months

to deliver a baby.



Marketing manager is a person who thinks I can deliver a child

whether a man and woman is available or not.



Resource optimisation team thinks I dont want man or woman, i'll

still produce a child with zero resources.



Documentation team will think I dont care how a child is delivered,

i'll just document 9 months.

[Arti]

A man and a woman, who had never met before,found themselves

assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental

train.



Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,

the two

were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and

she in

the lower.



At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the

woman,saying, ??



"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind

enough to reach

into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully

cold."



"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why

don't we

pretend that we're married."



"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.



"Good," she replies. "Get up and get your own damn

blanket.!!"

[CtrlAltDel]

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!



Thorn throws a Halloween party for all his really weird friends.



Thorn opens the door, and there is Curly David in just his boxer shorts.



"Well, its fancy dress isn't it?" inquires Curly David.



"Yes," Thorn replies, "but where's your costume?"



"This is it. I'm a Premature Ejaculation. I've just come in my shorts."



Next to the door was Jill and Myrddin, both in nothing but brown paint all over thier bodies.



"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asks Thorn.



Myrddin pipes up, "We're dressed as Hershey bars, one with nuts, one without nuts."



Next is Wild Erich, completely naked except he had a large flower vase slid over his manhood.



"What the hell kind of costume is that?" asks the host.



"I am a fire alarm," Erich replied. "In case of fire break the glass, pull twice, and I come."



Next is the Futhman. Futhman is naked, wearing roller skates.



"So, what the devil are you?" Thorn inquires.



Futhman speaks up, "I am a pull toy."



Next up the walk is Gary, naked with a kitchen frying pan tied around his waist to cover his manly bulge.



"This is too obviously...Peter Pan!" exclaims Papa Thorn.



Next, Dean shows up with nothing on but a young naked woman on his back.



"So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the Thorn asked.



"I'm a snail." Dean replies.



"What a load!" Thorn spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that young naked woman on your back?"



"You've got it wrong," he replies. "That's Michelle."



Next up the sidewalk comes Ernie, and a lady in a stained blue dress with a Monica Lewinski mask. Ernie is all covered in a round brown casing. When Thorn asks, Ernie explains, "My lady and I were discussing our Halloween costumes tonight. She wanted to go as Monica Lewinsky. So I'm going as the cigar."



Finally up the walk comes Auschef, painted all red except for his manhood, which was painted black. Papa Thorn invites him inside, asking what he may be.



"I'm a stick of dynamite," Auschef snarls!



At that, everyone starts screaming and running for the doors! Thorn grabs the Wubbie and asks what is the problem is. Wubs, in a panic, trying to pull away, yells, "Run!! Didn't you see how small his fuse is?"

[Red Combat]

A grade one teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.It's hard to believe these were actually done by grade one kids ("6" >year-olds)!



Strike while the ..........................insect is close.

Never underestimate the power of............ants.

Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.

Better to be safe than......................punch a grade 7 boy.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.

It's always darkest before..................Daylight-Saving Time.

You can lead a horse to water but...........how?

No news is..................................impossible.

A miss is as good as a......................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new..............maths.

Love all, trust.............................me.

The pen is mightier than the................pigs.

An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.

Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.

A penny saved is............................not much.

Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..........you have to blow your nose.

There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not.............smacked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you......see in the picture on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.

And the favourite: Better late than............................pregnant!

[Red Combat]

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him: - "Daddy, what's sex?".

"OK!" He thinks...this day was bound to come, and I am not going to let my little princess learn about Sex from the streets.

He sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.

He tells her about puberty, menstruation, sexual intercourse, conception, sperms and eggs.



Then she asks:- "Daddy, what is "A Couple?"

He carries on: a couple are the two people involved in sex, but this can be two males also, or two females which we call lesbians, and goes on to describe sex, pornography, etc...



The father finally asks:- "So why did you want to know about "a couple" and "Sex"?

"Oh, mummy said lunch will be ready in a couple of secs..."



LESSONS



1.Learn to listen carefully.

2.Do not hesitate to ask questions.

3.Assumptions are the mother of all *@#* ups.



Understand the clients needs/context before you rattle off your sales pitch.

The fastest draw from the holster does NOT fetch orders....

[Red Combat]

"Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:





1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.



3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.



4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management



5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.



6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.



7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).



8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.



10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.



11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.



12: I've run away to join a different circus.





AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :





13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

[Red Combat]

Ek Peshaal Chai

[ycr007]

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.... After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help.



The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down & wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs.



So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back & goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up & drives them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.



The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud.



'No,' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.'

[CtrlAltDel]

In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?" The little girl says, "Forty." The teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." The teacher says, "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can I get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old are you?" The little girl says, "I'm seven years old." The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."

The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."



****************************************************



A man was one day who was sinking in quicksand. A young fellow walks by and the man screams out," Hey! Help get me out of this quicksand!!!"



The fellow looks at the guy and says"Will you suck my di*k?"



The man replies," UUUGH, NO!" So the fellow kicks him in the head, and the man sinks a little deeper.



Later on, another dude walks by...and the man screams again,"Hey! Help get me out of this quicksand!!! I'll do anything!" The dude looks at the man and asks "Will you suck my di*k?"



The man replies as before..." UUUGH, NO WAY!" So the dude kicks the man in the head, and he sinks a little deeper.



Just before the man is totally consumed by the quicksand, he sees another man walking near by, so he yells out," HELP! Get me out of this quicksand, and I'll do anything...Even suck your di*k!"



The man walks over to him kicks his head, and says "Die! you faggot!"

**********************************************

[CtrlAltDel]

Who says men don't remember anniversaries?



A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.



She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him

sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.



She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"



The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband paused.



The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"



"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun

in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"



"I remember that too" she replied softly.



He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......"I would have gotten out today."

[Arti]

There is this good old barber in some city in the US. One day a florist

goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay but the

barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am

doing community service." The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next

morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you

card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.





A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber

after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from

you. I am doing community service. "The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you

card and a dozen doughnuts waiting at his door.





An Indian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay

the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot

accept money from you. I am doing community service." The Indian software

engineer is happy and leaves.

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he

finds there... Can you guess?

















Do you know the answer yet?



























Come on, think like a Indian....





























A dozen Indians waiting for a haircut........

[CtrlAltDel]

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A Jack," says the kid.

********************

Man's Answers To Every Question A Woman Ever Asks



1. Why are men such jerks?

It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a

male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.



2. Why do men always have to ogle other women?

Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides,

women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack

this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.



3. Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?

We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus. An addendum: Watching the woman ur with to fidget is an added bonus!



4. Why do men always say such stupid things?

We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.



5. Why are men so uncommunicative?

You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.



6. Why can't men just share their feelings?

Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to

figure out how I feel.



7. Why can't men cuddle more (ie, lie down and hug)?

Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you

as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam...Starve

in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.



8. How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?

Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.



9. Why can't men just say "I LOVE YOU?"

Men are taught from a tender young age to be self sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.



10. Why do men say "I LOVE YOU" when they hardly know me?

Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to have sex with girls. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.



11. Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?

We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your

questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.

addendum: Sometimes a simple nod of the head *IS* an answer, too!!



12. Why won't men ever pick up their things and keep the room clean?

Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know

darn well you'll pick it up.



13. What's with all the belching and farting?

This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.



14. Why do men hate shopping?

It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err...... buying? I HAVE TO REALLY AGREE WITH THIS! WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. MONEY too, if it can

be hunted!!

[CtrlAltDel]

The administration of this particular elementary school decided to start a policy on which words were banned "bad" words in the premises. Among those initiated to the category was "suck" (of corz, when not referring to the principle of suction).



One day a child came up to the teacher to inform her that one of the other students had said a bad word.



"What was the bad word he said?" asked the teacher.



"I can't say it."



"It's okay to tell me; you won't get in trouble for it."



"No, it's too bad, I don't want to say it."



"Well I have to know what he said in order to punish him. Can you tell me what it is without saying it?"



"Well... it rhymes with 'fu*k'."

[CtrlAltDel]

The administration of this particular elementary school decided to start a policy on which words were banned "bad" words in the premises. Among those initiated to the category was "suck" (of corz, when not referring to the principle of suction).



One day a child came up to the teacher to inform her that one of the other students had said a bad word.



"What was the bad word he said?" asked the teacher.



"I can't say it."



"It's okay to tell me; you won't get in trouble for it."



"No, it's too bad, I don't want to say it."



"Well I have to know what he said in order to punish him. Can you tell me what it is without saying it?"



"Well... it rhymes with 'fu*k'."

[CtrlAltDel]

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover his female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd bitch.



The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.



"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this."



"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"

*************************************************



It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old RICH man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"



He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."



The following year the young bride gave birth again.



The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"



He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."



The same thing happened the next year.



The nurse just said, "Well, well, well....!!!"



He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."



The nurse then replied, "Well, you had better change the engine oil. This one's black!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Jackal]

Finally you resurrected the thread CAD.Looks to me you still havnt lost your touch.

[CtrlAltDel]

Looks to me you still havnt lost your touch.

i never do...

[akhilis2cool]

Frog 1: Ribbid



Frog 2: Ribbid



Frog 1: Ribbid Ribbid



Frog 2: Ribbid Ribbid



Frog 1: Ribbid Ribbid Ribbid



Frog 2: Ribbid Ribbid Ribbid



Frog 1: Prrrrrrfht



Frog 2: Damn Dont change the topic.

[CtrlAltDel]

Bob was doing a study testing the senses of primary school kids using a bowl of toffees. He gave all the children the same kind of toffees one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor.



The children began to say;



"Red...................cherry",

"Yellow..............lemon",

"Green................lime",

"Orange..............orange"



Finally Bob gave them all honey flavored toffees.



After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify

the taste.



"Well", he said "I'll give you all a clue, it's what your mother may call your father at times".



One little girl looked up in horror, spit her toffee out and yelled: "Oh My God!!!! They're _"!!!

***************************************



An Army colonel was reviewing the troops. One man he passed sported an enormous erection.



"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave."



"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.



A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate

home leave," the Colonel barked.



A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate

home leaves?"



"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.



"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.



The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

**************************************