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by mark » Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:03 pm

CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:
The Jackal wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
The Jackal wrote:Chi chi chi........CAD you are losing your touch.You posted the same joke in the same thread before.
did i? :?

mental note: stock up on Memory Plus
Yeah you did.

fairness to CAD, he has over 10000 posts here, and there's only so many ways you can arrange the words of the english language. it's like having 10000000000000000 monkeys messing with typewriters for 1000000000000000 years, eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare, with a brilliantly illuminating foreword and summary to each play/sonnet, signed by every monkey.
somehow i dont like that ^^^ example... :?




yeah i should have said "eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare twice" :P
While one who sings with his tongue on fire Gargles in the rat race choir Bent out of shape from society's pliers Cares not to come up any higher But rather get you down in the hole that he's in
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by CtrlAltDel » Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:13 pm

mark wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:
The Jackal wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
The Jackal wrote:Chi chi chi........CAD you are losing your touch.You posted the same joke in the same thread before.
did i? :?

mental note: stock up on Memory Plus
Yeah you did.

fairness to CAD, he has over 10000 posts here, and there's only so many ways you can arrange the words of the english language. it's like having 10000000000000000 monkeys messing with typewriters for 1000000000000000 years, eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare, with a brilliantly illuminating foreword and summary to each play/sonnet, signed by every monkey.
somehow i dont like that ^^^ example... :?
yeah i should have said "eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare twice" :P
:lol: :lol: :lol:



a**h**** :lol:
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings :roll:
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me :D
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by mark » Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:26 pm

CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:
The Jackal wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
The Jackal wrote:Chi chi chi........CAD you are losing your touch.You posted the same joke in the same thread before.
did i? :?

mental note: stock up on Memory Plus
Yeah you did.

fairness to CAD, he has over 10000 posts here, and there's only so many ways you can arrange the words of the english language. it's like having 10000000000000000 monkeys messing with typewriters for 1000000000000000 years, eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare, with a brilliantly illuminating foreword and summary to each play/sonnet, signed by every monkey.
somehow i dont like that ^^^ example... :?
yeah i should have said "eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare twice" :P
:lol: :lol: :lol:

a**h**** :lol:




hey, there's an extra star in that _! unless that was supposed to be "_" followed by a graphic depiction of an _. in which case, yuck!
While one who sings with his tongue on fire Gargles in the rat race choir Bent out of shape from society's pliers Cares not to come up any higher But rather get you down in the hole that he's in
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by akhilis2cool » Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:43 pm

mark wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
mark wrote:
The Jackal wrote:
CtrlAltDel wrote:
The Jackal wrote:Chi chi chi........CAD you are losing your touch.You posted the same joke in the same thread before.
did i? :?

mental note: stock up on Memory Plus
Yeah you did.

fairness to CAD, he has over 10000 posts here, and there's only so many ways you can arrange the words of the english language. it's like having 10000000000000000 monkeys messing with typewriters for 1000000000000000 years, eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare, with a brilliantly illuminating foreword and summary to each play/sonnet, signed by every monkey.
somehow i dont like that ^^^ example... :?
yeah i should have said "eventually they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare twice" :P
:lol: :lol: :lol:

a**h**** :lol:


hey, there's an extra star in that _! unless that was supposed to be "_" followed by a graphic depiction of an _. in which case, yuck!
I guess he is talking abt. the monkeys...
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
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by ycr007 » Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:40 pm

Imagine What a Software Engineer Would Do in Jail:

Image
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by ycr007 » Fri Apr 22, 2005 12:38 pm

Man coming home very tired after work. His wife tells him that the shower is not working.Man replies, "I am not a plumber. Just call the plumber"



Next day Man coming home very tired Wife tells him that the cupboard door has broken and needs to be replaced. Man replies "I am not a carpenter. Call the Carpenter"



Third day.Man coming home very tired from work Wife says, "Honey the work is done. The young boy from the neighborhood came and did the work for me. He repaired the cupboard door and now the shower is also working. "



Man says, "Good ... did he charge anything?"



Wife replies "No. He did it on one condition that I either sleep with him for one night OR Bake a nice cake for him"



Man says, "well did you bake the cake then?"



Women replies "I am not a baker..................."
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by ycr007 » Fri Apr 22, 2005 12:48 pm

New postPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:59 pm Post subject: Reply with quote Report this post to ThinkDigit Moderators / Admins.

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door



by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this



morning on the phone."



Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he



could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side



of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without



breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both



house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I



got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire.



When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the



store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the damn phone was ringing its



head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change,



and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels -



the phone is still ringing-when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made



me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit



the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer



it. It was your wife -- she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.



Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"





------------------------------------------





Man coming home very tired after work. His wife tells him that the shower is not working.

Man replies, "I am not a plumber. Just call the plumber"



Next day

Man coming home very tired Wife tells him that the cupboard door has broken and needs to be



replaced. Man replies "I am not a carpenter. Call the Carpenter"



Third day

Man coming home very tired from work Wife says, "Honey the work is done. The young boy from

the neighborhood came and did the work for me. He repaired the cupboard door and now the

shower is also working. "



Man says, "Good ... did he charge anything?"



Wife replies "No. He did it on one condition that I either sleep

with him for one night OR Bake a nice cake for him"



Man says, "well did you bake the cake then?"



Women replies "I am not a baker..................."





------------------------------------------



Late night



A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to

the store he finds out however, that it's closed. So the guy ends up going down

to the local bar to use the vending machine. While there, he had a few beers

and began talking to this beautiful girl.



He had a few more beers and the next thing he knew he was in this girl's

apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knew it was 3:00 AM.



"Oh my, god , my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some

talcum powder!"



She got him some and he rubbed it all over his hands. When he got home his

wife was up waiting for him and she was furious. "Where the hell have you

been!"



He said, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went

home with a blonde and I slept with her."



"Let me see your hands!" she demanded. He showed his wife his powdery

hands. "Damn liar, You were out bowling again!"
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by ycr007 » Fri Apr 22, 2005 12:53 pm

There is a general feeling in the public that IIT students are found unassumingly lost in thought almost all the time. And girls fare no better in this respect. So let us see what a Non IITian may face when he marries a girl from this campus.



SCENE: First night of the marriage.



CHARACTERS: IIT Bride and Non IIT Groom.



The Groom approaches the Bride and proposes to kiss her. So let

us see what would be her reaction...



GIRL FROM DEPT OF PHYSICS:

Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me or with respect to you. First define how you are going to kiss. You can kiss me by treating me in the same reference frame as you are or treating me in a different inertial frame by producing waves of motion through your lips. How do you prefer?



The guy faints





GIRL FROM DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:

Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the following conditions :

Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance delta where delta is greater than zero and the limit for delta tends to zero and you satisfy the closure property.

Sufficient conditions: You should have lips. Where the number

of lips is neither more than two nor less than two. You can also

kiss by defining your hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the

above conditions.



The guy goes mad.



GIRL FROM Computer Science:

You want to kiss me. That is fine I assume that you know the algorithm for that very well. But you have to complete the process within 56.22 seconds or else connection will be timed out. To optimize the timing lets do parallel processing. As we have to discuss about our future and other things, let us do the process of discussion foreground and why can't you put the process of Kissing background?



The guy applies for divorce.





GIRL from Electronics Engineering:

So you would like to kiss me. The process of kissing is an age old communication process. The information content of the signal transmitted from one pair of lips to the other is more if the probability of the event (of kissing) is less. Hence take care. If you want a successful communication between us, you should kiss me less often. If the information content is to be infinite, you should never kiss me at all!



The guy is found hanging from fan next day.
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by akhilis2cool » Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:59 pm

Why propose kissing in the first place?...
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
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by ycr007 » Fri Apr 22, 2005 7:42 pm

akhilis2cool wrote:Why propose kissing in the first place?...




U Suggest Starting Right away? :twisted:
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by Sharjeel » Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:50 pm

Nek kaam ko deri kyun?





The funny pic for today:

Image
"Consequences, shmonsequences! So long as I'm rich!" - Daffy Duck.
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:02 am

A mailman walked down the street and saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of shit, had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.



The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said, "Making a Mailman".



This pissed the mailman off, he went up the street and saw a fireman. He told the fireman what the boy was doing and what a smart ass the kid was, the fireman said that he would have a talk with the boy.



The fireman walked up to Little Johnny and asked him what was he doing playing in pile of shit, Johhny looked up and said, "Making a Fireman."



This pissed the fireman off, he left to tell a cop. The cop said that he would have a talk with the boy. The cop asked Little Johnny, "What are you doing, playing with a pile of shit?"



Little Johnny looked up and said nothing.



The cop said, "You told the mailman and the fireman that you were making a fireman and a mailman, why don't you tell me that you are making a cop."



Little Johnny looked up and without a grin said, "I ain't got enough shit"
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:05 am

Real 911 Calls



Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What's the

nature of your

emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only

two minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband









Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out

of breath. Darn ... I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. mooo! ......

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you

an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started

having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the police.
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:08 am

The problems with GIRLS:



If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her;



If u Don't, she says u are PROUD.



If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;



If u Don't, she says u are from CHENNAI.



If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;



If u keep QUIET,! she says u have no BRAINS.



If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE;



If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.



If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;



If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)



If u don't make love with her., she says! u don't Love her;



If u do!! she says u are CHEAP.



If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME;



If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.



If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;



If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u.



If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;



If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.



If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;



If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLELADY.



If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;



If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.



If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;



If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!



& sooo hard to please!!!!!



If u send this to girls, they will swear that it's not true.......



but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....



The moral of the story is.......SEND THIS TO GIRLS OUT THERE ANYWAY...

Send



it to boys also, gives them some laughter ...



Words to remember for a while



Boys are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.



The girls don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of





falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that

are



on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy.



So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them,



when in reality, they are amazing.



That is why we just have to be a little patient and the right girl, the

one



who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:09 am

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on

> > the floor?

> > CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

> >

> > TEACHER: George can you count up to 5?

> > George count up to 5 slowly using his Fingers.

> > TEACHER: Good, now can you count any higher?

> > George put up his hand and count to five again using

> > his fingers.

> >

> > TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

> > JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

> > TEACHER: No, that's wrong

> > JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell

> > it!

> >

> > TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

> > SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

> > TEACHER: What are you talking about?

> > SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

> >

> > TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North

> > America.

> > GEORGE: Here it is!

> > TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered

> > America?

> > CLASS: George!

> >

> > TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have

> > today that we didn't

> > have

> > ten years ago.

> > WILLY: Me!

> >

> > TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

> > TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you

> > are.

> >

> > TEACHER: Why are you late?

> > WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

> > TEACHER: What sign?

> > WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

> >

> > SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

> > FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

> > SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

> >

> > TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.

> > SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't

> > have feet.

> >

> > TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by

> > biting insects?

> > JOSE: Don't bite any.

> >

> > TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with

> > "I".

> > ELLEN: I is...

> > TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

> > ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the

> > alphabet."

> >

> > MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I

> > gave you?

> > JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

> >

> > TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and

> > eight oranges in the

> > other,

> > what would I have?

> > CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:15 am

Three guys died and when they got to the Heaven's

gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know

that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before

I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You

have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big,

what kind of car you get will depend on your answer."



The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How

long were you married?"



The first guy says, "24 years."



"Did you ever cheat on your wife?", Peter asked. The guy

said, "Yeah, 7 times...but you said I was forgiven."



Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Chevrolet to

drive."



The second guy walks up and gets the same question from

Peter.



The second guy said, "I was married for 41 years and cheated

on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked

it out good."



Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Rolls Royce"



The 3rd guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're

going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look

at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"



Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Ferrari!"



A few days later, the 2 guys with the Rolls and the Chevrolet

saw the guy with the Ferrari crying on the golden sidewalk.

When they asked the guy with the Ferrari what was wrong, he

said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a bicycle!"
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:19 am

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all

day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he

couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring

voice that said:



"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to

sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.

And you're single. Let it go..."



But invariably the other voice would bring him back to

reality:



"Dave, you're a vet..."
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:21 am

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always

wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the

newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes

across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on

it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint

condition. He inquires about it with the owner.



"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me

how you keep it in such good shape.



"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure

that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub

Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In

fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of

Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the

buyer a tube of Vaseline.



The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He

takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic

(being a Harley fan).



That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his

girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going

to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When

the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her

boyfriend's arm.



"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my

parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk.

In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do

the dishes."



"No problem," he says. And in they go.



The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the

living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family

room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs,

dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.



As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take

advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his

girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over

and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still

they keep quiet.



So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and

they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says

a word.



"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his

girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the

dinner table. Again, total silence.



Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend

realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take

care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his

pocket.



Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all

right! I'll do the damn dishes!!!!!!!!
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:26 am

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.



On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!



The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"



A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"



The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's two weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"



Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"



With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's"
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:30 am

General Musharraf, Vajpayee, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting

in a train.



The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark.



Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!



The train comes out of the tunnel.



The woman and girl are sitting there looking perplexed.



Vajpayee is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent

slap.



The old woman is thinking: Vajpayee must have tried to kiss that girl and

has got slapped.



Vajpayee is thinking: "Damn it, Musharraf must have tried to kiss the

girl,she thought it was me and slapped me."



The girl is thinking: "Vajpayee must have moved to kiss me, and kissed

Musharraf instead and got slapped."



Musharraf is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could

make another kissing sound and slap Vajpayee again."
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by ycr007 » Sun May 15, 2005 12:45 am

There was this young man, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.

The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.



One day, from around the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in four months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal quality. She rowed her boat towards him.



In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from? How did you get here"?

She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank."



"Amazing", he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You must have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you."

"It is only me", she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up, nothing else did."



"Well then", said the man, "how did you get the rowboat?"

"I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island," replied the woman. "The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."



"But, but," asked the man, "what about tools and hardware, how did you do that?"

"Oh, no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that, where do you live?"



At last the man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach.

"Well, let's row over to my place", she said. So they both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.



The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.



"It's not much," she said, "but I call it home. Would you like to have a drink?"

"No," said the man, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."

"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still, how about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.



After a while, and they had exchanged their stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"

"No", the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship".

"Well, if you would like to shave, there is a man's razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."



The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bath room. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down stairs.



"You look great," said the woman. "I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable." After a short time, she returned wearing fig leafs strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.



"Tell me," she asked, "we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and woman need. Something that it would be really nice to have right now."



"Yes there is," the man replied, as he moved closer to the woman while fixing a winsome gaze upon her, "You mean you actually figured out some way to make an Internet connection?"
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by rock_26iin » Thu May 19, 2005 12:20 pm

/*C Program to Propose a girl*/



#include<STD ISD PCO.h>

#include<love.h>

#define Cute beautiful_lady

main()

{

goto college;

scanf("100%",&ladies);

if(lady ==Cute )

line++;

while( !reply )

{

printf("I Love U");

scanf("100%",&reply);

}

if(reply == "GAALI")

main(); /* go back and repeat the process */

else if(reply == "SANDAL ")

exit(1);



else if(reply == "I Love U")

{

lover =Cute ;

love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));

}

goto restaurant;

restaurant:

{

food++;

smile++;

pay->money = lover->money;

return(college);

}

if(time==2.30)

goto cinema;

cinema:

{

watch++;

if(intermission)

{

coke++;

Popecorn++;

}

}

if(time ==6.00)

goto park;

park:

{

for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)

kiss = kiss+1;

}

free(lover);

return(home);

if(time ==9.30)

goto pub;

pub:

{

friends++;

party++;

booze++;

smoke++;

if(pub.close())

{

pay->bill;

come->out;

}

}

if (highly->intoxicated)

goto friendsroom;

else

{

sweetpan++;

polo++;

goto home;

}

friendsroom:

{

goto sleep;

}

home:

{

if(mom.shouts())

{

reason=(combinedstudy || projectwork ||

friendsbday);

say->reason;

}

if(dad.shouts())

shut->yourmouth;

call->lover;

if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice ||

lover_mom->voice))

{

hang++;

}

else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)

{

for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)

{

say->ILuvU;

scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I Love U" already

stored in reply */

}

}

goto sleep;

}

sleep:

{

*(dream)=love;

}

}
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
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by Sharjeel » Fri May 27, 2005 8:19 pm

Taken from Maddox:



Attention women: until your farts start smelling like cinnamon buns, quit bitching.

I'm tired of women bitching when guys fart. Farting around a woman is like listening to a radio permanently stuck on the wailing bitch station: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FARTED." Yeah it's real hard to believe that guys have the ability to let out air from their colons, call Ripley.

Women shriek non-stop about how bad guys stink when they fart, then they act like they fart sunshine and kittens from their _ when they rip one. Women farts smell like old men:

Not only is the elusive potpourri poop-chute a myth, a woman's fart is embarrassing whereas a guy's fart is something to behold, like a fine wine you swish in your mouth and spit out to savor the flavors. A real fart is beefy, has a density greater than or equal to the air surrounding it, consists of the unmistakable scent of broccoli, and usually requires wiping afterwards. When a woman farts, it can best be described as "efficient." The sound is a modest toot; a minimalistic, almost innocent sounding release. A true testament to the jumbled bundle of neurons that goes into mapping every woman's brain to her _. The efficiency comes from the ratio of reek to weak (how bad her fart smells in proportion to how weak-sounding it was).

The farting double-standard is bullshit. Women giggle and put their hand up to their mouths, as if to say "oops! I'm cute!" No bitch, you're not cute. Your shit stinks. Either fart loud and deny it, or don't fart at all. Leave the farting to men, at least we know how to get the job done.
"Consequences, shmonsequences! So long as I'm rich!" - Daffy Duck.
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by akhilis2cool » Sat May 28, 2005 9:56 am

Muahahahahahaaaaa :lol:
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
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God!
God!
 
Posts: 11476
Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:43 pm
Location: Camp Swampy

by ycr007 » Tue May 31, 2005 6:37 pm

SOME OF YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN "SEEDHI BAAT" WITH PRABHU CHAWLA ON AAJ TAK.



Following is the EXAMPLE of EXCELLENT CREATIVE WRITING :



TEDI SI BAAT WITH RAVANA



Prabhu Jhootwala proudly presents his first interview with a long forgotten
legend.


Ram Ram, Ravanji. It's a great pleasure meeting you. Can you tell us a few
words about yourself for the benefit of our dumb readers?


Ravan: Long before Dawood Ibrahim, when the world was lusting for an

underworld don, I decided to fill the void. I chose Lanka as my joint. And

did everything that a good don must do. I amassed wealth. Built a swanky

palace. Bumped off those who deserved to die. Ensured my boys never felt

the pinch of wine or women. And also acted as a godfather for my silly

siblings who never for one moment felt ashamed to pile on to me.



How did your parents react to your move? Did they clap with glee when they
heard that you're going to be the dada of demons?


Ravan: Not exactly. To put it mildly, my parents died a hundred deaths when

they heard of my decision. All their life, they wanted me to be a god

fearing achcha bachcha. And here I was bent on crushing their dreams.

Initially I felt bad. But then I told myself kuch paaney key liye kuch

khona padta hai. Anyways, to address their concerns, I acquired a

goodie-goodie bharatiya naari called Mandodari as my wife.



I would like to digress here and ask you a doubt that has plagued me all my
life. When you sneeze, how would you know which of your 10 heads, let out
that sneeze?


Ravan: Well, that's a tricky one. Years ago, a pesky reporter named

Valmiki, asked me the same question. Well, all I can say is that, I go by

the seventh law of common sense. Which is - he who has a wet moustache is

always guilty of a sneeze!



Talking of common sense, why the hell did you make the mistake of
kidnapping Sita, wife of Lord Ram?


Ravan (angry): This is a huge slander campaign that's been going on for

ages. That bloke Valmiki started it all. If I were alive, I would slap a

defamation suit on anyone who makes such a dubious charge. The truth is, I

was on a wild safari in some god-forsaken jungle in India. I found this

beautiful woman helplessly all alone in a little hut surrounded by all

kinds of beasts. The chivalrous me, decided to help her out. So I offered

her a lift. I took her to the nearest civilization, on my flying limousine.

The nearest civilization happened to be Lanka. But then her brother-in-law

created such a ruckus that the world thought I was kidnapping her. This is

what happens when you go out of the way to help a woman.



You expect us to believe that yarn? If all you did were to provide a safe
haven to Sita, Lord Ram would have hugged you as his long lost buddy. But
instead he waged a war against you. What do you say for that?


Ravan: Not all wars are fought for a just cause. Look at what George Bush

did. He attacked Iraq citing Weapons of Mass Destruction. And when he won

the war, he could not even find a single shred of evidence to back his

hypothesis. That's what happened in my case. Ram assumed I kidnapped his

wife. He presumed I harassed her. And he launched a bloody war based on

that premise. He wiped out a whole country and went back with the halo of a

god. If this incident had happened today, I would have had the wholehearted

support of human rights organizations across the world. Ram would have been

condemned as a war criminal by Amnesty International. People would have

taken to the streets in London. Arundhati Roy would have written a book

about me. Shekhar Kapoor would have made a movie on me.



Lord Ram gave you a chance. He sent a messenger in the form of Hanuman. You
could have explained your story and made peace with him. Why didn't you do
that?


Ravan: Look I don't wish to hurt anyone's religious sentiments. But I would

like to ask you one thing. What kind of a man sends a monkey as a

negotiator? How would Gorbachev have reacted if Reagan had sent a monkey

for the peace talks? How do you expect me, the great Ravan, to speak to a

monkey about my side of the story? So I didn't even bother.



The way you're talking, I get this feeling you're a saint. But the world
thinks you're a sinner. How are you going to correct this impression?


Ravan: I am no saint. I don't want that title. I don't even mind being

called a sinner. But what irks me the most is this campaign of calumny to

project me as a pervert. As a first step to fight this image problem, I

would like to issue a statement, Mr. Jhootwala. 'Read my lips, I stole

nobody's wife. I just did her a favour.'



Another charge against you, Ravanji, is your so-called mighty army lost to
an army of monkeys. How do you react to that?


Ravan: Anything that I say against monkeys may backfire on me. Maneka

Gandhi and her band of animal activists will be up in arms. I don't wish to

do or say anything that will hurt my image further.



Any unfulfilled dreams?

Ravan: I always wanted to be the brand ambassador for Head & Shoulders

shampoo.



What is your message to the youth of the country?

Ravan: I have only one message ? Never have 10 heads if you have a dandruff problem.
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