Some interesting phobias:
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing
Uranophobia or Ouranophobia- Fear of heaven.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating
Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia- Fear of hair. (Chaetophobia, Hypertrichophobia)
Triskaidekaphobia- Fear of the number 13.
Coprophobia- Fear of feces
Androphobia- Fear of men
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting.
Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity.
Gynephobia or Gynophobia- Fear of women.
Genophobia- Fear of sex
and the grand finale:
Fear of long words - Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
Humor...or something like it.
Moderator: The Moderator Team
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
-
rock_26iin - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 6111
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:42 pm
- Location: L0ST !N $PACE
Is There a Santa Claus?
No known species of reindeer can fly. But, there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer that only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle most Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total, 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload, not even counting the weight of the sleigh to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the cruise ship Queen Elizabeth II.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now
No known species of reindeer can fly. But, there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer that only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle most Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total, 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload, not even counting the weight of the sleigh to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the cruise ship Queen Elizabeth II.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
-
rock_26iin - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 6111
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:42 pm
- Location: L0ST !N $PACE
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son
Laloo : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case......Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo: "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!:
Laloo : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case......Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo: "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!:
-
ycr007 - Level 2 Deity
- Posts: 9334
- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 10:50 pm
- Location: Hyderabad!!! Browser:Firefox
>----- Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
> them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
> will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
> your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
> Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
> than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
> grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable products.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
> means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
> goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
> ____________________________________
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.
> If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
> ____________________________________
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program?
>
> A: Can't think of a single! one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
> ____________________________________
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
> fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
> you?
> ____________________________________
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent m e from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans .. another vegetable!!! It's the
> best feel-good food around!
> ____________________________________
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
> ____________________________________
>
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
> them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
> will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
> your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
> Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
> than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
> grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable products.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
> means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
> goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
> ____________________________________
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.
> If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
> ____________________________________
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program?
>
> A: Can't think of a single! one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
> ____________________________________
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
> fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
> you?
> ____________________________________
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent m e from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans .. another vegetable!!! It's the
> best feel-good food around!
> ____________________________________
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
> ____________________________________
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
> ____________________________________
>
-
san - Level 1 Star User
- Posts: 700
- Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2004 9:34 pm
san wrote:> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
-
rock_26iin - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 6111
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:42 pm
- Location: L0ST !N $PACE
The Boss
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his
boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his
boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."
-
Ar!e$ - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3683
- Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2004 4:30 pm
- Location: !n Ur HeArT$...
The Burnt Ears
One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages.
He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear."
The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?"
He said "That same stupid guy called again"
One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages.
He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear."
The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?"
He said "That same stupid guy called again"
-
Ar!e$ - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3683
- Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2004 4:30 pm
- Location: !n Ur HeArT$...
2 Pagal
Pehla Pagal : Ager tum batao kay is Box mein kia hai tu ye anday tumhara
aur ager tum ye bata du kay ye kitnay anday hain tu 5 kay 5 tumharay aur
ager tum ye bata dogay ye kis kay anday hain tu wo morgi bhi tumhari.
Dosra Pagal : Yaar koi hint tu du.
Pehla Pagal : Ager tum batao kay is Box mein kia hai tu ye anday tumhara
aur ager tum ye bata du kay ye kitnay anday hain tu 5 kay 5 tumharay aur
ager tum ye bata dogay ye kis kay anday hain tu wo morgi bhi tumhari.
Dosra Pagal : Yaar koi hint tu du.
-
Ar!e$ - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3683
- Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2004 4:30 pm
- Location: !n Ur HeArT$...
Elevator Magic
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"
The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"
The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"
-
Ar!e$ - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3683
- Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2004 4:30 pm
- Location: !n Ur HeArT$...
probably a repost
but a nice one
THE INDIAN MOM
Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl
roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help
but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this
had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my
house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the
fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Kumar
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that
you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.
Love,
Mom.
but a nice one
THE INDIAN MOM
Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl
roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help
but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this
had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my
house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the
fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Kumar
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that
you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.
Love,
Mom.
I'm not in favour of Senseless Windows Bashing.
However,I'm all for Bashing Windows Senseless.
However,I'm all for Bashing Windows Senseless.
-
fl - Level 2 Star User
- Posts: 1347
- Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2004 9:57 am
- Location: mumbai
i think i wont be eating tandoori chicken for quite some time from now...
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings 
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
no...the pic aint bad...but everytime i wud order TC in the near future, i'd imagine the scene!Ar!e$ wrote:CtrlAltDel wrote:i think i wont be eating tandoori chicken for quite some time from now...it is nt dat bad cad...
ok...my contribution to this thread after a looong time:
A young girl of 17 turns pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, her mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house. a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation,but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy wi! ll be a couple of factories and a 2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However,if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again!"
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
Old but good one!!!!!!!
Insurance Report
Possibly the funniest story in a long while, this is a bricklayer's
accident report, which was printed in
the newsletter of the American Insurance Journal. This is a true story.
Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.
Dear Sir:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident
report form.I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked
for a fuller explanation and I
trust the following details will be sufficient.
I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my
work,I found that I had some
bricks left over which,when weighed later,were found to be slightly more
than 500 lbs.Rather than carry the
bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a
pulley,which was attached to the
side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level,I went up to the roof,swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into
it.Then I went down and untied the rope,holding it tightly to ensure a
slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form, that I weigh 135
lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let
go of the rope.Needless to say,I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side
of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor,I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally
impressive speed.This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and
the broken collarbone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed down slightly,I continued my rapid ascent,not stopping until the
fingers on my right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley.Fortunately by this time I had regained my
presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great
deal of pain.
At approximately the same time,however,the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,that barrel weighed approximately
50lbs.
I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine,I began a rapid descent,downthe side of the
building.In the vicinity of the third
floor,I met the barrel coming up.This accounts for the two fractured
ankles,broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly.The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately,only three
vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report,however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks,in
pain, unable to move, I again lost
my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there
watching the empty barrel
beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken
legs.
I hope this answers your questions.
Insurance Report
Possibly the funniest story in a long while, this is a bricklayer's
accident report, which was printed in
the newsletter of the American Insurance Journal. This is a true story.
Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.
Dear Sir:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident
report form.I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked
for a fuller explanation and I
trust the following details will be sufficient.
I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my
work,I found that I had some
bricks left over which,when weighed later,were found to be slightly more
than 500 lbs.Rather than carry the
bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a
pulley,which was attached to the
side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level,I went up to the roof,swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into
it.Then I went down and untied the rope,holding it tightly to ensure a
slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form, that I weigh 135
lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let
go of the rope.Needless to say,I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side
of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor,I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally
impressive speed.This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and
the broken collarbone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed down slightly,I continued my rapid ascent,not stopping until the
fingers on my right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley.Fortunately by this time I had regained my
presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great
deal of pain.
At approximately the same time,however,the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,that barrel weighed approximately
50lbs.
I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine,I began a rapid descent,downthe side of the
building.In the vicinity of the third
floor,I met the barrel coming up.This accounts for the two fractured
ankles,broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly.The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately,only three
vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report,however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks,in
pain, unable to move, I again lost
my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there
watching the empty barrel
beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken
legs.
I hope this answers your questions.
I'm not in favour of Senseless Windows Bashing.
However,I'm all for Bashing Windows Senseless.
However,I'm all for Bashing Windows Senseless.
-
fl - Level 2 Star User
- Posts: 1347
- Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2004 9:57 am
- Location: mumbai
Who is Jo?
Ans: Kambakht Ishq
Ans: Kambakht Ishq
Nothing travels faster than light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
-- Douglas Adams
http://artfilm.fullhydblogs.com/
-- Douglas Adams
http://artfilm.fullhydblogs.com/
-
Lucifer - Level 3 Star User
- Posts: 1525
- Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2003 11:33 pm
- Location: Hades
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
Return to The Hyderabadi Planet!
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests
ADVERTISEMENT
SHOUTBOX!
{{ todo.summary }}... expand »
{{ todo.text }}
« collapse
First | Prev |
1 2 3
{{current_page-1}} {{current_page}} {{current_page+1}}
{{last_page-2}} {{last_page-1}} {{last_page}}
| Next | Last
{{todos[0].name}}
{{todos[0].text}}
ADVERTISEMENT
This page was tagged for
Hyderabad Tera saal ka sex Hyderabad Tera saal ka sex
treen ki pattri madar
shyni doshi ki hobi
maggi chotu pack ad lyrics
http://www.dahi.mather..and.som.sexcom
About Hyderabad
The Hyderabad Community
Improve fullhyd.com
More
Copyright © 2023 LRR Technologies (Hyderabad) Pvt Ltd. All rights reserved. fullhyd and fullhyderabad are registered trademarks of LRR Technologies (Hyderabad) Pvt Ltd. The textual, graphic, audio and audiovisual material in this site is protected by copyright law. You may not copy, distribute or use this material except as necessary for your personal, non-commercial use. Any trademarks are the properties of their respective owners.