Humor...or something like it.

[fl]

This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking... Just Check This Out!!!!





Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.

















man

1. ------------





board



































Ans. = man overboard























stand

2. ------------





i



































Ans. = I understand











OK?.... Got the drift? Let's try a few now and see how you fair?

















3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/



































Ans. = reading between the lines























4. r

road

a

d





























Ans. = cross road

















5. cycle

cycle

cycle





























Ans. = tricycle

















0

6. ------------

M.D.





Ph.D.





























Ans. = two degrees below zero

















knee

7. ------------





light





























Ans. = neon light (knee-on-light)

















ground

8. ---------------





feet feet feet feet feet feet























Ans. = six feet underground

















9. he's / himself





























Ans. = he's by himself

















10. ecnalg





























Ans. = backward glance

















11. death ..... life





























Ans. = life after death

















12. THINK



































Ans. think big !!











And the last one is real fundoo ..











13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....

















Ans. long time no 'C' (see)

[Ar!e$]

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge:
"Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

[Ar!e$]

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different,
I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

[Ar!e$]

One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

[Ar!e$]

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

[Ar!e$]

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

[Ar!e$]

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

[crypt]

-------------------------------------------

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"



The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"



-------------------------------------------

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.



"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"



-------------------------------------------

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."



No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.



Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.



"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."



------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money." "How much Money?" inquires the man. "4 cents," the bartender replied. "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The Bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man says, "What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing. As I'm doing to his business."

[akhilis2cool]

Whats with all those jokes on Marriages Aries?

[fl]

Whats with all those jokes on Marriages Aries?

she must have been googling marriage

[fl]

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor

with an unusual offer.



"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.

When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love,

honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her

forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."



He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.



It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have

moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.

When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the

young man in the eye and says:



"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every

command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your

life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you

will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall

live?"



The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."



The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a

deal."



The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She

made me a much better offer."

[Ar!e$]

Whats with all those jokes on Marriages Aries?

lol...i gt them in my mail box..

[rock_26iin]

Here is a pathetic joke:



What do you get when you take a loaf of bread, some Taj Mahal tea and a Pepsi??

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

Bun-Tea Aur Bubbly

[CtrlAltDel]

During an etiquette class, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well-educated young woman from a prominent family, and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the washroom, what would you say to her?"



Mike replies, "Wait a minute, I'm going for a pee."



The teacher says, "That would be very rude and improper on your part."



Johnny replies, "I'm sorry, I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."



The teacher says, "That's much better, but to mention the word 'toilet' during a meal is unpleasant."



Charlie says, "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend whom I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner."



The teacher passes out.

*****************************





Quote of the Day...



"You know the world is different when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the 2 most powerful men in America are named 'Bush' and '_'!"



-Chris Rock

[akhilis2cool]

A married couple went to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that

would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in

favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters,

explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.



However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.



The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.



When they got in the car to go home, they found the driver dead in the car.

[ycr007]

-------------------------------------

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up

there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done. Glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my

window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a

genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.Now that

you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each

one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.

And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to

own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,"

He said:"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman

in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you,

honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband."I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the

afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband ?

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really?!Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

[fl]

A mother had three daughters and on their wedding, she tells each one of them to write back about their married life. The first one gets married.... On the second day a letter arrives with a single message... simply; "Maxwell Coffeehouse" Mother became confused and finally noticed in a Maxwell ad, and it read; "Satisfaction to the last drop..." So, Mother is happy. Then the second daughter gets married. A week later there's a message (secret code again ) that read; "Rothmans" So the Mother looks into the Rothmans ad, and it says; "LIFE SIZE, KING SIZE." So Mother gives a wide grin. Then it was the third one's wedding. Mother was anxious. 4 weeks later came the message; "BRITISH AIRWAYS" Mother looks into the BA ad, but this time she fainted. The ad read; "TWO TIMES A DAY, FOUR TIMES A WEEK,

[Lucifer]

Shortest joke: And there was an intelligent Sardarji.

[san]

> A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind

> him.

>

> The waitress asks for their orders. The man says,

>

> "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich,

>

> "What's yours?"

>

> "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

>

> A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That

> will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and

> pulls out the exact change for payment.

>

>

> The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man

> says,

>

> "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have

> the same."

>

> Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact

> change.

>

>

> This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

>

> "The usual?" asks the waitress.

>

> "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked

> potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

>

> Shortly the waitress brings the order and says,

>

> "That will be $32.62."

>

> Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket

> and places it on the table.

>

> The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

>

> "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the

> exact change out of your pocket every time?"

>

> "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the

> attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared

> and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever

> had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket

> and the right amount of money would always be there."

>

> "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish

> for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as

> rich as you want for as long as you live!"

>

> "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce,

> the exact

> money is always there," says the man.

>

> The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

>

> The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a

> tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

>

>

[CtrlAltDel]

Shortest joke: And there was an intelligent Sardarji.

i know a shorter one:



Two sardarjis were playing chess.

[akhilis2cool]

How abt. this one?



SRK rocks!!!!

[Ar!e$]

Positive thinking---

[Sharjeel]

lol @Akhilbhau and Ar!e$!

[Ar!e$]

Appointment
Banta`s wife, Preeto, and kids all came down with the flu. Upon returning home from the pediatrician`s office with his four kids, he turned his attention to his ailing wife.
After preparing some chicken soup for her, he picked up the phone to call her doctor.
The receptionist picked up and he related the situation to her. She then told him that the office was going to be closed for a couple of days, but that his wife could have an appointment in 3 days.
Banta went ballistic and yelled into the phone, "Three days?! The doctor can`t see her for three days?! She could be dead by then!"
Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you please call to cancel the appointment?"

[Ar!e$]

Damn fools!
Court scene: [Santa and Banta are lawyers]
Santa : You are a fool
Banta : And you are a damn fool.
Judge : As the learned lawyers have now identified each other, can we now proceed with the case.