Aloeswood wrote:Well, how much does your wife trust you as a confident. If she abstaining from sex because of childhood sexual abuse or rape, then you should be a very good listener and keep all of her secrets to yourself without any pressure. If she married you for money or because it was her parent's decision and she really does not like you, then she should tell you this. You should tell her exactly what you feel and let her know that whatever is stopping her from having sex with you, she must let you know. Tell her it is not about the sex, but the fact that you are a married couple and you want to know her in an intimate way because you love her. Let her know she will not be judged ot yelled at and you will not tell anyone if she tells you why she does not want to have sex with you. Tell her you must know because it is beginning to have an affect on your relationship. Ask her openly about any past abuse. And ask her openly if she really loves you. Say it from a nonjudgement, compassionate point of view. Drive her to a park or some place special to talk where you can just hang out and talk like friends would. Tell her there is no shame in telling the truth and it is the best thing to do because it hurts you not to have an intimate relationship. If she wants to seek professional help, then agree to keep it private and support her in all her efforts. See what happens, and good luck!
adding a lil bit to this..
if she aint into talking in parks....as u ppl have met online...u cud try to talk to her from ur office computer, asking her to logon from ur home computer.... maybe she feels more relaxed, and comfortable talking on the net abt somethings taht she doesnt think she cud ever say it out to u , u being in front of her physically...? tink abt it..
jus my 2 cents.