Marriages - Your opinion on Arranged/ Love marriages, for t

[Taher Ali]

The idea behind is to share personal views in light of your own experience (good/bad) on love or arranged marriages. This could probably bring out some good messages beneficial for the society particularly hyderabadi society where love marriages are still not very much accepted at the same time there are innumerous problems with arranged marriages as a result divorce rate is escalating every day.

May be this is a good service - Solicit your comments please.

[Deewana]

The rate of success depends on the input of love and commitment and all the communication possible.
Men usually are more loyal in a marriage then women.
As for my Advice :
LOVE MARRIAGES DONT SUCCEED COS OF THE GIRL\'S PARENTS WHO MORE THAN ALWAYS THINK THEY ARE RIGHT WHICH IN REALITY IS NOT TRUE.
THE SECOND THING IS RELIGION.
THE GIRL WILL DRAG THIS INTO YOUR LIFE TO MAKE IT MORE MISERABLE.
THIRD :
JUST FORGET ABOUT LOVE MARRIAGES, COS THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LOVE
IT IS PURE ILL-LOGIC.
ARRANGED MARRIAGES :
DEPENDS ON WHO IS ARRANGING AND IF THEY ARE MENTALLY ARRANGED OR NOT.
THIS MAY SOUND LIL OFF THE LINE BUT TRUST ME IT\'S ABSULUTELY TRUE.

[sacchi.. Kasam se!]

Pyar ko pyar hi rehne do koi naam na do...believe me that is very true. Love a person but do not marry her/him. And marry a person whom you dont love. The love should start after marriage. Not end in marriage.

[hina]

Hi!I\'m glad someone has put up a interesting message.I think marriage is a commitment for life in which both persons share equal responsibilities.To me an arranged marriage is best but not necessrily workout for individuals.Some people are very happy in a love marriage , which is much prevailant in the western world.Unfortunately as we see it it does\'nt last much longer.In the west arranged marriage is considered outdated and made fun of.But as we see it in India and specially in Hyderabadi culture ,arranged marriages are comman and atleast 90% of the time they work out.The elders of the family are involved and most of the time they try to find out as much about each others families as possible,that does\'nt rule out the possibilities of surprises for either one of the individuals but its easuer to adjust to the new life.I will leave my opinion in favor of arranged marriage.

[Anita]

It Sounds like you are bitter about marriages period. I think that marriage shouldn\'t be entered into unless both people are emotionally mature rather it is an arranged or love marriage and both individuals should be consenting without pressure if it is an arranged marriage.

[Suresh]

Well! Marriage is a Agreement where U need to meet the demands of both ends with consent but not neither by threatening nor by lust;
Everybody irrespective of sex, have their own logic of living and satisfaction, when these match then the persons living together can be termed as leading married life, but unfortunately, many become victims of the cicumstances like Money,Power,selfrespect,emotional imbalance,responsibilities, beauty,etc., even though they are aware that these doesn\'t stay for a longer time. Fianlly I mean to say when the persons reach certain maturity where they can purely admitt their attitude Life. So for a coincidence , it is not possible in the arranged marriages to a extent of 90%, It doesn\'t mean that it is cent percent in Love marriages. It all depends on how a person can judge himslef and interpret others and also conveying one\'s mode of living.
Personally, I feel anybody should not feel that marraiage is everthing,I strongly condemn this because, We Indians Dream a lot and finally end up with lots of disappointment and making their lives senseless.So,the concept in Indian Cinema should change, where it is making many to live virtually and in the life run they are failing to define themselves.
As last words, I would like to convey Knowing oneself is the best way to get married to what exactly he is meant.

[raj]

My experience in life: I had love marriage against wish of my parents(partial acceptance) and in laws(total displeasure). Today I crossed 10 yrs of marriage successfully. That doesnt mean love marriages are successful. My sincere advise to all is if you fall in love and want to marry the girl, please make both sides(parents and in laws) accept to it. Wait till they accept even. Else my experience says life will be miserable for both wife and husband to satisfy both sides . They never get convinced as marriage was against thier will. Today I have everything but lost the glory of marriage during my early years of the marriage due to elders.
So please make them convince and get married.

Do not get hurried and waste the happiness in life for ever.
Good luck:)

[tarun]

yep suresh,
after marriage one has to face so many disappointments as it is totally different from what we see in movies. After getting married the immediate sentence thats should come to mind is \"welcome to the real world\".and then start the EGO problems , problems with relatives , problems with finance ,problems with children,ill health etc this happens irrespective of arranged or love marriage. For me there is not much difference in love and arrange marriage , as the problems we face after marriage happen in both the cases.One has to marry , let that be love or arranged , \'farak nahin padtha\' , if u have lots and lots of adjusting mentality , then its fine otherwise there is nothing but fights and arguments.Even today I dint understand this term \'love\' , what is love?I would surely like to know this from those who have gone for love marriage , tell me is it the same after the marriage also? please be frank!!!

[tarun]

hi raj ,
ok fine there was some displeasure coz of elders , tell me how is it between you both , u guys have the same feelings , impressions after marriage also? no fights , arguments etc etc?

[tarun]

what you said is exactly correct, what happens before maturity (atleast 22-24)is not love it is only infactuation , extremely influenced by our movies , thanks to our film industry,teenagers call it love and go into some fantasy world , live there , neglect everything else including career and end up in suicide .That teenage is a punishment for them and their parents who are becoming the final victims.

[Suresh]

Tarun, I hope I can answer Ur quetion watss Love and will it be same after marriage, As we all see in this today\'s where we have lots of things to do career, make money for luxuries and the haste,its really tough for a Love like thing toprevail for a long time But it is not impossibel If U can get really a person who can dare to face both this beautiful and also a painful world they can make a love life forever.

[Mina]

well i personally beleive arrange marriages work better than love marriage, though its all really the same. As for love marriages, u can share ur thoughts and feelings and ideas b4 getting married and therefore avoid future lafdas. as for an arrange marriage, love starts after tieing the knot which is in its own way challenging and romantic....but i am neutral, both are special in their own ways. i just cant go for one:)

[Ali-]

Let me write my story as well! Well, it is not for publicity but as an advice to others. Myself and a girl from my college loved each other genuinely. We never fell into love as such. But the love developed after one full year of talking/friendship. By the time, we finish the college, we both were convinced that we both love each other so much that we have to get married. But we also know that we cannot. The reason being we were followers of different religions! So, parents of both of us will never agree. And we both respect the parents a lot. We also knew that without their consent, there will be no fun in marriage. After another full year of thought, we gave up the plan to get marry!! Then what? Suicide? No, no! We agreed to marry according to our respective parents wishes. Today, after more than 15 years, we still keep an occasional contact. The point I am trying to make is that both of us are happy about the decision we made at that time. In short, marriage should not be considered as a personal matter. It is matter where other family members\' (specially parents\') opinion must be respected in order to fully enjoy all aspects of married life.

[Ramesh]

ur absolutely right. sometimes arranged marriages are riskly if he/she hides some facts and can\'t be taken after marriage. In love/liked marriages he/she can be get exploited. but I prefer marriages between 2 people who have dated atleast 3-4 months. Not necessarily they are in love. All they want is like if not love.

[tarun]

yep suresh ,
but problem is everybody mixes up career with love and family.hence relationships get destroyed. love will be there only when there is a successful career.love is linked to so many things in this world

[g]

Tarun, I have been happily married for 4 years now. And mine was a love marriage. Yes, ofcourse love exists and I know it can last. But most people make the mistake of loosing their identity after marriage. Here\'s how you can make it last: Never loose your identity. Never stop improving yourself. Never forget your spouse is his/her own person first and only then your spouse! I have seen a lot of couple behave like they own each other. They make decisions for each other and more often than not, do what is good \"for them\" and not what is good for the other person. Remember, what\'s not good for your spouse cannot possibly be good for the marriage! My stand on Arranged/love marriages : when love marriages work, they really work! They work becoz the couple really make the choice to stay together! When arranged marriages work, they work out of ignorance. They work because people have shut themselves out of the world. Sorry folks! Thats the truth!

[sbhavans]

sounds like u watch too may movies.

[Surya]

Love - a great feeling one should perceive. Is marriage the ultimate step in Love? Well, I don\'t think so. Pure love doesn\'t need a relationship tagged to it. Watching movies, being in this community etc., we fall into the bandwagon and say \"Are you getting married to the girl/guy you love?\". Think about it. If you do not get to marry the girl/guy you loved, will you ever be able to forget her/him as time passes by? I don\'t think so. That\'s because Love is untainted. Maybe you won\'t think about your loved ones every moment, but there will be some moments in our lives where we do think, we do say a prayer, we wish him/her a happy life. Humans try to relate themselves with people they love. This is the major reason why one wants to get married to their loved ones. Does it have to be that way? Well, not necessarily. If you have everybody\'s consensus, great, go ahead and get married. If not, do not worry, marriage is just another phase of life, which one needs to live. At the end, being happy, making others feel happy and being loved is all that matters in life.

[Surya]

Did anybody think about why Indian marriage success rate is far better than in the West? Indians, by nature of birth and evolution, are more patient, tolerant, forgiving and giving than any other community/race in the world. Take for instance any issue, say marriages, communal conflicts, conflicts with neighbors etc, you will understand how tolerant and forgiving we are. In the West, when couples have a couple of fights, it usually results in a break up or a divorce. In India, it\'s not like that. We talk it over, our family gets involved etc etc. That\'s the basic difference. I am glad I am an Indian!!

[tarun]

hey g,why dont you understand one thing , if both have this mentality of not losing their individuality then irrespective of whether it is alove marraige or arranged , the marriage will work , otherwise it will not work in both the cases.there is no such thing like ignorance in arranged marriages , all completely depends on the mentality of both who got married , if they r broad minded , give respect to other\'s individuality , fine , otherwise it will be a complete failure.Dont tell me that all love marraiges are successes and all arranged marriages are working somehow based on ignorance.

[vritti17]

hello everyone,

i'm a westerner and i found this thread and think these perspectives are interesting. i'm married and have been for 3 years. i married for love. but i also chose marriage based on a lot of other things like, my husband comes from a simlar family as mine. he has a good career, my parents and family love him. his family and my family get along. so in some ways...i arranged my own marriage. i think people in successful marriages in the west choose marriages for themselves where they have many commonalities. those in the west who only marry for the intoxication part of love will eventually be sorely disapointed because the breath taking part of falling inlove with someone does not last forever, although sometimes it does come back. love changes and deepens and evolves. i think it's important not to believe the movies. just like indian movies, westerners don't live like western movies. For Example, women and men don't sleep around like they do in hollywood movies in real life! another thing, is it is important not to think the other person will fulfill you. no human being can fulfill another human being. wholenes, completeness, unity comes from within and with god. but, sometimes it is hard not to romanticize life.

[tatz]

I think Arranged marriage has been apart of India society for so long that people have absolutely no problem with it and some people are quite happy. But at the same time after being exposed to the Western world and their way of life that thinking has changed for some. Love marriage are on the rise in bigger cities but are still slow in rural areas. Arranged marriages are not the same either as they were 20 years ago, parents give their children more control over who they choose to marry. If you take a look on matrimonial sites, most people post profiles themselves instead of parents or relatives posting profiles for others. The benefit of Love marriage is that it destroys the caste system which is a good thing.

[My opinion]

In Love Marriage: Most of the time you are on your own.

In Arrange Marriage: You are never on your own, you sure will find support all the time because arrange marriage involves your families.

Now choice is yours, what you want later in life to be on your own or support from others?


I don’t see anything wrong in Arrange marriage as long as you are getting arranged with the right person. Arrange marriage is nothing but finding the right person to settle your life which is same as love marriage the only difference is that in love marriage you are finding your own partner and in arranged marriage someone else is looking for you while keeping you in mind. People often object love marriage because they don’t want girl/boy to make silly mistakes and regret later in life. Religion, ethnicity, race and gender is very important in our country and to avoid unnecessary riots, parents choose to arranged their children so they can settle down in their life before brining any trouble home. Parents always wants best for their child, when they are looking for someone they of course wants the best. It’s on husband and wife later on to make it work, if they want they can make small issue a big one and big issue a small one. Understanding and communication is the key to a successful marriage!

If you prefer to go for love marriage without any hurdles keep your parents values in mind. If the person you’re in love with is responsible and reliable then go for it. If they are irresponsible and selfish, most likely your marriage won’t’ last long because selfish people only think of themselves irresponsible people face difficulty managing their life. Reliable people will always be there for you in good and in bad times.

[jeevansathi]

The English dictionary defines marriage as a social institution in which the man and woman with mutual consent becomes husband and wife. What I feel is there is no such term as arrange or love marriage. The term love marriage is ridiculous because if there is no love in so called arranged marriages, it will not survive. And, about the term ‘arrange marriage’, this is stupid way of demeaning one of the most important relationships of anyone’s life. Just believe in the sanctity of the institution, and love and respect the person you are married.

[jack]

well Guys,
The elders of the family are involved and most of the time they try to find out as much about each others families as possible,that doesn't rule out the possibilities of surprises for either one of the individuals but its easuer to adjust to the new life.I will leave my opinion in favor of arranged marriage..