Is a second wife allowed in my case? What would you do?

by **Sudhakar** » Thu May 01, 2003 6:39 pm

I am a married (10 yrs back) man and have a son of 6 yrs.

Because of severe arthritis problem my wife is not in a position to have physical relation ship from past 5 years.

In this condition what shall I do?

Whatever the moral things say regarding a sick spouse, after all I am a normal human being with desires. Like every one, ‘I also live once only’. I am not willing to sacrifice my life. I want to live a contended and satisfied life. You may ask me what if, I were in her condition. Well I feel like I wouldn’t ask for a complete sacrifice like what I am in now.

What I should do?

Have a second marriage? (I do not intend to leave my wife and son)
Have a secret relation ship?
Can you give your views/advice pl.

by **beestinger** » Thu May 01, 2003 7:00 pm

It all depends on what you are looking for. Sex or love?

by N » Thu May 01, 2003 7:16 pm

It\'s your life and you\'ve got to answer it... Probably your wife\'s got to answer it... Pose the same question to your wife and wait for the reply. Do you have the guts?

by **vivek** » Thu May 01, 2003 7:37 pm

If i am not wrong, you would be violating the Hindu Marriage Act 1955 for marrying for the second time with the first wife being alive and NOT divorced. You can go behind bars depending on the gravity of the situation. If sex is the problem, I can suggest only masturbation... But love your wife.

by **Samata** » Thu May 01, 2003 7:40 pm

hmmm...you seem to really have a problem there. It\'s difficult to advise you on this but I have a suggestion, why don\'t you try reversing the situation. If you were the one with the physical problem what would you want your wife to do? Get a second husband? Have a secret affair? Masturbate...

by **Samata** » Thu May 01, 2003 8:25 pm

On a practical note - If you are ready to deviate from the missionary position, there are ways that you can have sex with your wife despite her physical problems. All you need is caring, imagination and maybe a couple of good books on sex. You can also ask doctor for advice. If sex is something your wife is not at all interested in you could discuss the issue with her and figure out alternatives which you can both be comfortable with.

by D » Thu May 01, 2003 9:20 pm

1)There IS yogic cure for arthritis.Go to the rigth yoga institute: there is a yoga research center in sec bad one in kothi that i know of which are excellent 2) arthritis will not make ur wife feel like not wanting to have sex.the feeling of not being good enough and in turn guilt will make her not wanting to have sex. this is my GUESS. 3) If u really love ur wife and ur son and u want to maintain ur family intact, make ur wife feel wanted and loved \'inspite\' of her arthritis or whatever it is going to be either for her for you too, later in ur life. tell her that you still love her and would enjoy her just as much if she can be loving, for the simple reason that she is your wife and the mother of your child. lots later. gotto attend to my work..

by KK » Fri May 02, 2003 12:07 am

Try focusing on improving your wife\'s health instead of searching for an escape route. Best of luck...

by **pal** » Fri May 02, 2003 12:25 am

a clarification....u can have a second wife if ur first wife has no objection....donno the penal code of this law

by **bull** » Fri May 02, 2003 2:09 am

Hi Sudhakar..don\'t stop loving your wife. yoga and a change in her habits and diet can bring back the normal effects.

by **FunK Engine** » Fri May 02, 2003 4:42 am

Sudhakar just don’t forget to take care of her. You can go ahead with your wife’s consent, Absolutely you deserve & live only once, I fully Support you.

by **neeraja** » Fri May 02, 2003 11:26 am

Dear Sudhakar,

I understand your plight, wife/husband relation is something very pure and has no boundaries. well what happens if your second wife is also having some problem, which you realise after your marriage, and cant have physical relationship what would you do? go for a third marriage?

Suppose you are not able to satisfy your wife physcially, will she go for another marriage, Never, Never she would do that, she is also a human being like you, have the same urge,feelings very much like you.. But yet she would never even think of a second marriage... cause she has devoted her life to you...

Physcial pleasure is not everything dear Sudhakar,, it is the joy you need to get from the heart.... so be sincere to her please do not desert her, modern science has cure for even major diseases.. arthritis is nothing in that matter. it is curable, please be patient and set an example for your son..believe me your bondage with your wife is going to be something very extrodinary.

by **Sudhakar** » Fri May 02, 2003 11:54 am

To be forced by this \'kind of law\' in my situation appears to me a liitle away only from SATISHAGAMANAM/ PATISHAGAMANAM.

by D » Sat May 03, 2003 2:14 am

Vemmanna yoga research centre in secbad, gandhi gyan mandir in kothi are 2 of the few that I am sure where u will surely get the help ur wife needs to get better with. Try and try and again try yoga. just do not give up on it. Arthritis is nothing for yoga, belive me. I have seen first hand how it had worked for my own family of several engineers and doctors and all the rest of the professionals that u can get! The physician/orthopedician said that he has to be on medication for the rest of his life because its arthritis. He turned to yoga, i understand 25 years back. those pains are yet to come again ! simple yogic breathing with simpler exercises will do wonders. Back here in California, i see so many, including our own Indians going for yoga and getting better and also professing that it has worked wonders on them. Come on, Not we indians distrusting age old our own yogic cures!!?

by **Dr. Sam** » Sat May 03, 2003 10:50 am

Hi Sudhakar! You are really in a problem! In the Hindu religion, you are not allowed to marry again. So you could consider changing your religion and marrying another girl. Now, try to find out which religion is the best. Live life, don\'t just atrophy thinking...

by **Rakesh** » Sat May 03, 2003 10:52 am

Marry again, but take care of your wife as well. Don\'t care for the world, be happy.

by **peeping tom** » Sat May 03, 2003 2:39 pm

In India can not ask this same question.please think over. Whether the society will accept a healthy lady remarrying a healthy yong gent leaving behind the sick poor husband. YOU SUDHAKAR DONT BECOME No1 BETRAYER OF ALL R ERA. Thanks to the filthy sex needs.

by **Z C** » Mon May 05, 2003 4:58 pm

Dear Sudhakar, check this http://www.vethathiri.org and info@vethathiri.org. They teach u to control ur sexual feelings. Basically designed for men who don\'t want to get married, in your case it will be very useful, I feel. They have a center in Hyd, don\'t know where. I started going to it ten yrs back, but became irregular after leaving my home town. Of the several meditations I know, I liked this the most.

by **Radha** » Tue May 06, 2003 12:23 pm

Sudhakar, you can get married again but dont ignore your first wife, give her the care and love she deserves, and most important ask her before getting married, if she really loves you she will not say no. If the law permits you, the only way for a legal marriage is to change your religion.

by **neeraja** » Tue May 06, 2003 12:41 pm

Dear Z C, thank you so much for giving information about the web site vethathiri.org. It\'s a superb web site. Very imformative and relaxing to read Swamiji\'s message. Thanks again.

by **neeraja** » Tue May 06, 2003 12:51 pm

Dear Dr. Sam, Radha, Rakesh, 

It\'s not the question of religion, it\'s basically the question for human value, the attitude only. All of you, please tell me one thing... if the husband is invalid and not able to satisfy his wife, will the lady concerned marry another guy??? After all, even she is a human being with all emotions, expectations like anyone, right? What will be the plight of that invalid husband then???
 
No woman on earth will do that... whether the man is like a stone or like grass, it is her husband, only for her...
 
How many men think that way?? In what way is your statement to marry again justified? While she is very much alive, do you think it\'s easy for her to digest seeing her man live with another woman, a so-called second wife, in the same house, in her room, using all the things she had used earlier, while she lies sick in one corner? It\'s hard to accept my friends... Put yourself in the girl\'s shoes and see, you will understand...
 
I am sure my message will be deleted by the moderator... If I am lucky the board will read it... dear friends, think, don\'t just bluntly advise someone... it\'s easy to advise, but difficult to practice...

by **Z C** » Tue May 06, 2003 1:38 pm

Some things abt SKY - Simplified Kundalini Yoga - that I liked: simple and easy, the society is not abt money (it cost me eleven rupees in 93/94), it\'s for everyone, no restrictions to age, sex, religion etc., explained very scientifically for a common man to understand. Vetathiri Maharishi, as he\'s called by others, calls himself a friend of people, not a guru or swamiji... Many more...

by **Radha** » Wed May 07, 2003 10:12 pm

Dear Neeraja, let\'s be frank. I know it is difficult, but it is not impossible. You don\'t want to ruin your life and your partner\'s life. If they cannot satisfy one another, then you would have seen many men sleeping with other women and many ladies finding men to satisfy them by illegal means. (And don\'t say that sex is not everything - you know better and every one knows.) And definitely, the percentage of people of this type is more. So, what I suggested is correct - to marry another girl and be legal, in all ways.

by **a well wisher** » Wed May 07, 2003 11:41 pm

whoa! neeraja, neeraja,neeraja!! its all dramatic. sex is needed. for most of the people. If it not gotten from the right place, it is snatched from elsewhere. Better be having one more \'legal\' one rather than exposing so many to utter need of one guy!! the best wud be to see to it that the present wife is thoroughly taken care of, first and foremost. She shud be taken to the right doctors and even to alternative therapies. yoga and homepathy and ayurveda and there are so many of them,the beauty being that THEY WORK. arthritis IS SIMPLY NOTHING. belive me. sudhakar! did you take your wife to the yoga institutes yet? D has given several institues names. Take her there. They will help you. you will thank D and me for these suggestions, I know. Let us know what you had been doing since you posted this board.

by **Sudhakar** » Thu May 08, 2003 12:19 am

Thank you, \'a well wisher\', ‘FunK Engine’, ‘neeraja’, ‘Radha’, ‘Dr. Sam’, ‘Rakesh’ for understanding my problem and giving ur valuable inputs. Neeraja, I am normal human being with a heart for fellow beings. Ur correct in many ways. But as ‘a well wisher’ wrote physical needs are unavoidable, at least for majority of people. After all, I see every day how my neighbors are leading a happy life, and curse myself for my fate. I even curse God for giving my wife this problem. After all I am also eating uppu, karam. Any way I am not ditching my wife and son at all. I just want to convey this to you. But I can’t be pious man. Why God has created this physical urge at all? Neeraja, ur telling no wife will think like me if she is in my place. Sorry, Neeraja. ur r wrong. I am living in Abu Dhabi. I know so many bachelor male workers leaving behind their wives n families back in India for want of money and staying here alone. If not all wives, back in India are (at least some whom I know) r quenching their needs somehow. (sorry if I am expressing in a crude way) . What will u say for this? I don’t find any fault of the wives in this.

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